Grieving the BPD narsassist mother

[rugby]

Hi, my mother was a BPD queen to 5 daughters. I say was because she died 13yrs ago age 59. When she collapsed in front of me, I had to resussitate her. The sad thing is, it was the first time my lips had touched hers. My mother was the queen to 5 daughters, 2 have diagnosis, and 1sister is still in denial, me I have abbandonment issue's. I'm not sure how I came through this without having a diagnosis of my own. My mother created a queen BPD, a waif, and a hermit, so I have been entangled with all this illness. I am just in the process of no contact with all my siblings, because I thought the prison sentence would be over when she died, not for me, my siblings are now turning into her and there's 4 of them . I have keep my sense of humour, because that's what helps you get throuh this mess. I came to this site for advice and support. I have lost all of my family due to this terrible illness.

[Kwamina]

Hi rugby

Thanks for introducing yourself and welcome to our online family

BPD really is quite a complex and challenging disorder. I am sorry that it has affected you and your family so much.

Seeing your mother collapse in front of you is quite traumatic. Did you get help after that event to help you deal with what happened?

You are now dealing with disordered siblings. Two of them have been diagnosed, with BPD I presume? What led up to them getting diagnosed? Are they being treated for their issues?

Good thing that you've been able to keep your sense of your humor through all of this. Dealing with multiple BPD family-members isn't easy. I am glad you are reaching out for support and advice here and encourage you to also read the stories of other members and check out the resources on this site. Many of our members know what it's like to have BPD parents and/or siblings and will be able to relate to you. Reading their stories and how they cope can be very insightful.

Take care

[rugby]

Hi thanks for your advice. I did get help for my sudden grief. I had a year's theropy for ptsd and clinical deppression. It as taken me 13yrs to get this far, because when my mother suddenly passed I was 2mths pregnant and had to put my grief on hold, so I could concentrate on having my baby.

At the time I was unaware of my mother's diagnosis, but I had always known from being small she was not right, unlike my sister's they are still in denial and won't have anything negative said about her. I believe this is because we we're raised to never speak Ill of the dead.

It's been one of the hardest decisions to leave my family and I move home far away from them, I move on the 16th April. I have no choice in doing this, it's to protect my children, because I can handle there manipulation, lies, even theft but I can't cope when they say things to my children, it's like I'm the child again, reliving the trauma. I am sorry if my writings not that great, I did'nt go to school much, not by choice.  X

[Kwamina]

Hi again rugby

No need to apologize, I can follow your writing just fine

Did your mother make it hard for you to go to school? Did she perhaps prevent you from going and/or cause you stress when you were in school?

When dealing with disordered family-members, boundaries are very important to keep yourself safe. Boundaries help preserve your own well-being. Since your disordered family-members are affecting you so, I understand why you are taking steps to distance yourself from them. Not just for yourself, but also to protect your children. How do your siblings treat your children?

No contact (NC) of course doesn't necessarily have to last forever. The most important thing is that we are mindful of our own well-being and are able to set and defend/enforce boundaries with our BPD family-members, regardless of the level of contact we have with them.