Having a Horrible night

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Not sure why but I'm really thinking a lot about the horrors I experienced with my exgf, the suicide threats, her multitude of illnesses and lies and stories that made no sense. Her treatment of our son and her psychotic breaks, and now the accusations of me hurting her.

How can anyone so ill pretend her life is now ok, how can she care for a child? How can she find someone who watches her lie and pretend a serious illness and watch the fake illness vaporate into thin are? So much strangeness and bizarre that I'm left in horror when the reality sinks deeper into my conscience.

How can I or any rational man be around her?

[JerryRG]

Not sure why but I'm really thinking a lot about the horrors I experienced with my exgf, the suicide threats, her multitude of illnesses and lies and stories that made no sense. Her treatment of our son and her psychotic breaks, and now the accusations of me hurting her.

How can anyone so ill pretend her life is now ok, how can she care for a child? How can she find someone who watches her lie and pretend a serious illness and watch the fake illness vaporate into thin are? So much strangeness and bizarre that I'm left in horror when the reality sinks deeper into my conscience.

How can I or any rational man be around her?

[SoMadSoSad]

I feel your pain. My ex has been with my replacement for about 5 months now and they are still going strong. No sign of any bumps in the relationship. It seems like she is doing much better with him than she was with me... .guess he was just an upgrade or something idk.

[JerryRG]

Hello SoMadSoSad

I've seen bumps and she's still saying crazy things on fb about harming herself I just cannot figure out how someone can be completely psychotic and I mean seeing things that are not there, thinking people are spying on her with cameras in her apartment and microphones. Was she doing all this knowing she was acting? Her lies and manipulation go away with a new guy? This is what I don't understand, I know she's ill and everyone that comes in contact know it as well. I just don't know how pwBPD can change something so fundamental about themselves. Crazy one minute and ok the next?

I do not get it, if she had that kind of control she needs to share it with others.

I think her accusations of me asulting her is was gotten me so shook up, if she believes this or not it still shows she's capable of doing and saying anything. And now she's normal? Healthy?

[Herodias]

They are going to end up the same way with the next people. Don't worry. I know your pain... .we just have to know it was't anything we did. There are people who believe there are spies and cameras on them... .this is a type of psychosis. Part of being paranoid and full of anxiety. I am having an off night as well. My husbands father checked in with me because he is working on my exes taxes. Thanks goodness he checked in with me, because they would have made a mess of things. I told him my stbx claimed 7 dependents last year in order to get larger paychecks. I do not want my social security number anywhere near his taxes! he is going to owe a lot! He told me he thinks about me allot and hopes I am doing well. He said he doesn't want his reaching out to bother me. Honestly, I thought that his not reaching out bothered me more... .but I suppose either way it's all a reminder. I made sure he knew that my ex asked me to be the aunt to his baby. I just want him to understand how messed up his son is. He was just like me... .always hoping for the best. I told him I hoped he didn't think less of me and he said he did not. He is a religious man and I know divorce is not in his vocabulary, but he knows all I went through. I suspect they know more than they are telling me even. I told him I miss them and sent him some documents he would need. He thanked me and that was it. I told him more about his debt collectors calling and such. I reminded him about how we both know he tells "stories" and I want him to know the truth. Anyways, not a good feeling tonight for me either. He also knows the court date for the divorce is in June and I asked him to have my husband sign the papers and follow up with the lawyers as to get this done in a timely manner with as little cost as possible to him. Anyway... .see how he is giving his Dad his taxes to do? I always did them... .he is a child. I suppose he doesn't want the gf to see how much he owes! It's like four thousand dollars! I am glad to not have to deal with that anymore!  Try not to feel bad that somehow things didn't work with you- I know how hard it is! Remember the beginning- you saw red flags but ignored them. These people are too. These new people could be more desperate than we were. Our exes are hooking them. Some people take longer than others. My sister told me tonight, no one would put up with my ex as long as I did, We will see... .In some ways if some one takes his crap longer than me- it may make me feel better! How can someone be so crazy as to not see what they are? We did it- think about it. They are great liars and pretend to be exactly what the new people want. It takes awhile for the false mask to crack. Then they will see... .I am waiting to. We don;t have enough to think about apparently. I went out and took a bunch of pictures today... .I really enjoy that. All of the egrets are having babies... .what an amazing sight to see. Tons of birds in the trees... .I really need to focus on my photography, but I do like psychology too. There are tons of disorders out there ... .listen to some of the u tube videos. Try Trenton Hawley- he is a truck driver that had a crazy gf he tells his stories and helps men move on... .it helps to know we are not the only ones who got caught up with these people... .have a better night!

[JerryRG]

Thank you Herodias

I was watching some crime show with my daughter, this woman murdered her husband then (ate) him. Not a good idea, it triggered some memories of my ex, the crazy things I've seen her do that were so strange, maybe I blocked them out of my conscience?

She had a friend who was involved in voodoo and they would do things together to influence me, she's one scary person. And now she's ok? I'm not going to believe it

Thanks again Blue, I'm trying to relax

My ex was very scary

[Herodias]

Jerry, she has't tried to call the police on you or have you arrested over it has she? Is she telling people this? I am wondering if this is to avoid you doing it to her so her child is not taken from her. Unfortunately these people seem to be able to keep their kids unless something harmful happens to the child. Maybe you can come up with some kind of agreement that if she stops making those accusations, you will do something in return for her. Not sure, but you have to tread lightly with that one. Its so risky because the police don't mess around with domestic violence. They are likely to arrest both of you and have the child taken into a foster home if things progress. She needs to stop all of the non sense... .figure out a way to accomplish this... .good luck, I know you need it... .but it must be handled sooner than later.

[Dhand77]

I feel your pain. My ex has been with my replacement for about 5 months now and they are still going strong. No sign of any bumps in the relationship. It seems like she is doing much better with him than she was with me... .guess he was just an upgrade or something idk.

Don't worry, he'll be part of the "I hate ______ club, soon enough." You'll see. They ALL leave trainwrecks behind them. Some longer than others, but he'll eventually feel the same way you did. Trust me.

I work with my ex, I STILL catch her looking for me and popping up at places I'm known to go. I set too high of a standard during our "Honeymoon" phase. She'll be chasing it forever and leaving a trail of broken dudes looking for it.

[JerryRG]

Thank you so much everyone

I do worry too much and I rarely trust or listen to people, boy that statement doesn't reveal anything about how I got into this mess huh?

People tell me things and my sponsor was almost 100% on what my ex would do, I ignored him and didn't listen and my poor son paid for my stubborness.

I will keep walking forward and getting well, having her in my head is not a good thing, I can't wait for her to be a faded memory.

[Herodias]

I totally understand... .mine is very scary too. Very! How he is having a baby in a month scares me and his parents to death! It's hard to get around all of the abuse we put up with. We also tried to help them. They have different reality. They see things totally different than us, so we cannot help them. I would like to know how to talk to a paranoid person though... .My nephew has these troubles actually. His father past away four years ago on tax day... .he is really effected by this. Our exes on the other hand just aren't normal. I swear if we still had insane asylums, they would be there. Mine actually wants to be in one... .he feels safer there. No responsibilities and all you do is talk and color in books. Sounds like grade school. Everyone talks lovingly and softly as to not upset anyone. He once told me that he would like to be able to be on his own... .sleep in his own bed alone. he cannot do it. I do it every night. I am happier alone than with an abuser. Much happier. You have to be glad they have the other person or they would be still in our lives or trying to be. We don;t want that! They will not change-they will not go back to being the pepsin we first met! They will continue to act out crazier and crazier to see how long we will take it and the longer we do... .the less respect they have for us. We make them sick and they find someone new so they can get away from us... .isn't that so nice? Can't wait until they see what a mistake they made! Our best bet is to move on and be happier than we ever were before- having learned about the people we want to avoid and how to love ourselves more in order to attract healthy people in our lives later... .we can do it!

[JerryRG]

Thank you Blue and everyone else.

We can do this!

My reality was tested and I'm still here, I agree with the thought they do realize their loss on some level and need to paint us black.

I saved my ex from her overdose and she says I attacked her? We get engaged weeks later, then she waits 4 years to bring it up? Like our relationship and her lies and drama, it makes no sense at all.

It truly is insanity and I drank the Kool aid