Maybe I should have asked you guys first

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Yesterday I got a LinkedIn invite from his sister.

I had no clue what to make of it.

We have both worked for the company before he came in. We both still work there now he has gone. Yes I am not actively working as I am on sick leave but still.

She works in a different country than me so, although she travels a lot, we never interact. She is quite high up within HR. I am in lower management. I have 0 value for her network. Chances are though at some point our paths will cross. In the distant past they have once per email. Before him and I were an item.

The invite made me come up with a million scenarios.

- She has found this site and is planning revenge (for breaking her brother's heart?). No, jeopardizing her career she has built up over years would be stupid. She might be from the same dysfunctional FOO and might have a friendly face and a b*tchy one but she hasn't got a full blown PD. I think.

- She wants to let me know I have been forgiven (for whatever he thinks I have done, for whatever he told her I have done, which could include getting him fired which had nothing to do with me as I never breathed a word about any of this to anyone in management, HR etc) now he has found a new job.

- She wants to have more info on me. Why? See point 1. Not logical. Then again revenge never is.

- She wants to play a game with me. Or he asked her to. Doesn't make sense if he has moved on to a new job. He is in a very low profile calm mood when starting afresh usually due to not knowing anybody. Of course this time it is different as he has been in this city for longer and does know people here so it feels safer. And again would a 30something risk a very good career for a brother with a track record of losing jobs?

- She wants the option of opening a channel of communication with me. She has that option of course but within the company network.

And he can contact me whenever he wants to through Whatsapp.

- He wants to check up on me through her.

I thought about what to do. I made me slightly paranoid. She is his sister. They are very close. But unless she wants to risk her career it would be stupid to do something to me. And if I have to change jobs because of my health chances are I might either need her or run into her. So ignoring the invite would be professional suicide. So I decided to be the adult (again) and accept.

What do you think? Have I done the right thing?

[WoundedBibi]

Yesterday I got a LinkedIn invite from his sister.

I had no clue what to make of it.

We have both worked for the company before he came in. We both still work there now he has gone. Yes I am not actively working as I am on sick leave but still.

She works in a different country than me so, although she travels a lot, we never interact. She is quite high up within HR. I am in lower management. I have 0 value for her network. Chances are though at some point our paths will cross. In the distant past they have once per email. Before him and I were an item.

The invite made me come up with a million scenarios.

- She has found this site and is planning revenge (for breaking her brother's heart?). No, jeopardizing her career she has built up over years would be stupid. She might be from the same dysfunctional FOO and might have a friendly face and a b*tchy one but she hasn't got a full blown PD. I think.

- She wants to let me know I have been forgiven (for whatever he thinks I have done, for whatever he told her I have done, which could include getting him fired which had nothing to do with me as I never breathed a word about any of this to anyone in management, HR etc) now he has found a new job.

- She wants to have more info on me. Why? See point 1. Not logical. Then again revenge never is.

- She wants to play a game with me. Or he asked her to. Doesn't make sense if he has moved on to a new job. He is in a very low profile calm mood when starting afresh usually due to not knowing anybody. Of course this time it is different as he has been in this city for longer and does know people here so it feels safer. And again would a 30something risk a very good career for a brother with a track record of losing jobs?

- She wants the option of opening a channel of communication with me. She has that option of course but within the company network.

And he can contact me whenever he wants to through Whatsapp.

- He wants to check up on me through her.

I thought about what to do. I made me slightly paranoid. She is his sister. They are very close. But unless she wants to risk her career it would be stupid to do something to me. And if I have to change jobs because of my health chances are I might either need her or run into her. So ignoring the invite would be professional suicide. So I decided to be the adult (again) and accept.

What do you think? Have I done the right thing?

[vortex of confusion]

I don't think it is anything to worry about.

How much information do you put on your LinkedIn account? Since it is more of a professional resource, make sure that everything on it is purely professional. If everything is job related, what kinds of information can be realistically found and used? If she didn't work in your company, I would say ignore it. If she could be a professional resource, keep it all professional and you should be okay.

[heartandwhole]

Hi WoundedBibi,

I agree with vortex, I think accepting the invite was fine. Even if you weren't linked through the site, sister would know if you left or changed positions in the company, so that's about all she could potentially pass on about you to your ex, right?

The timing is interesting, though. 

heart

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey Wounded-

The thing that jumps out for me is you mention a relationship you describe as short and intense ended over a year ago, and you came up with 6 versions of what might be the motivation for the invite.  I understand; I got a spam email from a business my ex started over a year after I left her and it triggered me.  This is the good news though, an opportunity to check in with our detachment and see how we're doing, if we need to change anything we're doing, or if we just need to sit with the emotions, process them, and see what we can learn from them.

As far as accepting the invite, if it was the right thing to do for your career, no worries; LinkedIn is professional networking, and as we know corporate life is a long string of games and maneuvering, so if you played it well in that sense, you played it well.  More important to look at the emotions the invite triggered.  Take care of you!

[WoundedBibi]

Thanks guys!

I only use it for professional things, so no concerns there. She now has access to people from my past of course so hypothetically speaking she could go "snooping around" so to speak.

I think it might actually be around today that we ended for real after a short sort of recycle. I would have to check Whatsapp to see the exact date but I don't want to do that.

So yes, the timing is very interesting in more ways than one.

[Grey Kitty]

You are speculating all over the place about what she might or might not do as a proxy for her brother.

On its face, this is about your direct relationship with her, and has nothing to do with him.

You haven't mentioned anything in your r/s with her other than the fact that you work at the same company, which sounds to me like a decent reason to connect on Linkedin. (Dunno 'tho; I've been retired since before Linkedin existed, so I've never used it.)

So tell us about your direct relationship with her... .

Has she ever played any games with you before or during your r/s?

Did she join in and give you any grief during the breakup or since?

Were you ever close, either professionally or personally?

Do you have any other concerns about her? (unrelated to your ex!)

[WoundedBibi]

You are speculating all over the place about what she might or might not do as a proxy for her brother.

On its face, this is about your direct relationship with her, and has nothing to do with him.

You haven't mentioned anything in your r/s with her other than the fact that you work at the same company, which sounds to me like a decent reason to connect on Linkedin. (Dunno 'tho; I've been retired since before Linkedin existed, so I've never used it.)

So tell us about your direct relationship with her... .

Has she ever played any games with you before or during your r/s?

Did she join in and give you any grief during the breakup or since?

Were you ever close, either professionally or personally?

Do you have any other concerns about her? (unrelated to your ex!)

I already put that in my post:

I never had any dealings with her apart from one business email. It was unpleasant but correct. So I have never met her. The concerns I have is that she is influential and seems untrustworthy according to people who do know her and that I trust.