Not been here in a while - update

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Well. I had been depressed. For those who followed my story my exgf left in November. I tried to hang on. Hoping she'd change.  She never did although she took advantage of my kindnesses and we went on a trip. To a concert. To a musical.

I had a chance encounter with her. It got bad.  A couple co workers also ran into her at various places.  She was hanging out In bars of various types. Going out with players or guys that appear not good for her.

Well since all that she texted people to in friend me from Facebook.  Which a few of her close friends have. But she was painting a picture of me stalking her with them.  Instead of saying she went out with my still. Tried to get money from me. Etc. she painted it as stalking. Which was fueled by an alcoholic friend of mine who told me I tracked her car.

She unfriended me on fb as well. Didn't block me which I sort of find interesting.

Anyhow. Now for the good news I guess. A common friend of another woman on fb told me to message this woman who is Single and sweet. Shes my age (49). She's been divorced four years. Lives in my hometown two hours away. It's been almost three weeks now and we talk every night from one to three hours.  We met last weekend and it went great. Spent a lot of weekend together.  Met half way for dinner last week one night. Are meeting half way this week too. And next weekend she's coming here for the weekend.

All the intelligence, humor, rapport etc I thought I'd never have again I do. And to boot she also loves family. Goes to church regularly.  Works with young children. And seems like a better person altogether.

She is trying to save money and is living with her father and stepmother (possible red flag).  She's been in a couple bad relationships in the past the years. And her ex husband she says was abusive (they were married young, divorced for ten years, then married again).

Anyhow so far it's great and I'm trying not to rush things but it's difficult not to.  Maybe the distance adds to wanting to rush things. Not sure. I don't want to lose her or what we appear to have.

She's attractive for sure but honestly she hasn't aged well (wrinkles). I think maybe too much sun or tanning beds over the years. Or stress or genetics. She doesn't smoke.

But we get along quite well in conversation. She seems interested too. Etc so I'm hopeful.

Will see. I don't think I will ever hear from my exgf again and though I still think of and have a love for her I know it's over.  And I really like this new woman a lot

I dare say I am falling for her even. Does that make me crazy too?   Falling for someone so quickly?

[Scopikaz]

Well. I had been depressed. For those who followed my story my exgf left in November. I tried to hang on. Hoping she'd change.  She never did although she took advantage of my kindnesses and we went on a trip. To a concert. To a musical.

I had a chance encounter with her. It got bad.  A couple co workers also ran into her at various places.  She was hanging out In bars of various types. Going out with players or guys that appear not good for her.

Well since all that she texted people to in friend me from Facebook.  Which a few of her close friends have. But she was painting a picture of me stalking her with them.  Instead of saying she went out with my still. Tried to get money from me. Etc. she painted it as stalking. Which was fueled by an alcoholic friend of mine who told me I tracked her car.

She unfriended me on fb as well. Didn't block me which I sort of find interesting.

Anyhow. Now for the good news I guess. A common friend of another woman on fb told me to message this woman who is Single and sweet. Shes my age (49). She's been divorced four years. Lives in my hometown two hours away. It's been almost three weeks now and we talk every night from one to three hours.  We met last weekend and it went great. Spent a lot of weekend together.  Met half way for dinner last week one night. Are meeting half way this week too. And next weekend she's coming here for the weekend.

All the intelligence, humor, rapport etc I thought I'd never have again I do. And to boot she also loves family. Goes to church regularly.  Works with young children. And seems like a better person altogether.

She is trying to save money and is living with her father and stepmother (possible red flag).  She's been in a couple bad relationships in the past the years. And her ex husband she says was abusive (they were married young, divorced for ten years, then married again).

Anyhow so far it's great and I'm trying not to rush things but it's difficult not to.  Maybe the distance adds to wanting to rush things. Not sure. I don't want to lose her or what we appear to have.

She's attractive for sure but honestly she hasn't aged well (wrinkles). I think maybe too much sun or tanning beds over the years. Or stress or genetics. She doesn't smoke.

But we get along quite well in conversation. She seems interested too. Etc so I'm hopeful.

Will see. I don't think I will ever hear from my exgf again and though I still think of and have a love for her I know it's over.  And I really like this new woman a lot

I dare say I am falling for her even. Does that make me crazy too?   Falling for someone so quickly?

[jhkbuzz]

Just some advice: take it sloow. This seems to be moving at warp speed, and that's not always a good sign.

[Grey Kitty]

Yeah, taking it slow is good idea. But perhaps not easy or feeling natural at all.

A friend of mine suggested an alternative idea that he was presented with in a support group post-divorce. Put an explicit expiration date on this new relationship. (Try 9 months, a year is probably too long)

You are recovering. You are on the rebound. She may be as well, depending on how her time has gone post-divorce. You know what you don't want, but may not even know what you do want.

Many many people have some sort of rebound fling, which is good, healing, fun... .and not suitable for a life-long relationship, in ways that they don't even know when they get started. This applies to you for sure, possibly her too. What often happens is that after a while, these problems become clear... .to one of the two, and then the other ends up heartbroken.

If you do try this, it doesn't mean you absolutely have to break up on the expiration date in 9 months. What it means is that if you two want to stay together at that time, you need to re-negotiate how that works, and confirm that you both want it.

If you were to discuss/propose this to her, what kind of reaction do you think you would get from her? What you describe sounds like she's as interested in diving in quickly as you are so far.