flashbacks keeping me stuck, 6mths out and still confused

[Didntdeservethat]

Six months out with four months NC of a three year dysfunctionl relationship. I dont feel as emotionally distressed anymore but i still feel Stuck in processing and letting go.

We were together for 3yrs living in seperate countries for 2 of 3 yrs then finally moving in together in the third year. Coincidently this is when things got particularly worse. Mood swings, insecurity, anger, partying, etc. We decided to seek counciling and this is when i found out she was D.BP, UD. BPD and possibly Scitzophenic. Towards the end she had started creating a picture to friends that she was being abused suppressed and even raped. Where it brokedown was she called the police three times claiming abuse and finally got me charged (dismissed) for DV. Reluctantly i had her evicted and she went back to her country telling everybody how evil, manipularive and disshonest i was, even getting a group of annonymous hackers to stalk and threaten me for months.

Now its been 4mths NC and im glad i dont have that conflict happening anymore however i still think of her daily and i dont understand why she had to destroy us. Ive read the cycles but what i most confused about is that it appears that she is back in her old scene of partying as a socialite happy as if i never existed and i feel like im stuck floating up and down some would say with PTSD

Can anyone help me move on, its weird when i look at the relationship i dont want the conflict back but deep inside her i really felt i found a soul mate, not the evil person who tried to destroy me. Some of her friends claimed i tried to change her but all i did was seek help for he r and what i thought woukd help us.

Am i crazy, or is it me who had the Bpd im so confused

Stuck pls help.

[drummerboy5]

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm 6 months break up and 1 month completely NC, but my ex is 7 months pregnant. I've received threats to ruin my life and reputation. I'm confused and depressed at the same time. I will tell you that if you are not in therapy, please seek it. It does help.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Didntdeservethat,

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It is so difficult and painful to sort through the rubble of such an emotionally trying breakup. At 6 months out, I was feeling really depressed and had lots of symptoms of anxiety. Hang in there, because things DO get better. They have for me, and they can for you, too. 

I agree with Plumber39: have you thought about individual therapy? If you are feeling really stuck in one stage, I think it can help tremendously. I know therapy really helped me, especially when my thinking got stuck on hoping for a possible "redo" with pwBPD, which was essentially me bargaining and hoping for a different outcome, which would take me out of the pain of the breakup. My therapist was not having that, and at first I was disappointed in her reaction. Now I am SO glad that she shut that thought down right away.   

I'll never forget what she said: "Heartandwhole, I want something different for you."

And that's what I say to you, Didntdeservethat. You deserve a loving and healthy relationship that helps fulfill your life goals and values. Life is too short to bargain or settle. Be gentle with yourself, you are going to make it to the other side of this and thrive again.

Have you checked out the Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder - 10 Beliefs That Can Get You Stuck? The resources on this site were so important to my recovery, I love to recommend them.

Keep writing, we are here listening and supporting you. 

heartandwhole

[Didntdeservethat]

Thank you for your advise

When i first broke up with her researching and understanding the illness helped give me some peace after the turmoil of a deteriorating conflict riden relationship.

My question though is technically she was not formally diagnosed with Bdp. It was after the relationship had broken down that a phycologist we were seeimg mentioned that he suspected she had it and developing Scitzophinia.

What im stuck with is if she didnt have BPD then why did things break down more to the point why did i tolerate so.much. like in the synopsis my boumdaries were completely gone.

If she is able to rebound so quickly is it me who is sick.

I am a person who needs logic and understanding in order to move forward. Ideally if i knew she was diagnosed with this horrible comdition maybe i could feel released

Any tips