Funny and ironic

[SoMadSoSad]

I find it funny and ironic that the only emotion they can control is who they love.

[WoundedBibi]

Who says they can?

[Hadlee]

My impression was they couldn't control it... .

[SoMadSoSad]

From what I read and in my experience they can easily detach from someone they are in love with and attach to people who are sometimes seen as a downgrade or just flat out not right for them. Their love from what I understand is like high school love. They can be in love with one person one minute then be in love with someone else in two weeks time. Lol

[WoundedBibi]

Nobody can control who they are attracted to. It's an instant chemical thing combined with subconscious processes. For them that is falling in love. They fall in love easily and quickly, like mature NONs do in high school and less mature NONs (like me) still do today.

It is recognizing the other one as similar to you on a subconscious level. You don't control that.

[SoMadSoSad]

Nobody can control who they are attracted to. It's an instant chemical thing combined with subconscious processes. For them that is falling in love. They fall in love easily and quickly, like mature NONs do in high school and less mature NONs (like me) still do today.

It is recognizing the other one as similar to you on a subconscious level. You don't control that.

So Do you think if a BPD feels they are about to get abandoned or have just been dumped that they will wait to find someone attractive or they will go for the next person to show them interest and care? If so you think it is different each case. I was reading a thread on here about BPDs downgrading with their replacements maybe because they will have more control over the relationship or they go with the first person to show them interest. Also people often brought up that the replacement wasn't the norm for the gods attraction, even the opposite at times.

[WoundedBibi]

Nobody can control who they are attracted to. It's an instant chemical thing combined with subconscious processes. For them that is falling in love. They fall in love easily and quickly, like mature NONs do in high school and less mature NONs (like me) still do today.

It is recognizing the other one as similar to you on a subconscious level. You don't control that.

So Do you think if a BPD feels they are about to get abandoned or have just been dumped that they will wait to find someone attractive or they will go for the next person to show them interest and care? If so you think it is different each case. I was reading a thread on here about BPDs downgrading with their replacements maybe because they will have more control over the relationship or they go with the first person to show them interest. Also people often brought up that the replacement wasn't the norm for the gods attraction, even the opposite at times.

Let go of the looks. About up or downgrading. It's not about that. It's about who they feel will save them from themselves. That could be anybody. As long as the pwBPD feels it.

[Hadlee]

Let go of the looks. About up or downgrading. It's not about that. It's about who they feel will save them from themselves. That could be anybody. As long as the pwBPD feels it.

^^^ this

Instead of being a "replacement", I prefer to look at it as "same story - different actors".  Besides, if we talk about replacements being a downgrade then the previous actor whose shoes we stepped into could say the same about us.

In my experience - it's anyone who shows initial empathy towards the pwBPD, buys into the "victim" stories without questioning anything, and is nice to them.  If they give their full attention to the pwBPD then that's all that matters

[JerryRG]

This was certainly true of my exBPDgf, she latches on to the first guy who gives her any attention then falls in love with them. Love as she understands it, after I dumped her she met a random guy, they were in a relationship a week later and engaged in a month.

She did the same with me, wanting to be engaged right after we met, I knew her history so I tread carfully, her new bf is not from this area so he's unaware of her past so he's falling for all her manipulation. Including her lies I abused her, this relationship is the same as ours, different players same game.

Kinda hopeless and now that I'm aware of this I won't allow her to recycle me. It is sad to watch from the outside but she's never going to get well and I gave her every opportunity.

Thank you for sharing this everyone.

[AwakenedOne]

I don't think they have much control of anything really. It's debatable if they have the power, drive, will or understanding to get help. Members here are mixed regarding the answer to that question.

I agree with the others that have said that this isn't about looks. They are looking for a knight in shining armor. It doesn't matter too much if at all what the person looks like that is inside the armor as long as they are perceived to be a knight.

When they dispose of us they dissociate instantly or it becomes an out of sight out of mind type of thing. I think in a lot of cases including mine it was a "hit and run". They hit you with their car while drunk and then don't hang around at the scene to deal with it. They block it out or just hope someone finds you along the side of the road and will get you to a hospital. They wipe the evidence off of their bumper and tell friends that they hit a wild dog with rabies that was attacking the car."The dog deserved it" and made them have to do it. Then the next relationship comes and they often behave like a kid at a new birthday party. Seems that BPD daily life consists of what I would call a mix of a need for "fun and games" and a need for "survival". Fun and games is a part of the NPD traits side and the desperate need for survival is the clearer BPD side.

[Hadlee]

When they dispose of us they dissociate instantly or it becomes an out of sight out of mind type of thing. I think in a lot of cases including mine it was a "hit and run". They hit you with their car while drunk and then don't hang around at the scene to deal with it. They block it out or just hope someone finds you along the side of the road and will get you to a hospital. They wipe the evidence off of their bumper and tell friends that they hit a wild dog with rabies that was attacking the car."The dog deserved it" and made them have to do it. Then the next relationship comes and they often behave like a kid at a new birthday party.

I really like that