This just takes the cake

[Herodias]

My ex is an exhibitionist type. Always wanting to kiss in public and hold my hand, grab me... .make a big scene for all to see. Well, his next to be ex gf just posted another horrible picture of herself with her fat and I mean fat belly exposed and hanging over her stretchy, white linen (the kind with the elastic on each side) pants on the beach with his arms wrapped around her! It is so disgusting! If she thinks this is some pretty pregnancy photo she has thought totally wrong.  It's one thing to have a beach ball round belly and look pregnant. It's another thing to look like a fat slob with a beer belly exposed as a profile picture on Facebook... .What kind of person does this with a married man? All I can say is; more adultery evidence for me! Either she is as narcissistic as he is or she is totally convinced by him that she is soo beautiful. I am sorry... .we talk about replacements being less than and it makes me feel horrible to have been part of his harem, but... .This just takes the cake! I hope this doesn't make me a horrible person for thinking this way, but this is one of the tackiest things I have ever seen... .makes me want to send her carnations and wish her good luck on the day of my divorce! I swear, he is probably laughing at her from inside his head as well... .he doesn't care... I know he will be putting her down soon enough. Sad... .very sad.

[Hadlee]

She's probably proud and excited about her baby belly.  I know you are going through hell, and I'm sorry about that, but picking on someones body shape is a bit below the belt, especially when they are pregnant. 

It's her business what she does, there's no need to make it yours.  Try and let it go, Blue, focus on you rather than her      

[Herodias]

I am not one to talk about body type as I am not the fittest person on the block either, so I am not trying to totally put her down for that, exactly... .I am not a fan of hers as you can imagine, ... .what I don't understand is the exposing it all on Facebook? I am trying to give you a visual of what is posted so you have an idea what I am seeing. I know I need to focus on me not her... .I will when I am divorced. It can't come soon enough! I think it is crazy to post your adultery all over Facebook. I guess you are telling me she is excited and doesn't care what anyone thinks... .even his parents. I already know they are embarrassed over this and she knows it. They have both been told from the beginning that it wasn't appropriate  to post their affair until he was divorced. That's one heck of a way to make an impression on the possible in-laws.

[HarleypsychRN]

I refuse to look at my ex-BPD's FB page or my probable replacement's. No contact works... .it's hard but when done properly you save yourself a lot of pain.

"The calendar changes, they don't"- Unknown

[Herodias]

I wasn't but I have to have proof of adultery to get divorced sooner than later. I don't want to wait another 6 months.  It also has to be specific- not just two people together having lunch or dinner. Instead of hiring expensive detectives, Facebook and dating sites provide evidence of intent and adultery. I won't be looking when this is over, believe me this is torture. I don't want anything to go wrong because I do not have a witness since we do not have mutual friends. He doesn't have real friends he runs them off. I don't run in the same circle as him at all. This is what I have to do right now. I'm only coming here to vent my anger and pain- I suppose having to defend what I'm doing isn't helping me either. This isn't a breakup - this is divorce and lawsuits. I hope you all never have to go through this. It's not easy. I am angry because I was learning all I could to try and work things out with him and these women just go after married men knowingly and don't care. He's at fault too. But there are women who trap married men and I never was given the chance to try and work things out. I guess I'm supposed to feel better off - that he'll never change, but when I hear some people are able to do so it bothers me that I wasn't able to. This girl left her husband for mine- my husbands parents think she's trash. If I can't come here to vent without being judged then I suppose I shouldn't say anything at all. I only hope that what we all go through can help others in the same situation... .This was someone I loved and now we are at odds in court. It's awful to not feel cared for by him at all.

[sweet tooth]

I'm with you, Blue. Sounds like he's scraping the bottom of the barrel! And it sounds tacky and disgusting! I pity that poor child!

Use your proof and cut the chord!

[Herodias]

Thanks Sweet Tooth,  I feel very sorry for the child too... .

[sweet tooth]

Thanks Sweet Tooth,  I feel very sorry for the child too... .

Do you have children with that man?

[Herodias]

No, I had a miscarriage. On one hand I know I'm supposed to feel fortunate - on the other I feel sad about it. He told me he knew he shouldn't have children and didn't really want them. He knew he was too selfish.  His Mother didn't want him to have kids- she is too worried. I begged him to get a vasectomy over and over, as did she.  I had a hysterectomy due to my endometriosis. When she got pregnant he told me I could take him back. But at that point it was too late. I was humiliated. He said it is what it is... , then he even asked me to be the aunt! He wanted me in his life somehow I suppose. I had worked with the people of NAMI to try and understand him better. Sometimes I think if I would have known a long time ago I could have handled things differently. On another hand, maybe I'm delusional now because I'm so hurt over all of this. I know I'm supposed to be glad to be out, but tonight I'm in allot of pain. This baby is due in the next couple weeks. I guess he is just going to try and make the best of it. I think it's going to be harder than he realizes. I see how he thinks that everyone on Facebook is so happy with their children so he thinks a child will make him happy too. His sister just had a baby and he sees how happy his mother is. I asked him if he talked to his sister, he said she's so happy. I said oh, so you did talk to her? He said no- he saw on facebook she  looks happy. His sister doesn't talk to him either. Maybe three times a year. He thinks the baby will get him the attention he needs. We know how that's going to go for the gf. She will be too busy for him . It's really sad his mother is even more upset with him.  I suppose it may make him happy  in some ways, but I don't believe he is capable of real happiness. Everyone I know that knows him thinks he will be out of there quickly.  He is studying how people act with kids. Making friends with lots of people on Facebook with kids. It's really strange. He told me maybe things would have been different with us if we had had our child. I don't think so... .It would have been much harder.  So here I am venting again. I'm having a bad night. I've analysed it all to death. Yes, focus on me. My life is so boring now. No more house to take care of, no

More husband to care for, no children. Just me and my pets. I have work - friends - my family, and hobbies... I'm just alone when I'm home. Some people may like it. I did for awhile. I'm getting tired of being alone I think. I'm not ready to meet anyone. I don't trust my judgement yet.

[sweet tooth]

She's stuck with him for LIFE now. You aren't! But I understand how you could have mixed feelings.

[lovenature]

Try to focus on who you are Herodias; you're values and integrity!

Remember that many use social media to portray something they want others to see them as. Intimacy with someone shows their true colours; you know the truth.

Probably best to stay away from FB and limit your contact and triggers?

[Herodias]

Thanks...  I know. When he leaves her, she will have a constant reminder of what she did. I hope she finds out I wasn't so awful. I know his mother will tell her if she brings it up.  She was always mad at me for not talking to her before I married him/ I can only imagine what she will say to her knowing how she feels about her,  Lovenature, I've got to check with my lawyer to make sure she has all the evidence she needs. Then I plan to delete all of his emails and pictures out of my phone as soon as I am divorced. I'm already off Facebook- I can get all of this off his public profile. Just disgusting. I read there is a study done that said people that post allot on Facebook are the loneliest people. All of her posting speaks volumes. Sometimes I think she does it to get at her husband. She was telling all how she loved him one month and then off with my husband the next. I could guess she is BPD as well. She said he was controlling her. I know he was running around putting out fires with her as well as I was with mine. , so who knows.

[Confused108]

Blue I am so sorry you have went thru this. I know that you did love him. Before he became this other stranger that you don't know . We all have been thru it. Some worse then others. Who cares what your replacement looks like! I feel bad for the innocent child who will be born from these 2 idiots. You thank God have no more attachment with him! Your free! Free to find a man who is worthy of your love. Not abuse you! It's time to see if you can fast forward your divorce and bury the dead. I know it hurts . We all know just how hard this is. You deserve so much better. Let him go and be happy that your nightmare is almost over and his replacements is just beginning! Take care of you! Because you deserve better!

[patientandclear]

It makes sense that this is super painful. When you get to the point where you can not look it will be easier. At the various points where I have committed to detaching from my ex I've had to religiously not look at or for stuff pertaining to him. It's not my business. Seeing that he is living a life without me just hurts, no matter what the details.

But of course he is ... .That's what humans do. We go on. Even when we make horrible mistakes and do thjngs we regret. Some people can live with their regret and misgivings more on the surface, and some people rely heavily and unconsciously on denial to get them through. I'm sure my ex is doing his best to have a happy life, and really, what else is he supposed to do?

I think the specific theory your ex shared with you about how if you had had a baby eveything might have gone differently, is really insidious. That story line assumes that a baby will make things right in a relationship and there are literally millions of stories out there that attest to the opposite, but the counter-factual worry that it might be true would trigger feelings of shame and being "less than," for me. So painful.

Please remember that this is the high water mark of a story they've invested a ton of personal capital into. They both left marriages and they're having a kid. It looks all glorious on the beach in the maternity pants. Doesn't look so glorious when no one is congratulating you on your kid anymore, no one is getting any sleep, jobs are stressful, the kid has problems ... .Life is tougher than that and falsehoods about the foundation for a relationship WILL show themselves. The blissful pregnancy storyline only takes people so far. Real life has a way of revealing what is really true.

It hurt me so much to think my ex was off happy with the various other women he's been with since me. I learned just enough to realize that he actually devastated two of them. It was great till it wasn't, and then just like with us, I'm sure the supposed greatness just made it harder for those poor women to process what the hell just happened to them. But now I have to not watch. It doesn't feel good to root against him and I can't be honestly happy for him when he's all excited about new love. I hope you can stop. I'd think your lawyer's assistant can monitor his FB page just as well as you can.

[Herodias]

Thanks Patientandclear, I am going to ask my lawyer if she has all she needs. I will tell her that this is terribly painful for me to look at. That is a good idea to have them watch and not me. I do realize I am not her only client, but this is triggering me really bad. Thanks for your support.

[Notwendy]

It is understandable that you are upset. This isn't my usual board but I read the posts sometime and that visual of her on the beach (ouch) and I am not one to shame anyone about their shape. Being middle age, I doubt anyone wants to see my ( not pregnant ) tummy either, and I am not about to hang it all out there. I can leave the bikinis to the teenagers who wear them the best.

I also see how this is painful since you were not able to have children with him and she is flaunting it. Infertility is sadly painful, and you have the right to feel sad and upset that she is flaunting.

Objectively though, you know that things are not likely to be paradise for those two and I hope you can come to a place of healing and also a snarky "they deserve each other "

[gotbushels]

  Herodias having fun again are we... .? :P