I wish to tell you a story...

[Herodias]

I want to tell you one of my worst nights ever with him... .just to get it off my chest. One night after I had gone to bed, I was awoken about 2 am or so by him walking through our home with a stranger. He brought him up to our bedroom and showed him around telling him how much everything in the house cost. He went back downstairs  and I hear him telling him how much the Tv cost and offering to give him a set of golf clubs so that he will go play golf with him sometime. I am now horrified as I sneak downstairs and find that they are very drunk. I have never seen this guy before. I went back upstairs and call the emergency number I was given by NAMI (The National Alliance for Mental Health) when I had taken their classes. They said they were sorry, there was nothing they could do for me because he had a right to have a friend in his house. If I felt unsafe, to leave. I did not go anywhere. I stayed in bed and pretended to be asleep for a few hours tossing and turning.  I must have fallen asleep at some point. I got up in the morning and went on as if nothing was happening. They were out in the back yard hitting golf balls in our short little yard. I prayed they didn't hit a neighbors window. I noticed there was half eaten raw steaks around the grill, they had obviously tried to cook. I always worried of a fire when he would do this.  There was scuba gear in the driveway- they had gone swimming in the pond in the back yard.( He has done this before too) I took care of my animals and got ready for work really, really early so that I could get out of there. I prayed the animals would be ok.  I got into my car and as I backed out of the driveway, that strange man stared at me with his head tilted like a dog does when they are trying to understand what you are saying... .glaring at me! I went to work and just as I got there I got a call from a friend of his that said he had been called by my husband and he told him he was suicidal. He asked if I wanted him to go over there, but that he was far away from the house. I told him to do what he felt he wanted to do and call the police. Then his father called me... .telling me my husband was suicidal. I told him to call the police. Mind you - I am completely numb at this point. I have had experiences with my husband like this so many times before that  I am used to this sort of thing by now! This was one of the weirdest I must say.  I then  get a phone call from the police telling me they had my husband (they have had classes from NAMI and also have met my husband on numerous occasions and know the drill),  that they were taking him to the VA hospital and that they had thrown out the guy that was sleeping on the couch and locking up the house. I said thank you very much. I worked part of my day as I knew that there was nothing I could do at the hospital and he would be there awhile. I later went down to the VA hospital where my husband was acting out in a room. Still drunk and being really mean to me. The psychologist came to the room and right in front of him asked me why I was with him? I said, he is my husband! I was so angry they were not doing something with him and asking what was wrong with me! My husband was being so mean to me that I left the hospital and when I got home had to clean up all the blood that was everywhere from where he had cut up his arm 10 times from a big kitchen knife. He was later let out of the hospital and he called me and told me he was going to sleep off his drunk in a hotel room across the street from the hospital and that he would call me to pick him up later. He told me he had met that man in the VA hospital when he had a week stay in the mental ward around that time. I was horrified to think that some mental patient that we knew nothing about was in our home and knew everything we had. I eventually went and got him and he seemed pretty proud of how he had cut up his arm... .he had never butchered himself that bad before. I felt numb... .and still I stayed. I felt I had to care for him! Things kept getting worse and you know how it ends... .I am left for someone else after all I did to help him.  I am just so upset with myself and also with the system that lets someone like him run around and get people pregnant. It's just incredible. Thanks for letting me get this out... .It was a nightmare and I am horrified that I lived like this for so long with many more similar stories. And now he is off having a baby with some 28 year old girl... .I just can't believe this all happened to me... .and I cannot believe he can act normal now. I actually had someone tell me he was just doing this all to upset me! I don't believe it. I think he is mentally ill and it's too bad they don't keep better tabs on these people so they are not out ruining peoples lives. I want you to also understand that sometimes it is not good when they go into rehabs and mental wards... .mine came out with worst stories and behaviors learned in there. He very much liked being there at times, because he had a rest from life. No worries and he could color in coloring books and be on meds while nurses were calm and nice to him. At the same time he would miss being home. It had been the wildest decade of my life yet I miss the fun, sweet side of him, but it's not worth all the raging and badness that eventually came and never stopped.

[steelwork]

That is totally nuts. It's gotta be good to write it out and see how crazy things got and know it's not your problem now.

Hugs, BH.

[londons]

wow... .u are one strong girl.  i happen to agree with everything u said... .been there, done that,  to a T!  exact story i have experienced, only the girl isnt pregnant yet.   if only we would have listened to the red flags before saying yes to marriage... .  but i fell in love hook line and sinker, and STILL miss him (3 months). my guy was in rehab 4 or 5 times, and came out a new man, but the original man always returned... .  his illness prevailed.   how are u doing emotionally?  has he contacted you?  hang in there and i will try to do the same!

[Herodias]

Thanks- I am all over the place emotionally. I read where they talk about how you know you are supposed to just move on and be strong and be glad to be out of such a relationship, yet you are really missing the marriage part as any normal person would. People don't understand why you just don't feel glad you are out- when you are upset because you thought you had someone who loved you. Yes, I am glad I am out, yet I am shocked if he is not doing this stuff now- I feel he must be. Thank you for calling me strong. I had an 8 year relationship with a drug addict previously and was tough as I could be through that. I don't feel very strong now. I feel powerless. No, he has lawyers and doesn't want anything to do with me. He is leaving the state soon and trying to screw me over with money as he doesn't really have any because now he is having a hard time holding a job, when previously he did very well at it. It's all in the mirroring who they are with. This girl is a real loser.  She  is falling for it even more so, it's crazy how she is posting all over Facebook that "he completes me in every way possible!" She must be a real nut job if he is completing her,   I seem to attract crazy in friendships as well. I am getting really afraid of people... period. We will divorce in June and it can't come soon enough for me now. I never thought I would say that... .Their baby is due in May... .I think!  He told me that, so since I can't believe anything he says- I am not sure. He is a pathological liar too... .Yes, watch out for red flags! I suppose you are right- the illness always prevails. It's really sad.

[Hadlee]

It's all in the mirroring who they are with. This girl is a real loser.  She  is falling for it even more so, it's crazy how she is posting all over Facebook that "he completes me in every way possible!" She must be a real nut job if he is completing her,  

Yeah she's all giddy cause he is mirroring her.  What she is seeing is herself (if that makes sense).

I seem to attract crazy in friendships as well. I am getting really afraid of people...

 

I feel exactly the same way.  I've attracted a pwBPD romantic partner and just recently a friend, who I refer to as Single White Female.  She has been hands down crazier than my ex - at least he was somewhat aware.

I'm very cautious of making new friends now due the experience I've had

[JerryRG]

My ex found a loser and probably love bombed (sex) him into utter blindness, he's about 4' 5" and all of 90 lbs and quiet as a mouse. He's probably never had a gf let alone had sex. Poor fool is in for hell served up on a silver platter along side his head.

She's downgraded to an amazing level but the guy she was with before me had no teeth and his eyes stared off in different directions. He was so burnt out from drugs he could barely speak.

I do apologize for seeming like I'm any better than them, I'm not better, just wiser.

[Herodias]

"My ex found a loser and probably love bombed (sex) him into utter blindness, he's about 4' 5" and all of 90 lbs and quiet as a mouse. He's probably never had a gf let alone had sex. Poor fool is in for hell served up on a silver platter along side his head.

She's downgraded to an amazing level but the guy she was with before me had no teeth and his eyes stared off in different directions. He was so burnt out from drugs he could barely speak.

I do apologize for seeming like I'm any better than them, I'm not better, just wiser."   


I know what you mean JerryRG, I hate to say other people are losers, but seriously?   It makes me feel like some kind of loser being mixed in with the group he has been with! I prefer to think of myself as the top choice, that he just couldn't handle being with , because as he said "she is cheap"   Yep- very! I don;t think he is ever going to have a future life as good as he had with me when it comes to material things, nice house, clothes, being able to go to nice restaurants and such... .not that we were rich in any way shape of form, but we had it much better than he has now or ever will unless he gets with someone that will make him feel like he wants to be a "better man" as he told me in the beginning. She told him he can be poor and she would be happy to sit on the couch and watch tv with him all the time. I think he will eventually get bored with this. I know of a person whose partner left for a homeless person! You really can't figure out what they are thinking. I think sometimes they just can't handle pressures sometimes. I also think they downgrade because they think they will be able to keep this person around easier if there is any insecurity on their part.