Seeing her with a replacement, why does it bother me?

[Rayban]

I work with my exBPDgf, and yesterday was the first time I saw her interacting with a replacement. While we were together, she mentioned that this guy was flirty with her but that she had no interest for him. I would guess that she probably slept with him.

She's interacted, flirted with, and sought the attention from other males (and females) but I never got the impression that they were replacements. (I'm sure she slept with a few) Yesterday was different. The replacement works in another department on another floor. I crossed him in the hallway of our floor and said hi, without second thinking about what he was doing wandering around our department. 10 minutes later I see him going into her office.

My shift was over and I was heading out of my office and I hear her speaking in this sexy voice with him. I heard it many times when we were really close. I felt distraught and somewhat jealous, when I should be happy that she's not my problem anymore.

It could have been a triangulation attempt on her part with this guy showing up 5 minutes before my shift is over., but several things tell me this was a replacement. We had began to get closer over the last few weeks after I broke up with her a few months back. Last week we were talking about why things didn't work out, and I mentioned that I couldn't accept her seeking the attention of other men especially right in front of me. She didn't like that, later that day she texted me saying,'' I'm a good girl, form a good family. I am not a slut!''

The next day she told me she was angry at me, and that she had fire in her? I believe it was the beginning of devaluation of me now that she had secured a replacement.

24 hours later this is still bothering me. I guess I'm still attached. Moving forward I should use this to keep my distance, and not fall for whatever games she's going to play. I'm upset at myself for letting her get to me again.

   

[WoundedBibi]

If you read all the treads and posts here and really pay attention the fact you got closer again in itself was a warning sign a replacement was being set up without your knowledge. It's a pattern I see happening all over this board "we were getting close again" "we were talking things out" "all of a sudden he/she started backing out and then it turns out he/she was dating". For some reason starting to have feelings for a potential replacement makes them come back to you briefly and not completely, as if to test their relationship skills or sort of finish it with you without you (or them) realizing it, or to test if their feelings for the new person are the genuine thing perhaps, I'm not sure. But the 'we were getting close again' in itself for anyone on this board by now should be a  for more heartache to come.

Whether it's from a situation as described by you where you were getting hopeful again because you didn't know there was someone else waiting in the wings already, or from a full on recycle that also always ends in a very painful way.

[Dhand77]

I work in the same building as mine as well. Her initial replacement(the one she cheated with) kicked her to the curb about a month in. He must of had healthy boundaries and saw the flags I ignored.

She then moved on to a guy in work, which lasted about a week. She now moved on to another guy in work. Remember, we are basically dealing with children here, so I'd say yes, she probably IS trying to make you jealous, because she's a mental midget. I always felt like it was done to "bait" a reaction out of me. A "silent test" like so many other silent tests in our relationship. A test just to poke and prod and see if they can still push our buttons and control our emotions.

But after discovering the lies, the cheating, the pattern of broken relationships through out her life... .those guys can have her. Lol. She's their problem now.

Sometimes it bugs me. But the way she acts, is gonna be the way she acts, so I refuse to show it bugs me. We were awesome people before we met our trainwrecks, and we'll be awesome people after this is finally over, but they will ALWAYS suck.

[once removed]

While we were together, she mentioned that this guy was flirty with her but that she had no interest for him.

are you seeing this now as dishonesty? do you think thats part of why it bothers you?