What can i do to release this anger and move on quickly?

[cherryblossom]

Simply the above - i dont want to have this negative energy in my life. How can i release it for good in the quickest way?Why does my brain keep going over things i just want it to stop! Im doing yoga poses which release anger. Any advice on what to do?

[Herodias]

Unfortunately I don't think it happens quickly. I think if we can stay busy and think about other things and not talk about it with people all the time, it will help. It's just really hard to do so. I know what you mean though... .my brain has been in over drive. It's hard to focus on ourselves after being "trained" by them to focus on them for so long.

[WoundedBibi]

Simply the above - i dont want to have this negative energy in my life. How can i release it for good in the quickest way?Why does my brain keep going over things i just want it to stop! Im doing yoga poses which release anger. Any advice on what to do?

As with everything else you can't force it. It will take the time it will take. It does help to spend time with people that make you feel good, friends, family, and physical exercise helps to release anger. Running helps if you can do that. Or kick boxing.

But healing is a process. And not a linear one. So if you have a really good week next week that doesn't mean you will never have a bad day again. It will take a long time probably. Not just a few days or weeks.

Getting past what happened means you need to look at why it happened too; if you noticed   early on for example but chose to ignore them and why. Just 'forgetting about it' might seem appealing but you might find yourself in another toxic relationship if you're not careful. Running from your emotions is not the best way, you'll just have to work through them.

[Tobiasfunke]

The ruminating and the anger that comes from it are the worst. It's gotten better over the past year but is still there. It comes out of nowhere sometimes. Other times something I see or hear kind of triggers it. It's varies from distracting to debilitating and is exhausting. I try to stay as occupied with work , working out hobbies etc but it creeps into those things as well. I can be having fun family thing or just driving along and an overwhelming wave of anger will wash over me from a thought or something. I truely hate it and hope it goes away. It's draining nobody wants these feelings or emotions and they are so prevalent in my daily routine. Maybe like someone with arthritis feels with pain or copd with sob. I'd say working out is the thing I've found that diminishes those feelings. the most self soothing

[JerryRG]

Hello C

I think pwBPD have the luxury of being able to forget everything. I don't know because I'm not a pwBPD. This reminds me of alcoholism and how they get loopy and black out and don't remember their behaviours, problem is they don't learn, grow or heal from mistakes they have forgotten.

I believe we nons hurt and remember but this allows us the opportunity of self reflection and then grow and learn what needs to change.

So in a way pain and memories may be best for our overall recovery?

PwBPD seem to repeat the same behaviours and just don't get what's wrong.

Hope you feel better.

You are not alone!  

[Dhand77]

Unfortunately I don't think it happens quickly. I think if we can stay busy and think about other things and not talk about it with people all the time, it will help. It's just really hard to do so. I know what you mean though... .my brain has been in over drive. It's hard to focus on ourselves after being "trained" by them to focus on them for so long.

This really hits hard for me. Being "trained" to focus on them and then they instantly cut you off of the supply. Wow. Then what happens, is you get hurt and angry and you end up continuing to feed them with your negative emotions. First they fed off your love, then they feed off your negativity. Emotional Vampires.

I think it's ok to be angry AND to embrace the anger. But, DO NOT let it consume you. I use my anger to make sure she never does this to me again. If I don't hold on to some anger, and give in to any sympathy for her, I feel like I'll be just back at square one.

You have to remind yourself, the ONLY person that controls your emotions are YOU. Not you BPDex. Remind yourself that they have no power over you and the only power they have is the power you give them.

[cherryblossom]

Thank u all i admit ive sent him some angry texts but im just feeding him like u say i dont know with what as ive been pretty blunt about how what he has done has affected me and calling him out on his manipulation. Im goung to delete his number i think- ive blocked him from facebook. Like i say i still feel bonded to him even though he is gone and with someone else

[gotbushels]

cherryblossom if you're looking for practical things you can do to speed up the process, you can try:

1) writing to yourself when you're angry about him / the relationship

2) figure out what you learned and what you want to take with you from that relationship

3) rant to friends and family about the relationship when you feel compelled to bomb him with angry texts

It may take a few months for the anger to dissipate, but it inevitably does. Have hope

[Dhand77]

Delete his number. Delete EVERYTHING. I even spent a night deleting EVERY single post she made on my Facebook. Every comment. Every picture. Delete it all. It's empowering. Then change all of your privacy settings for everything, so he can't even see a single picture or post other than your profile pic and banner pic.

I look at it like they declared war on us. Emotional war. How do you win? By not playing along. Erase that jerkstore from your life. Completely. It has helped me immensely.

[vortex of confusion]

Thank u all i admit ive sent him some angry texts but im just feeding him like u say i dont know with what as ive been pretty blunt about how what he has done has affected me and calling him out on his manipulation. Im goung to delete his number i think- ive blocked him from facebook. Like i say i still feel bonded to him even though he is gone and with someone else

You are feeding his ego. I am pretty sure that the fact that he had such an impact on you has probably fed his ego. Little kids don't care if the attention they get is positive or negative. If you refuse to give them positive attention, then they push your buttons and misbehave until you respond and it becomes a vicious cycle. It is really hard to break that cycle.

I think that the more you try to rush things, the more you slow down the healing process. I have been trying to rush myself. I get angry at myself for being angry. Why the heck can't I just be done with this and move on? The less contact you have the better.

I know I did the text bombing with angry texts thing. I didn't think it would make an ounce of difference to him. I didn't care if it fed his ego or anything else. I did it because I needed to say those things for ME. Some of the stuff that I called him out on were things that I don't think I had ever told him in such a blunt manner. I don't know if it helped me or not as I ended up feeling guilty for being so harsh. The truth is that what I said wasn't really harsh. It was the truth that was harsh, not me.

[cherryblossom]

It's hard to focus on ourselves after being "trained" by them to focus on them for so long.

yeah that def rings true![/quote]
I know I did the text bombing with angry texts thing. I didn't think it would make an ounce of difference to him. I didn't care if it fed his ego or anything else. I did it because I needed to say those things for ME. Some of the stuff that I called him out on were things that I don't think I had ever told him in such a blunt manner. I don't know if it helped me or not as I ended up feeling guilty for being so harsh. The truth is that what I said wasn't really harsh. It was the truth that was harsh, not me. [/quote]
that's why I did it I don't care if it fed his ego -I did feel it guilty so my last text was simply - I know this is falling on deaf ears because you cant/wont acknowledge my feelings. I really do hope one day you'll find the power to get out the sink instead of circling the drain. I wish you luck. I am no longer participating in this trauma bond. I am putting focus back on myself.

And I truly mean that -I will get his number blocked tomorrow and delete his number -I will be free from it then -there's no way I can engage and I can continue moving on

cherryblossom if you're looking for practical things you can do to speed up the process, you can try:

1) writing to yourself when you're angry about him / the relationship

2) figure out what you learned and what you want to take with you from that relationship

3) rant to friends and family about the relationship when you feel compelled to bomb him with angry texts

It may take a few months for the anger to dissipate, but it inevitably does. Have hope

thanks for above

Unfortunately I don't think it happens quickly. I think if we can stay busy and think about other things and not talk about it with people all the time, it will help. It's just really hard to do so. I know what you mean though... .my brain has been in over drive. It's hard to focus on ourselves after being "trained" by them to focus on them for so long.

You have to remind yourself, the ONLY person that controls your emotions are YOU. Not you BPDex. Remind yourself that they have no power over you and the only power they have is the power you give them.

yes you are right thanks

Hello C

I think pwBPD have the luxury of being able to forget everything. I don't know because I'm not a pwBPD. This reminds me of alcoholism and how they get loopy and black out and don't remember their behaviours, problem is they don't learn, grow or heal from mistakes they have forgotten.

I believe we nons hurt and remember but this allows us the opportunity of self reflection and then grow and learn what needs to change.

So in a way pain and memories may be best for our overall recovery?

PwBPD seem to repeat the same behaviours and just don't get what's wrong.

Hope you feel better.

You are not alone!   

yes very good insights

I'd say working out is the thing I've found that diminishes those feelings. the most self soothing

I do find that -I've not been active last day or so -samba practice not on and didnt drag myself to spa/swimming -will keep it up -an old friend has become a zumba teacher I went to her class other eve that ws good -will keep that going

[cherryblossom]

So if you have a really good week next week that doesn't mean you will never have a bad day again. It will take a long time probably. Not just a few days or weeks.

Getting past what happened means you need to look at why it happened too;

yeah good reminder about good week / bad week -not linear -I am doing a lot of reflecting, seeing a T since last March -have v good understanding of why got into it -just this thread more about coping with the here and now side of feeling the anger -just venting more than anything