BPD's with newborns...

[Herodias]

How do male persons with BPD react to a newborn? Any experience with this? I am wondering if they get jealous of them? They say it's normal for a new father to feel left out when a new mother spends all her time with the baby... .so how does a father with BPD react and how do you handle it?

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[Turkish]

This is his gf's baby, not your, right? You're still legally entangled with him. What's your stake here? Is he, or the OW reaching out to you?

For me, after she quit great feeding our second child (now D4), I felt like the mother. Maybe o focused up taking care of then D0 and S2, but they were babies. It's hard enough an relationships, much less with a parent with mental illness who needs constant validation.

[JWstillhoping]

I can only speak from my experience, and of course everyone is different. When I had my kiddo, his father (with BPD) was extremely attentive, in love with the whole process. That lasted about 3 days until he got angry about my family coming to visit. after that point, he became angry, jealous, and very demanding of me, with some nice moments sprinkled in (at the time I didn't understand this Jekyll & Hyde). I was the sole caregiver as he could not control his frustration and rage when things went wrong (our kiddo cried a lot!). So I took over all care, was terribly sleep deprived and depressed. His father made it 10x worse due to his anger and selfishness. I know he is battling an illness now, and it makes more sense to me after learning more. My only advice is get help. family, friends, trustworthy babysitters. I was mostly alone, and I think that would have helped me cope a lot as I could not rely on my partner at all for any support. Hugs.

[waitingwife]

My uBPDH was super dysregulated after week 3 of our now D6. The sleep deprivation caused it all and then it was like a cycle... .I had no clue about BPD and was living in a dreamland that a baby would totally bring about a change in the rages... .However we we t through one of the worst dysregulations... .Not anything dangerous but too many fights that led me into post partum depression of some sort... .It took me a very long time to bond with my baby and I feel like that bitter experience has caused some sort of trauma in me and I have not been able to go for a 2nd baby allthough I really feel so bad for my D6. It was the hardest in our marriage and any big life change like a baby is stressful for healthy couples so a mental challenege thrown in only complicated it... .Had I known about bod and equipped myself better then I think it would be easier to navigate... .But that was my rick bottom and I seeked therapy from there in and have fallen in love with my baby... .

Did anybody have 2 or more babies with an undiagnosed BPD spouse? How did thay go?