Help NC what to do

[cm3557]

I have committed to NC with my exNPD/BPD.  I broke up with him after finding hard evidence of him cheating.  That's what it took to get me out of that horrible abusive relationship.  I've tried to break up with him over and over before but always was sucked back in.  I don't want to make the same mistakes.  He will try any manipulation tactic he can.

He'd been calling.  Never answered.  :)eleted VM's without listening.  Feelings strong.  The calls became more frequent... So i knew the showing up at my house bit would be next.  What do you know - he comes knocking on my door.  I prepared myself for this and i KNEW that i COULD NOT open door.  Not even a crack.  So i stayed strong and went in my bedroom.  he was trying to talk through the door.  He then came around to my window (slightly open ) saying how he needed to just tell me a few things etc I said "I dont want to hear what you have to say. You need to leave" shut window - left room.

He continued to call and call and knock and knock.  Honestly, it was becoming emotionally traumatizing for me.  I called my brother in law and sister for help, Luckily they live close, and they sped over.  They had to talk to him and get him to leave.  (they had never met before... in a year and 4 months... .he isolated me from everyone... .DONE with that game).

I thought that would be the end of it and that the message was clear - but then I started receiving manipulative text messages from and unknown number... .turns out he is using his best (and only) friend who I had hung out with a few times to get to me.  

TEXT:

Hi ____, this is _____.  I understand ______ went to your place today and talked to your sister.  We want to respect that conversation.  I know its not good for you two to connect, but i'm hoping youd e willing to talk to me, just for a few minutes. Its importnat  for _______'s mental health as we are working with him to put  a plan in place for his immendiate intensive therapy.  He has so much mental and emotional stress holding him back from taking this next step for his health.  If youd be willing to, id appreciate the chance to chat briefly, just you and me.  Purely to communicate some things____ needs to get off his chest, and not to ask to get back together.  It would allow him to have a little closure and strengthen his ability to take the necessary steps to get healthy.  Im sure you're going through a lot also, and totally appreciate this is asking a lot.  I feel a little awkward even asking, but I think its that important to allow him to take action.  Let me know if you are willing to chat.  Thanks, ______.

Im furious! His friend has NO Idea who he is dealing with and knows nothing about the abuse and hurt that has occurred.  I feel so disrespected.  Everything in that message is about HIM HIM HIM. Get things off his chest?  He destroyed me, lied to me, manipulated me and cheated on me.  and mental health plan?  I am the one who got him diagnosed (even his ex wife of 10 years thanked me for this!) and got his set up in an intensive DBT therapy program.  this is so manipulative and sick on so many levels.  I JUST found out about the cheating a week ago and i was CLEAR - DO NOT CONTACT ME.  He said his piece to my face already.  What could he possibly say that would help him "take the next step for his health" ?  Its all a bunch of lies.  I want to meet up with his friend just to tell him the whole story and expose my exBPD/NPD! Im so frustrated and scared about what he will try next.  I want him out of my life!  Im trying so hard to stay no contact as i've been sucked back in too many times before. Should i meet with his friend or talk with his friend?  My brother in law grabbed my phone, copied the number and texted back "please do not contact _____.  You are not helping any situation, only making things worse".  I wish he hadn't done that - I think no response would have been better possibly. Do you think he will stop after this?

[Larmoyant]

cm3557, I'm still trying to work all this out and there are others on here who'll be able to advise you, but I wouldn't meet with his friend if I were you. He'll just use it to keep in contact. They'll use anything they can in my experience. Keep committed to NC and don't do what I've been doing as it just prolongs the agony. I've endured a 4 month nightmare break-up because I kept responding. Didn't get me anywhere just more hurt and pain. You can do it.

[cm3557]

cm3557, I'm still trying to work all this out and there are others on here who'll be able to advise you, but I wouldn't meet with his friend if I were you. He'll just use it to keep in contact. They'll use anything they can in my experience. Keep committed to NC and don't do what I've been doing as it just prolongs the agony. I've endured a 4 month nightmare break-up because I kept responding. Didn't get me anywhere just more hurt and pain. You can do it.

Thank you!

[SRbikerider]

No, do not meet the friend.

Is the relationship over?  If yes, NC.  Block anybody that tries to intervene. 

Nobody needs the drama that is BPD. 

The only person's mental health that should be your concern is your's.  You are only responsible for your own mental health.  The "friend" has no concept of boundaries!

Set your boundaries and stick to them.  No turning back.  You will feel so much better.  Might take a little time, but it will get so much easier and so much better!