Almost 4 weeks NC with my exBPDgf and I'm so much better

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

4 weeks NC and slowly allowing the horrible memories to fade, her insane accusations and threats are off the chart.

Just realized a few days ago or maybe last week I started sleeping well again and waking up ready to face my day. Going to AA and Alanon and the thing I notice most is my clarity of thoughts. I'm able to think again. I cannot express how enjoyable it is to have this gift. Thank God!

I can relax and breath, sleep, think, emotions are level, anxiety almost non existent and obsessive thoughts about the exgf are few and when they do come I don't feel much if any emotional attachment.

Never thought this day/time would arrive. I did see my exgf and her bf drive by yesterday, a moment of anger and jealousy then I realized that poor man is just like me, love bombed, lied to, manipulated, conned, lost, controlled, and eventually beaten up for loving and giving his best.

Am I jealous of being with someone who hates themselves to a point she destroys the ones that love her? NOPE!

Just got snared by her BPD and my foo and my life goes on and nothing can hold me back or determine my goals and happiness but me alone.

I am better for this whole experience and I owe it all to my willingness to do the right thing, I dug my exgf out of the dumpster and loved her like no other for 4 years, gave her the perfect son, saved her from killing herself and drug abuse, alcohol and certain death.

If that's not enough I'm not sure what else I can do, and she repays all this with accusations of abuse and now she's going to make my life a living hell?

Been there done that honey, Happy Mothers Day baby!

I know you are incapable of honest true love but I'm not!

I still love you, only God knows why.

[drummerboy5]

I always feel better awhile after my exBPD/npd goes silent. Like you I start sleeping again, my mind starts to think clearly, but when she pops up after a month of the ST the dress is back 100%. I can not go 100% NC as she is pregnant. I have not contacted her in the last month, but I've left all Communication open incase she allows me at the birth. I'm not holding my breath tho

[JerryRG]

That's a tough one drummerboy5

I'm suppose to take my son 3 days a week and because of his mothers false claims about me abusing her and my son I cannot be around either of them. She's hurting our son, me and herself, she hates me for throwing her out of my life. Too bad.

She will have to account for the treatment of our son and me one day. Her lies will catch up to her eventually.

Sad situation for my son, she's made it impossible for me to be his father since she became pregnant, she spent 3 months in treatment and didn't even want me there when he was born.

She got out of treatment for Christmas 2014 and I seen her at her friends place, during the visit she asked me to feel our son moving inside her. I couldn't feel him move because he must have been resting and she looked up at me and said, "hmm guess he just doesn't like you" then smiled that nasty grin knowing it would destroy me.

Brutal evil thing to tell the father of his son, speaking for my son telling me he doesn't like his father. There is nothing she wouldn't say to break my spirit.

Truly sick

[drummerboy5]

That's a tough one drummerboy5

I'm suppose to take my son 3 days a week and because of his mothers false claims about me abusing her and my son I cannot be around either of them. She's hurting our son, me and herself, she hates me for throwing her out of my life. Too bad.

She will have to account for the treatment of our son and me one day. Her lies will catch up to her eventually.

Sad situation for my son, she's made it impossible for me to be his father since she became pregnant, she spent 3 months in treatment and didn't even want me there when he was born.

She got out of treatment for Christmas 2014 and I seen her at her friends place, during the visit she asked me to feel our son moving inside her. I couldn't feel him move because he must have been resting and she looked up at me and said, "hmm guess he just doesn't like you" then smiled that nasty grin knowing it would destroy me.

Brutal evil thing to tell the father of his son, speaking for my son telling me he doesn't like his father. There is nothing she wouldn't say to break my spirit.

Truly sick

When will the court system make these people responsible for their behaviors and action?

[londons]

just wanted to say good job, jerry!  i am proud of you and very happy to hear each day is treating you better and better... .     congrats... .you deserve that peace... . 

[JerryRG]

Thank you londons

I have so much support and these forums are a big part of my recovery.

My exgf is still trying to control me through my son, she knows I'm no longer interested in her or a relationship so this is her only option to keep me around. She didn't realize making false claims of abuse would eventually push me away so she didn't think this one through. She's extremely mentally ill, everyone knows it but her.

I keep praying she wakes up before she loses everything, she's never was my responsibility and I'm unable to do anything but take care of myself and watch the train wreck just one more time.

We cannot give away what we do not have. Getting well is all I have for my son and myself.

Hope you all are having a wondeful day!