No contact with ex BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Comments?

[Jacidrinkswine]

Comments?

[C.Stein]

She is not your problem anymore, as hard as that may be to accept.  She needs to see the need to get help on her own.  Only then will she have any hope of successfully managing this disorder.

[once removed]

her family likely has some idea of the severity.

you sound conflicted. why are you in no contact?

[Sadly]

I suppose it depends on how well you know her family, would they believe you. If anything bad happened could you live with the knowledge that you may have helped. It's not really a black or white yes or no is it?   X

[Jacidrinkswine]

For more info- look at my other post. She has told me so many thing I do not know the truth anymore. She is very messed up. Claimes to be getting DBT. She has lied to me many times about going to therapy, including elaborate stories to make me believe she was getting counseling. She says I am the only one she confides in.

[blackbirdsong]

I remember I also wanted to do something similar.

I actually talked to my therapist after regarding this topic.

Before that I even found some online materials that said that this is codependency trait. My personal opinion is that our codependency is built on narcisstic traits but that is for sone other topic.

You are still feeling responsible for her, you are still in 'white knight' mode... .

First, her family knows that she has issues. They maybe don't know details and maybe never heard about BPD like you did but they have some insight for sure. If they are close, if not - what is the point of telling them?

Also, considering the fact that they know her much longer than you and they didn't react/change/involve - again, what is the point of telling them.

And the most important thing:

Tou can tell to every person on this planet it won't matter and it won't change anything... .Only she can make the change... .You are helpless in your attempts to change someone... .

[JerryRG]

My exes family and friends are well aware of the severity of her mental illness and as others have said until she realizes her need for help no one could convince her.

I offered everything from DBT to AA but she just didn't want to deal with her issues. She watched my life change dramatically but that wasn't enough. Her mother tried many times to get her long term inpatient treatment but nothing worked.

She believes being in a relationship will save her but we all know that's not true. If she cannot honestly understand her needs or her mental illness blinds her or she does know but refuses to get the help her choices rest on her shoulders.

No amount of love, support or kindness from me motivated her in reality, she may do things superficially to convince me she's changed but we are judged on our actions not our intent.

My father never accepted he was alcoholic and took this belief to his grave, he couldn't find answers and that cost him is happiness, his family, and ultimately his life.

We who know our faults and defects and wish to change are only hindered by our own willingness to change. Maybe pwBPD don't realize anything?