On Pedestals and Closure

[tryingsome]

Not much of poster in my own situation, but I found this incident insightful and thought I would share. We were having dinner together while handing off the children and relating on parental duties (my ex and I have been apart for 5 months now). At dinner things slowly spiraled out of control and landed on the subject of us getting back together. It was at this moment I told her my grief, how if at times if I were just a stranger or some other less attached individual that she would actually care about my importance in her life more; including friendship, understanding, and even sex. This kind of ended dinner right there (quite invalidating, I know). At home, we discussed on txt portions of that conversation and here is what I learned:

1) My exPWD said she considers me better than anyone else

2) She gives me LESS leeway because I am better

3) That is up to me to make things right.

4) She said our r/s is between a fairy tale and reality... .

Now, I can see if a pwNPD, how they can easily get drawn into this. Saying one is the best thing since sliced bread. It is a pretty deep hook and I can now see the attraction between the two types of PD. And it would explain how I was not overly attached to my ex.

Examining these statements show the clearly backwards mindset, or at least from the perspective I am the witness. For who would give less leeway to those they don't know and challenge those they 'love' more. It was a this moment that I could see clearly, there is no where to go but failed attachment; that the pedestal is so high and so inflexible that eventually upon close inspection I could never live up to those images. It was a great insight and a moment of understanding on the nuisance of our dance.

[Icanteven]

I told her my grief, how if at times if I were just a stranger or some other less attached individual that she would actually care about my importance in her life more... .

This may be the single hardest piece of what we're going through as a family.  You don't even talk TO YOUR CHILDREN.  You play mind games with me and throw away a huge chunk of our lives together and don't even look back.  You send me a text that you want some of the dog's toys mailed to you because you "can't live without him."  The dog?  THE F%#$ING DOG?  Not me, not our kids, the dog. 

There needs to be a new word for grief because it doesn't even scratch what your post reminded me of.