Struggling

[Parents! Get help here!]

My 14 yr old DD has many BPD traits. This journey began about a year and a half ago for my husband and myself.

She is an only child and my husband and I have tried our best to raise her in a loving environment.

For a while we thought it was just puberty as her hormones went crazy. So much second guessing. "Is this just normal teen angst and moodiness? or is this something more?" So hard to know.

We have gone through several therapists. The first one didn't validate my daughter enough. The second one validated too much and let my daughter run the show. For a while we took a break from therapists and things seemed to calm down. We thought we had weathered the storm. But the raging started up again and finally we took her to a psychologist who specialized in gifted teens (since my daughter his gifted).

The psychologist was the one who first told us about BPD. When I read about it, it sounded just like my daughter! WE know have DD in DBT individually (which she loves), and soon will be doing group therapy that the family participates in, too.

I find it so hard to explain what is going on in our home. I often get exhausted from it and feel myself slipping into depressive moods. The intense emotions my daughter feels and expresses to us take a toll. Later, she will be all happy, as if nothing has happened... .and I'm still reeling from it all.

I'm looking forward to hearing other people's journey and not feeling so alone. Thanks!

[breathein]

My 14 yr old DD has many BPD traits. This journey began about a year and a half ago for my husband and myself.

She is an only child and my husband and I have tried our best to raise her in a loving environment.

For a while we thought it was just puberty as her hormones went crazy. So much second guessing. "Is this just normal teen angst and moodiness? or is this something more?" So hard to know.

We have gone through several therapists. The first one didn't validate my daughter enough. The second one validated too much and let my daughter run the show. For a while we took a break from therapists and things seemed to calm down. We thought we had weathered the storm. But the raging started up again and finally we took her to a psychologist who specialized in gifted teens (since my daughter his gifted).

The psychologist was the one who first told us about BPD. When I read about it, it sounded just like my daughter! WE know have DD in DBT individually (which she loves), and soon will be doing group therapy that the family participates in, too.

I find it so hard to explain what is going on in our home. I often get exhausted from it and feel myself slipping into depressive moods. The intense emotions my daughter feels and expresses to us take a toll. Later, she will be all happy, as if nothing has happened... .and I'm still reeling from it all.

I'm looking forward to hearing other people's journey and not feeling so alone. Thanks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gorges]

I have had similar experiences with therapists.  It seems that it would be neglectful not to have them in therapy but by the same token I feel that the over validators make them even more delusional and manipulative.

Yes, this can be so depressing.  For me it also highlights the weaknesses of my marriage which is also depressing.  I have found meditation, prayer and occasional therapy for myself helpful.  Also, when you read the books on DBT using their techniques for practicing radical acceptance and managing emotions can help.

My daughter is now 18.  So, we are getting to the point where she won't be living with us.  She has not been living with us for 4 months because we went to another country and she stayed back with my parents.  When she was not living with us, I was able to let a lot more go and get some rest.

[michmom]

Welcome Breathein,

You are not alone.  You are brave.  You have strength even when you think you can't take another moment.  You've done it many times.  We all have.  Always remind yourself that you daughter is doing the best she can given her current circumstances.  My daughter, (now sixteen) has had four or five therapists over about 4 + years.  She has mostly been in therapy at least once a week all that time and multiple times she went to therapy twice a week.  She takes Lamictal and Abilify to stabilize her moods.  First it was Depression, then it was Bi-polar disorder and now BPD traits.  After nearly a year waiting list she is now in Adolescent DPT with a therapist once a week and she and I go to skill training together once a week.  I see positive changes, slowly but surely both in her and myself.  Hang in there. 

This site saved my sanity.  I now have a direction for myself and I have more strength and a better understanding about how to help my relationship with my daughter.  I can't change her, only she can change her experience, but I have the ability to try and make it more comfortable while she learns to help herself.

Touch back and let us know what you think of the materials on the right side wall. 

[lbjnltx]

Hi breathein,



Glad to have you here with us!

It's great that your d is in DBT and will be doing skills training together with you.

Michmom is so right when she says to use the same skills your d learns to help you cope with the intense emotions that come with having a child who  suffers with traits of BPD.  Another perspective on this is that you can model the skills for her and show her/remind her, through your own actions that they do work and that you are in this with her.  Modeling is the highest level of skills and parenting!

lbj