uBPD girlfriend broke up with me shocked, need some insight

[jayh]

Hi I'm fairly new here been reading some posts and think I'm in a similar situation as what I've read so far

My relationship with my ex uBPD started off intense very early in the relationship, similar to what I have read, early in the relationship she told me about her past and how she was hurt by her ex, me being a nice caring guy assured her that I wouldn't do the same. In the beginning the relationship was amazing she seemed like the girl of my dreams everything thing I liked she did too, we were good together besides the fact that there were many arguements regarding trust and insecurities, soon after things started changing she would be hot and cold, fights about little things would escalate into something big and we would break up and make up countless times, her ex the one she despises was back in her life they have a child together she told me he just wants to be friends but later on she cheated on me with him and had a miscarriage with he's child and of course blamed me for the infidelity at the same time being sad and apologetic about it and I ended up forgiving her and we got back together, the relationship was good again for 2 months then went downhill yet again when someone else was in the picture which of course blamed me for again stating that I wasn't giving her enough attention, which wasn't true because I devoted all my time to her and gave her all the attention,  after that incident we split for a while but she didn't know who she wanted to be with and in the end chose me. yet again things went back to normal and we were happy for a short period, she started school and had a lot of male attention which in turn made me the bad guy, she would blame me for everything that went wrong I was basically her punching bag, found faults in me, accused me of not doing enough when I did everything I possibly could for her and her son, accused me of lying and cheating with no proof and even when proven otherwise she still wouldn't believe me. moving forward to recent events she broke up with me over a month ago this time I let go, she finds ways to contact me and though undiagnosed shows BPD traits, I want to be with her but everytime I push forward she pulls away and when I distance myself she pushes to get me back

Any help and advice would be appreciated

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[Lucky Jim]

Hey Jay, Welcome!  You have come to a great place.  Everything you describe is quite familiar.  The push/pull dynamic is a hallmark of BPD.  You are also finding out about blame shifting to the Non, in order for the pwBPD to avoid taking responsibility for herself.  Drama is the norm, I'm afraid.  Since you are here on the Saving Board, presumably you are hoping to get back together, right?  If so, what makes you think it will go differently next time?  These are tough questions, I know.

LuckyJim