58 days out and things are worse than ever

[LilMe]

I haven't even begun to deal with my detachment from uBPD.  It rares up now and then, but is pushed aside by crisis after crisis.  So much has happened.  A little good, but mostly bad.

The latest was a set-up of some strange sort by uBPD.  He has everything I own and won't let me have it.  Yesterday he said I could come get it, so I arranged for a babysitter and help, but when we showed up he offered me a couple trash bags of broken toys and said he had witnesses.  Huh?  I never could figure out witnesses to what and where they were.  Maybe hiding in the house?  There were no cars and no one I could see.  I did tell him to f*** off at one point, which wasn't very nice, but I am seriously about to just collapse.

Two of my children, in particular, are really having a hard time and I am not dealing with it very well.  I have been going to the local domestic violence shelter for counseling and help, but it is very limited in what they can/will do.  I found out yesterday that they have reduced us to one 30 minute session with one child each week.  I have a 7 year old who is defiant and dysregulates and my 14 year old is cutting and may be getting suicidal again.  She has been babysitting while I work on the weekends, but I am not sure if she can handle it anymore.  We have no insurance yet, so I can't really take them anywhere else until we get it.  My youngest two have no social security numbers (uBPD wouldn't let me get them) and the process to get all the paperwork is very hard and overwhelming.  We can't get insurance until I get that done.  My first try was rejected.

These are just a few of the highlights.  In good news, I have wonderful family and friends who are helping us as much as they can.  We also managed to get a fridge, washer, dryer, beds, and clothes so we can actually sleep, eat, and wear clean clothes.

I am hoping that the more awful uBPD is, maybe I will hate him eventually?  At this point I am angry and perplexed by his behaviors, but still feel sorry for him.  I do feel my concern for him subsiding.  The last thing I said to him yesterday was that it sucks that he can take away everything I have worked my whole life for, but it will be worth it if I can save my children and help them recover from the abuse.

[C.Stein]

Things certainly seem better than they were a month ago, so that is something positive to hold onto.   

Is there anyone in your family that can help you with the social security paperwork?

[LilMe]

It is the birth certificates that are holding me up now.  I must get those before I can apply for SS#s.  They want proof I was a resident of my state when they were born.  One of them is 7 now so it is complicated.  They rejected a bank statement.  I have to come up with something else more official.  Nothing was in my name at the time and I didn't work so it is hard to find something else.  Everyone is helping me brainstorm, but it is something I must do.  The support and help of my friends and family is all that is keeping me going right now!

[C.Stein]

It is the birth certificates that are holding me up now.  I must get those before I can apply for SS#s.  They want proof I was a resident of my state when they were born.  One of them is 7 now so it is complicated.  They rejected a bank statement.  I have to come up with something else more official.  Nothing was in my name at the time and I didn't work so it is hard to find something else.  Everyone is helping me brainstorm, but it is something I must do.  The support and help of my friends and family is all that is keeping me going right now!

State ID? 

[LilMe]

Hmm... .I guess I could ask if they can give me something official from 7 years ago. Thanks for the idea, C.Stein!

[C.Stein]

Hmm... .I guess I could ask if they can give me something official from 7 years ago. Thanks for the idea, C.Stein!

Look on your state ID, it might already have a first issued date on it.  You also want to check to see what is accepted as valid proof of residency.  Things like post office box, state id, passport, official type correspondence to a physical address (bills, rent, etc... .) are some possibilities.   That last one probably won't help you since you said everything was in his name, but there might be something you can use.