Not a bedtime story

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I'd like to share with you a story:

You're a b$&@h.

A child. A hoarder.

More names but you can't recall them.

You shop bc you have nothing else to do when you're not working. You know it's not healthy but it gets you out of the house.

This is all your fault. Your crazy. Out of control. I have to leave bc of you. Clean up this house.

Maybe if your in a better mood I can come home tomorrow.

Besides not coming  home, I'm shutting my phone off too. Even God wouldn't forgive you right now.

Your father stole my razor.

His ring is missing. We can't find it. He says I think I threw it out when I was angry. This ring is worth hundreds of dollars. We never find it. He tells other people he lost it while gardening.

Can I have a cup of tea?

Next day- why is there a teacup in the tub? No recall.

Who left the burners on the grill? All night? I never do that.  (You dont even know how to use the grill.) He was grilling the night before.

Your vases are broken. Your necklace is missing. A lid to a tote disappears.

He screams in your face "I hate you so much right now."

He tells you you're a horrible person.

He talks to you when he's ready, not when you want to talk.

He accuses you of sleeping with your best friend and her husband.

He sleeps downstairs and locks the door to the bedroom so you can't get in. If you dare to knock and try to talk to him, he intimidates you til you go away.

He calls your male asst to warn him off. Your asst. At your job. Bc he saw on the phone bill that you were speaking after work hrs.

He talks over you when you try to resolve conflict.

He talks over you most of the time.

He is a different person in public. Very nice to sales clerks, waiters, strangers.

He works all the time so your alone in the house.

If you come home late, he accuses you of sleeping around.

You start writing down your arguments bc you think you're going crazy. You can't remember details.

When he finds out your father is in town he says God d$&n you and hangs up on you. Says I would rather you f$&&ed your boss then brought him into town. You didn't get my permission. Don't let him in my office. I don't want him there unless your home. This is a man he's ate with vacationed with bought gifts for known for 15 years. Essentially, his father in law. He comes home and locks the office door while your out. He says he's calling the police to check his home and calling lawyers to get advice on you and your father being in his home. (you've lived there for 14 years).

Calls your job after you leave him.  Tells everyone you left him stole from him trashed his house. Asks anyone who answers when you'll be back. Calls repeatedly. 5x a day.

He texts you that he hopes you get yours. Drop dead. I'm going to beat the (expletive) out of your father. I hate you so much. You hurt me. I'm in terrible pain. You did me wrong. This is all your fault. Why did you leave! I've done nothing wrong here. We were a great couple. I love you.

You ask other people- is what he did so wrong? Everyone looks at you like your crazy.

Thank you for reading this story.

[Phoenix41]

I'd like to share with you a story:

You're a b$&@h.

A child. A hoarder.

More names but you can't recall them.

You shop bc you have nothing else to do when you're not working. You know it's not healthy but it gets you out of the house.

This is all your fault. Your crazy. Out of control. I have to leave bc of you. Clean up this house.

Maybe if your in a better mood I can come home tomorrow.

Besides not coming  home, I'm shutting my phone off too. Even God wouldn't forgive you right now.

Your father stole my razor.

His ring is missing. We can't find it. He says I think I threw it out when I was angry. This ring is worth hundreds of dollars. We never find it. He tells other people he lost it while gardening.

Can I have a cup of tea?

Next day- why is there a teacup in the tub? No recall.

Who left the burners on the grill? All night? I never do that.  (You dont even know how to use the grill.) He was grilling the night before.

Your vases are broken. Your necklace is missing. A lid to a tote disappears.

He screams in your face "I hate you so much right now."

He tells you you're a horrible person.

He talks to you when he's ready, not when you want to talk.

He accuses you of sleeping with your best friend and her husband.

He sleeps downstairs and locks the door to the bedroom so you can't get in. If you dare to knock and try to talk to him, he intimidates you til you go away.

He calls your male asst to warn him off. Your asst. At your job. Bc he saw on the phone bill that you were speaking after work hrs.

He talks over you when you try to resolve conflict.

He talks over you most of the time.

He is a different person in public. Very nice to sales clerks, waiters, strangers.

He works all the time so your alone in the house.

If you come home late, he accuses you of sleeping around.

You start writing down your arguments bc you think you're going crazy. You can't remember details.

When he finds out your father is in town he says God d$&n you and hangs up on you. Says I would rather you f$&&ed your boss then brought him into town. You didn't get my permission. Don't let him in my office. I don't want him there unless your home. This is a man he's ate with vacationed with bought gifts for known for 15 years. Essentially, his father in law. He comes home and locks the office door while your out. He says he's calling the police to check his home and calling lawyers to get advice on you and your father being in his home. (you've lived there for 14 years).

Calls your job after you leave him.  Tells everyone you left him stole from him trashed his house. Asks anyone who answers when you'll be back. Calls repeatedly. 5x a day.

He texts you that he hopes you get yours. Drop dead. I'm going to beat the (expletive) out of your father. I hate you so much. You hurt me. I'm in terrible pain. You did me wrong. This is all your fault. Why did you leave! I've done nothing wrong here. We were a great couple. I love you.

You ask other people- is what he did so wrong? Everyone looks at you like your crazy.

Thank you for reading this story.

[Turkish]

Definitely not a bed time story, at least to tell the little ones.

You were with him a long time. He sounds like a very fragmented personality. Disintegrated, as my T would say. Knowing him so long, it sounds like you are strugglng with his dis-integrated traits, the extreme spltting. We tried and tried, but to no avail 

Are you more angry with him, or yourself?

[Larmoyant]

Phoenix41, I don't often reply on here (at least not yet), because I often don't know what to say, but just wanted to say that I can completely relate to your experience. The details might be different, but so similar it was eerie.

Turkish, what does it mean to have a 'fragmented personality' or 'disintegrated'?

[married21years]

ask yourself  have you become accustomed to this behavoir over the years

i know i did 

[Phoenix41]

Are you more angry with him, or yourself?

Turkish- I'm not angry at all. I thought about your question- for a long time to make sure. I don't hold him accountable, which I should for at least some of the things that occurred. Apart from frequent crying, I only feel an agitation at times. But it's directed towards friends and family. Not at him... Not at myself. So I thought about it a little more. I think I've lost anger as these events were normalized for me. Even others reactions don't sway me from my perception. This was my normal for a long time. It's like a mental block that I am trying to remove but can't.

ask yourself  have you become accustomed to this behavoir over the years

i know i did 

Married21 years- Yes. Completely. Good to know I'm not alone. 21 years! Ahhhhh i thought 15 was bad. I don't know how I absorbed all the pain. That is an emotion I have not buried. 

Phoenix41, I don't often reply on here (at least not yet), because I often don't know what to say, but just wanted to say that I can completely relate to your experience. The details might be different, but so similar it was eerie.

Larmoyant- I'm glad you replied. For me, the responses help. They're like candles that light the darkness. Feel free to share more details of your experience, if you'd like. Maybe we can help each other to process and heal.