My daughter

[Brokenmother]

My 14 year old has broken several laws, even plotting with other children to get a girl to kill herself and the girl is currently in the hospital. My child told us if we tried to punish her she would escalate her behavior and she said she would accuse us of abuse. She eventually ran away then threatened to kill herself when the police caught her. At the hospital (her 4th hospitalization in 10 months) we were told that they believe she has BPD and conduct disorder. The hospital turned her into dcf for trying to kill the other girl and other crimes and now dcf is saying she is not safe to come home as we have a younger child. My heart is broken.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bpd mother]

I am so sorry to hear of the problems with your 14 year old daughter. We love our children and to know they are capable of such acts is heartbreaking .

Now they have suggested a diagnosis maybe she can start to receive help. Keep posting here and people will support you.

[Huat]

I'm sure all of us on this board never, in our wildest dreams, thought we would be walking in these shoes - going down these paths.  It all happens to other people... .not us. 

So, so sorry for your heartache, Brokenmother.  There may not be any "answers" for you at this point... .no light at the end of the tunnel... .but by interacting on this site, you will find some comfort in knowing that you are being heard and that others have heart-breaking stories, too.  It helps to know you are not alone.

Navigate through the information you see on this site... .and keep writing.

[Brokenmother]

Today the case manager called and said my Dd was moved to acute hospital last night but could not tell me why. She had just been released after spending 8 days in an accute hospital. Was out less than 24 hours. So frustrated and hate not knowing what is going on!

[Mutt]

Hi Brokenmother,



I would like to join Bpd mother, huat I'm so sorry that you're going through this, Bpd mother, huat have good  points that you're D14 ( daughter 14 ) may be getting better after her diagnosis. I can see how difficult this would feel when we're going through a crisis and we don't know what a loved one is going through  It helps to talk to a T ( therapist ) concurrently with a support group. Many of our members here can relate with you and offer guidance and support. It helps to talk.  Are you seeing a T? Are family and friends supportive?


Hang in there.


Mutt

[lbjnltx]

Hi Broken Mother,

How is your d doing now?  Did you find out why she was put back in acute care?

Hang in there, your d is getting help and that is good.  After you get some rest can you update us on how she is and how you are doing?

We are walking with you.

lbjnltx

[Brokenmother]

She was put in acute care for homicidal thoughts. She called last night begging me to not let the courts put her in state custody for mental healthcare. The nurses eventually had to pull the phone from her hands as she was screaming and I felt like I was tearing in two. Today a judge ruled that she should be placed in state care temporarily and receive long term hospitalization. I hope that this long painful process will get her the help she needs. My fear is that all I will have accomplished is losing my daughter and that she will never forgive me or understand that these choices were the hardest I ever made and only made with her best intentions at heart.

[lbjnltx]

Oh dear, homicidal? 

Do you know much about where she will be going for long term care?  Has she been there before?

If your d makes some significant progress and you are working alongside her in some involved way, supporting her efforts, learning what she learns there is a high likelihood that she view this as an act to benefit her.

She will need to take responsibility for the reason she is there, which isn't something you had any control over any way.

lbj

[Brokenmother]

Yes I have asked the case manager to keep us as informed and involved as possible. We still want our child, she just isn't safe to be in the home with our younger child, especially with the homicidal actions and thoughts, running away, and threats against my husband and myself. I will do whatever I need to to get her help and hope that someday she will be safe to come home again. Until then I will visit her where she is.

[lbjnltx]

Sounds solid to me Brokenmother.

Is the facility she is in close enough for you and her dad to attend some therapy sessions together?  If not, over the phone can work too.  I did this with my d for months when she was in RTC up in Utah.

lbj