After a lot of planning, I should be able to move out everything I need when she is not at home. I was planning on 'doing the right thing' and waiting for her to come home, tell her in person that I was moving out.
The more I talk to people and think about it, this is a bad idea. I just don't know how she will react and need to protect myself. This feels wrong to me but I need to be smart about this, in case she gets violent or tries to accuse me of violence. She never has before but I can't trust that she won't.
Doing 'the right thing' got me codependent and in this mess and I'm going to try to get out.
Thanks everyone here for the continued feedback and support.
I personally don't think you should feel guilty about doing that. I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable doing, especially if you are afraid of a lack of predictability.
When I told my exBPDw that I wanted a separation, I did it over the phone for similar reasons. She ended up threatening suicide if I didn't come back and I did have to call the police three times. So, glad I did it over the phone--who knows, may have been much worse.
That all being said, I don't know your situation but... .if you are actually afraid of the person, then it changes code of conduct!
