I need a pat on the back dealing w/a narcissist father

[rebl.brown]

I know you all will understand. My BPD mother and narcissist father have very nearly put me in the grave over the years. As I struggle to deal with this destructive father (I'm no contact with mother) I finally stood up to him. But it was hard. What I tell you would seem silly to someone who has not grown up with these hideously and powerfully destructive people. We're building a house. The father calls today and says "You need to stop moving forward with this for 5 days. I am going to write out everything you need to do in detail. This is going to take me a couple of days." He used to be a builder.

Unsaid translation. "Hello idiot daughter. Since you are so stupid and are unable to function without me, you'll be needing me to tell you what type of house to build, how to build it and also, make sure you ask my permission before making any decision. Even if you follow all my instructions, I'll make sure to denigrate you at the end. You'll feel about as big as an ant when I am through with you. You are going to stay in this sick family system and will make me feel really good about myself at the expense of your soul."

I told him. "You go right ahead and write out all you want but I am going to do what I want to do." That one little statement made him so angry he could not get off the phone fast enough. I'm shaking, but I did it. Did I mention I'm over 50 years old? Earned a degree, have a wonderful marriage and two fantastic, successful kids. Narcissist is divorced and hated by everyone. Screw you, you jackass

[zubie_t]

That sounds awful, so degrading.  It would have been fine and normal for him to ask if you wanted the assistance.  But yeah...  

:/  I am glad you were able to say something to him finally though.  Good for you.  That is very hard.   

[Meadowslark]

Congratulations, rebl! That's a huge step, and his reaction shows you just how right you were about his intentions. Any normal father would have accepted your statement but only a narcissist would get so offended that they can't hang up fast enough.

The unsaid translation is spot-on. My NPDfather is the same way. "You should do what I want you to do because everything is about ME and MY NEEDS and if you don't do what I unreasonably demand that you do, then I will rip you to shred and humiliate you in the worst ways I can think of. HOW DARE YOU."

  You did a great job standing up to him!

[rebl.brown]

And days and days later, I am still struggling with crushing guilt, just for having said that much. Why is dealing with npd and BPD so difficult? Just trying to stand up for basic dignity. Now I'm getting the silent treatment which is just fine with me. I am seriously considering going no-contact with this man. It is so frustrating.