I just want my BPDgf to leave me alone for 3 days

[theodorus]

She is extremely codependent and brings this low level of simmering irritability, when she comes over. She has been coming over every day for the past several months.  She doesn't work, all she does is smoke weed and cigarettes all day, but harasses me about having a plan for the future, when she got put on long term disability by her employer for years of absences. Union job. Figures... .

Anyways, the point I'm trying to make here, is that she is over EVERY SINGLE ___ING DAY! She has a key to my place, because we did live together and we see each other often.

She won't listen to reason. If I turn my phone off, she'll think I committed suicide and bang on the door until I open it, making a scene.

I do not want to get a 3 day restraining order or get the cops involved, because that will create stress and a scene.

I'm considering getting the locks changed.  But that would mean I have to let her go.

She's not a bad person, but she's smothering me.

How do you tell someone who is obsessed with you that you don't want to see or speak to them for 3 days because they stress you out?

I know after the three days I'll be fine.

I have the lease on the apartment until December. I think I'm gonna move back to Ottawa, change my number, block her number from my parents house, and just leave.

Another part of me, sadly, wishes she would simply perish in her sleep one night.  Not that I want her to die or anything, but I think she and her family would be better off.

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[Lucky Jim]

Hey theo, you're in control here, not her.  Get your key back if you have to.  It's your place, right?  Suggest you stop acting like a victim and take positive steps to get what you want (three days of peace, for starters).  I'm not saying she's a bad person, either; what I'm saying is that you can speak up about your needs and take steps to achieve them.  Make sense?

LuckyJim

[livednlearned]

It does sound intense, she's there all the time and when she's there, she's irritable. That's tough.

Like LJ suggests, what would happen if you changed the locks?

People with BPD tend to have no boundaries, and often the people who end up in relationships with them have weak boundaries. We have to provide them.

Asserting boundaries gets easier with time. They are a bit harder to assert when there have been violations for a long time. Typically, when you introduce a boundary, the other person tests to see if they are serious.

Can you take a trip home and give yourself some time to shore up strength?