I don't know about any of you but I seem to be dying to know the truth. Everything logical points to the fact that she cheated and is with a new guy now. We were together for 5 years and typically as I'm sure many of you have done I ignored all the red flags and stuck with her the whole time. I yelled and got mad and ultimately kicked her out but I had no choice. She adamantly denies everything but it makes me feel stupid. I can't seem to get any closure. She was my best friend and even 3 days before she left we hung out had sex and everything was good. I recognize that she tried but it was all lies so nothing she said was good enough. It's so messed up to just be able to detach like this. Should I press for the truth or just accept what I already know. I stupidly sent her a text yesterday accusing her of being with someone I know. Her only response to this and about 30 other messages before that was "nope. But drive yourself crazy". What kills me is she has no empathy it's like she genuinely doesn't care that I actually am driving myself crazy. This person I was closer to than anyone on earth just dismisses me like I'm nothing. It's just so hard to accept. I knoe messaging her is the wrong thing to do and no matter what I can't be with her again. She will never be honest and even if she was and admits to being with other guys... then what? I could never let that go. Not to mention my family and friends would think I'm an idiot and she would have zero respect for me... .not that she has any anyways. It's just so odd that we loved each other. ... I'm putting my heart on the line and she doesn't care. It's like it's easier to just lie and be with someone else. How can she not value 5 years together? Am I crazy? I don't know what normal is anymore.
Detaching so fast, as well as the emotional coldness and apparent lack of empathy when they detach --
as if you meant nothing to them -- is typical of BPDs.
I have to say that this is what we usually observe in the context of a relationship with BPDs... .yet, I feel your pain, I endured the same.
My suggestion is to let her go, and do not contact her for any reason.
It will be very painful but there's nothing you can do at this point, and you have to focus on
your emotional well-being: she has a personality disorder, so arguing with her or asking her the truth would be utterly pointless. Even worse, she could play the victim. Let her go.