Experience with supervised visitation?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi,

Does anyone here have experience with supervised visitation? Does pwBPD usually avoid it or do they use it?

My dBPD exgf has been given supervised visitation with our 2s (4 hours each month until our final hearing in October). However, she has not used it since our initial hearing which was on march 14 and now we are approaching 3 months without any contact between them. She is of course using a lot of excuses but my feeling is that she doesn’t  really want to see 2s. However she spins it in court it will be clear that she has to prioritize herself before 2s.

[WalkingAway]

Hi,

Does anyone here have experience with supervised visitation? Does pwBPD usually avoid it or do they use it?

My dBPD exgf has been given supervised visitation with our 2s (4 hours each month until our final hearing in October). However, she has not used it since our initial hearing which was on march 14 and now we are approaching 3 months without any contact between them. She is of course using a lot of excuses but my feeling is that she doesn’t  really want to see 2s. However she spins it in court it will be clear that she has to prioritize herself before 2s.

[bravhart1]

I would also like to hear from anyone out there, how supervised visits went with the BPDop.

The OP in our case has been given supervised visits, but has delayed the hearing granting them to her for almost three months. It's odd that after six months of no contact she wouldn't be moving heaven and earth to get her contact back. She cannot begin supervised visits until the hearing takes place and the new parent coordinator is in place for two months. So it'll be at least September or October before she even gets to try supervised visits.

Wondering if it's just so controlled that she can't tolerate it?

[WalkingAway]

Wondering if it's just so controlled that she can't tolerate it?

Since it is no control from them at all, maybe they don't have any reason to do it. It is like my ex considers it as the same as no visitation at all... .

It seems that my ex is more interested in “winning” the case then to have contact with our son. Even after getting supervised visitation because of documented BPD, drug use and arrests, she still thinks she can get main custody in Oct. However, it seems against her purpose to not at least “fake” the interest in seeing 2s. It should be a given that not showing up will speak against her in court and her lawyer (according to mine) has encouraged her to do so.

The most obvious reason is of course that she cannot stay drug free and deliver negative drug tests (which is the min. criteria for the supervised visitations).

However, I am very curious to how pwBPD w/o drug problems react to supervised visitation. Is this a "show stopper" for them or do some follow through with it?

[Deb]

My dBPD sister was given supervised visitation after she kidnapped her youngest and tried to run over my BIL. She fought it tooth and nail, but did see that child. She managed to con the court into letting her new BF supervise for awhile until youngest child spilled the beans to GAL that supervisor was her mom's BF and they were almost living together. LOL! Funny how young kids can be so honest.  So your ex may cave and see your child or not. I can only say where a PD person is involved, expect anything.

[Panda39]

I wonder if it's some Black and White Thinking... .If she can't see your son on her terms then she doesn't want to see him at all? 

It also may simply be easier for her not to see him.  My SO's uBPDxw was much better at being Disneyland mom to her teen daughters on the weekends vs being the full-time parent where she was neglectful and emotionally abusive and very unstable.

Panda39

[bravhart1]

^^I think Panda is on to something. It is my opinion that BPDm isn't willing to do the "comply with authority" over her so it's better to not see her child at all.

I feel she may even be fearful that she won't be able to hold it together and not a) lose her temper or b) speak unfavorably about DH and get sent out of supervised and therefore failing at that too.

She seems to have some severe issues around impulse control and anger management. But more importantly to her, she would not be able to handle a adult telling her she "can't" do something IN FRONT of her child who sees her as omnipotent. She would lose her power in child's eyes. She's been brainwashing that child to believe that for seven years, she would rather not see her than lose that impression.

[sanemom]

^^I think Panda is on to something. It is my opinion that BPDm isn't willing to do the "comply with authority" over her so it's better to not see her child at all.

I feel she may even be fearful that she won't be able to hold it together and not a) lose her temper or b) speak unfavorably about DH and get sent out of supervised and therefore failing at that too.

She seems to have some severe issues around impulse control and anger management. But more importantly to her, she would not be able to handle a adult telling her she "can't" do something IN FRONT of her child who sees her as omnipotent. She would lose her power in child's eyes. She's been brainwashing that child to believe that for seven years, she would rather not see her than lose that impression.

I totally agree... .can't keep the manipulation going if she gets corrected in front of her child.

And I bet she cannot handle anyone else telling her what to do.