Magical night of lies and manipulation

[JerryRG]

I lost count of the number of texts the exgf sent me last night.

Harassing me and taunting me about either I'm never going to see my son again or if I don't take him this weekend I'm going to be put in jail for contempt of court. Not exercising my parental rights?

Oh and my son's mother has a lawyer, yet she cannot afford to buy diapers for our son. She's one whack a doodle.

I must have really touched a tender spot when I pushed for appropriate bounderies and expressed my desire to not be friends with her. Truth is I don't wish to ever talk to her again, she's like a negitive life sucking force that drains me every time I communicate with her.

Sorry I don't wanna play no more

[C.Stein]

Jerry,

You need the find the line where she is not pushing or pulling.  You keeping making matters worse by engaging in her games.  STOP!

I know it is hard to not react to the things she says and does but you need to step back from the madness and think hard before any response.

Walk the line brother and your life will be much quieter.

[catclaw]

Jerry, do you have anyone of trust to proofread your texts before sending?

I feel like this could help. Like, a close friend or anyone? Someone to set and end to this?

[JerryRG]

I agree yet I still cannot resist the erge to push back sometimes. I know I'm wrong when I do it.

I did call the police twice because she wouldn't stop. It all started with her asking why I lied about the abuse incident and I tried to explain myself which I'm told does not work so well with a pwBPD.

Can she be using this same BPD stuff on my son? Or am I the only target because of dumping her. I just want peace and walking away is about all I can do.

[JerryRG]

No I don't catclaw

Not at the moment, she insists I'm lying and can't understand I don't lie?

She continues to lie and that to me is childish and so disrespectful

[C.Stein]

I agree yet I still cannot resist the erge to push back sometimes. I know I'm wrong when I do it.

I did call the police twice because she wouldn't stop. It all started with her asking why I lied about the abuse incident and I tried to explain myself which I'm told does not work so well with a pwBPD.

Can she be using this same BPD stuff on my son? Or am I the only target because of dumping her. I just want peace and walking away is about all I can do.

I encourage you to read up on the communication tools you can utilize to make this easier on yourself.  Knowing how to communicate with her without triggering will be critical as you move forward here.  Stop JADEing, it does no good.

[JerryRG]

Last night she was trying to bait me into a fight and I told her she was harassing me. She threatened me and now she's asking if I'm still taking my son today.

This is what I don't know how to deal with

[JerryRG]

I agree C. Stein

She threw every threat at me she had and now does a complete 180 as if nothing she said or did was real

Yes I will learn the tools to communicate with her.

[Confused?]

I agree C. Stein

She threw every threat at me she had and now does a complete 180 as if nothing she said or did was real

Yes I will learn the tools to communicate with her.

Jerry, here's some advice. Bpd love drama. When things are going good they can't handle it. It sounds to me like instead of causing drama in her new relationship, she chooses to do so with you. There is probably also drama in her relationship and they may be when she turns nicer towards you. It's all triangulation, manipulating, head games. Just stick to biff with your ex. Stick to your son and that's it. If she says anything else that has nothing to do with your son then don't respond. You sound like you understand everything she is doing but for some reason you keep falling into the trap and letting it affect you.

[JerryRG]

She's asking me to take my son with me today. Why do I always forget what's best for him? Trying to get his mother to stop calling me a liar and getting me into trouble so she has leverage in the upcoming court date is never going to change.

She must have no respect for herself if she believes it's ok to punch people in the face and think they are to just accept it and smile back. What a strange way to live

[SoMadSoSad]

She's asking me to take my son with me today. Why do I always forget what's best for him? Trying to get his mother to stop calling me a liar and getting me into trouble so she has leverage in the upcoming court date is never going to change.



She must have no respect for herself if she believes it's ok to punch people in the face and think they are to just accept it and smile back. What a strange way to live

Did she reAlly

[JerryRG]

Yes I have the tools and knowledge to deal with her, she's clever and can still bait me. Strangest thing, she's dangerous and I know it and once I realized it I never wanted to be close enough for her to get me into trouble again.

If any of have seen Jurassic Park, when the Australian hunter is trying to keep the Valociraptors from attacking his friends, they surround him? His last words are "clever girl" just before they devour him. My exgf scares me .

[tryingsome]

My exgf scares me .

Why is the fact that your exgf scares you funny?

JerryRG, I have been reading your posts for a while; since you first started actually.

At times I am trying to understand your motives. Do you want to detach here?

A lot of these posts are filled with instigation or retaliation on your part (and your ex too).

When I read these threads I just see a sea-saw of control, by both you and your ex. This battle seems to be about control.

Perhaps try to digest the idea of triangulation here in studies. I see a lot of victimization and a lot of persecution.

This is at a cost, the main person here suffering is your son. Take a look at your role and read some lessons.

Make the journey toward detachment a healing and successful one. Move out of the triangle and you will find the drama just slowly disappears.

Let's move you toward a better place, because when I read your posts I don't see a happy trajectory for your ex, you, or your child.

[JerryRG]

I agree and I'm trying, the reason I laugh is to deflect myself from taking this whole mess so serously. I've spent the last 4 years in hell and now that I'm in recovery and learning to be grateful I do laugh often and sincerely.

As for my son, yes he's the one I need to focus on and I do, his mother is all over the map manipulating me with threats and accusations that are very tough to accept and understand.

As far as engaging her I have to for our son, I do well with her then she raises the bar, bating me last night to threaten her so she could bring it up in court. The rules keep changing and she's the one doing it, I want peace and for her to leave my personal life out of our conversations and she just refuses. It used to be once in a while but now non stop talk about her life.

I'm learning skills and I'm still frustrated with her, on good days I ignore her and let it go. She comes right out and calls me a liar and that hurts when she's the one in the lie.

I'm learning to let go, it isn't easy. She is a master manipulator and knows how to hurt me.

[tryingsome]

Hello JerryRG,

I know it is hard. And I know you are trying.

Try reading over:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0

It might give insight on how you are being drawn in. Look at your role and see how you are playing into the triangle.

Good luck to much healing.

[JerryRG]

Thanks tryingsome

I wasn't even aware I was in the triangle and playing all the roles, I need to do more to educate myself on what I'm doing. Playing the victim is not an attractive role and I dispise it.