Self love

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So I have been thinking about something and I wonder if it makes sense to anyone. if our BPD partner, during the seduction phase mirrors us, and we fall in love with them, are we falling in love with ourselves? And then when the hater comes we then loathe ourselves. Or at least they try to get us to loathe ourselves? I certainly fought back hard and always refused to get in to the high drama. But I still stayed thinking the "self love" would return  from the other. But the reality is I was looking to my partner to reflect that self love, when all I had to do is look to myself for that. I know this, I knew this. But the BPD is so seductive isn't she. A master at her craft. I guess if someone else gives us self love then we are off the hook, for a little while anyway.

[Lost Out]

So I have been thinking about something and I wonder if it makes sense to anyone. if our BPD partner, during the seduction phase mirrors us, and we fall in love with them, are we falling in love with ourselves? And then when the hater comes we then loathe ourselves. Or at least they try to get us to loathe ourselves? I certainly fought back hard and always refused to get in to the high drama. But I still stayed thinking the "self love" would return  from the other. But the reality is I was looking to my partner to reflect that self love, when all I had to do is look to myself for that. I know this, I knew this. But the BPD is so seductive isn't she. A master at her craft. I guess if someone else gives us self love then we are off the hook, for a little while anyway.

[once removed]

hey lost out 

"if our BPD partner, during the seduction phase mirrors us, and we fall in love with them, are we falling in love with ourselves? And then when the hater comes we then loathe ourselves. Or at least they try to get us to loathe ourselves?"

ive seen several members express it this way many times. i tend to agree, although i dont think its that simple. certainly, we werent literally in a relationship with ourselves. i also think loathing ourselves, in the context of being devalued, is a bit more conscious a choice than falling in love with someone mirroring us. in other words, i dont think being raged at made me loathe myself. was it self loathing to stay with a person expressing things about me i didnt agree with? perhaps.

like i was getting at, this relationship involved two people, two personality types, each with very different but sometimes overlapping needs. we do need our partner to show us love, but the title of your thread is self love. that is something we can only give ourselves.