Progress Report

[Leonis]

Well, here are some questions you can ask yourself:

1. What is she providing me that I want/need?

2. What am I providing her that she wants/needs?

3. Is this a healthy dynamic that will ultimately result in happiness? (I think you already know the answer)

4. Do I want this to continue?

5. What part of the dynamic can I change?

You are right. By this point, neither of us are providing what we need. It's really unhealthy, but we both seem to be okay with getting involved with each other physically. Do I want this to continue in the long-term? Probably not. I don't even plan on staying in the state for longer than 2018 tops.

The bridge has already been too burnt to repair by this point. I'm not even sure why we kept the physical connection. Maybe because it's familiar. Maybe deep down, we are both selfish and just want something out of the other person.

[sweet tooth]

What about them just really loving each other , despite all the problem?

They might, but sometimes love/attraction/infatuation, or whatever you want to call it, can be toxic to one or both individuals.

[sweet tooth]

Well, here are some questions you can ask yourself:

1. What is she providing me that I want/need?

2. What am I providing her that she wants/needs?

3. Is this a healthy dynamic that will ultimately result in happiness? (I think you already know the answer)

4. Do I want this to continue?

5. What part of the dynamic can I change?

You are right. By this point, neither of us are providing what we need. It's really unhealthy, but we both seem to be okay with getting involved with each other physically. Do I want this to continue in the long-term? Probably not. I don't even plan on staying in the state for longer than 2018 tops.

The bridge has already been too burnt to repair by this point. I'm not even sure why we kept the physical connection. Maybe because it's familiar. Maybe deep down, we are both selfish and just want something out of the other person.

If you don't want it to co time in the long term, then what's the point?

[Leonis]

If you don't want it to co time in the long term, then what's the point?

I don't know the answer to that anymore. Even when we both talk, it's still like we are in a relationship. For example, she talked about one of the post-breakup experience as me trying to make the relationship work, etc.

Honestly, the only way this could work by this point is eloping.

[Leonis]

Yup, speaking of they only think about you when they need something.

I wondered why she stopped by this weekend. Apparently, she had some argument with one of her roommates. I supposed she just wanted to come by to feel validated.

Basically, I just keep the talk casual and let her be on her way. I really should considering moving.

[Leonis]

Got a text from my ex this morning:

"I'm cutting off contact with you forever right now. Bye."

Goodness. Finally.

[sweet tooth]

Got a text from my ex this morning:

"I'm cutting off contact with you forever right now. Bye."

Goodness. Finally.

See bold. What a paradox. "Forever" and "right now" don't go together!

[SoMadSoSad]

Got a text from my ex this morning:

"I'm cutting off contact with you forever right now. Bye."

Goodness. Finally.

See bold. What a paradox. "Forever" and "right now" don't go together!

if you put a comma between forever and right now it makes more sense.

[sweet tooth]

Got a text from my ex this morning:

"I'm cutting off contact with you forever right now. Bye."

Goodness. Finally.

See bold. What a paradox. "Forever" and "right now" don't go together!

if you put a comma between forever and right now it makes more sense.

I'd bet you dollars to donuts that she'll be back.

[C.Stein]

I'd bet you dollars to donuts that she'll be back.

Some don't come back, some do.  Remember we are all unique individuals with unique circumstances. 

Once my ex turns her back on someone that is it.  It is far easier and more desirable for her to find a "clean slate" than to try and repair a failed relationship. 

I have truly become trash to her.

[SoMadSoSad]

I'd bet you dollars to donuts that she'll be back.

Some don't come back, some do.  Remember we are all unique individuals with unique circumstances. 

Once my ex turns her back on someone that is it.  It is far easier and more desirable for her to find a "clean slate" than to try and repair a failed relationship. 

I have truly become trash to her.

Yea my ex will never contact me again also. I envy all the people here who at least hear from their ex again. Mine ran off into the sunset with my replacement without even thinking twice.

[Meili]

Yea my ex will never contact me again also. I envy all the people here who at least hear from their ex again.

I can sort of see why you envy it, but I can tell you that at this point, as much as I long for the interaction with her, I'm terrified that my x will contact me again at some point. While it would provide a rush for a few minutes, the end result would be more pain. I'm finally starting to get a handle on the pain, I don't actually want it to return (no matter how much I fantasize about the renewed idealization phase).

[sweet tooth]

I'd bet you dollars to donuts that she'll be back.

Some don't come back, some do.  Remember we are all unique individuals with unique circumstances. 

Once my ex turns her back on someone that is it.  It is far easier and more desirable for her to find a "clean slate" than to try and repair a failed relationship. 

I have truly become trash to her.

For now.

[Leonis]

For now.

Yeah, that's the scary part. At one point, we were in NC for nearly 3 weeks. Then, something happened.

My interactions with her recently had been "let her say and do whatever she wants, I'm just gonna roll my eyes once she leaves". I mean, we went out for lunch, she made dinner (that was like 2 days ago) and whatnot. Last thing she told me before this text was something about she feels a little sick and might be coming down with something. To which, I simply replied that she should get some rest because it might be a seasonal change thing.

[Leonis]

Ten days later, nothing.

Eleven more days and she'd have made a new record.

[Leonis]

Just noticed that she unblocked me on FB as one of her roommates tagged her in a post.

[seenr]

Hi Leonis,

How do you feel about her now, do you still think you would like her back?

I ask as while I’m on day 57 of no contact (or rather limited contact – arrangements with Son) I can’t help but constantly read into my ex’s behaviour when I collect my Son. Last week she seemed to be down, very down. I know by how she dresses and her body language. But the last time I collected him, she was looking better but when I dropped him home I left him walk father than normal and she didn’t really come out of the house until I had departed. I try to have minimum fuss and ensure he goes from one happy parent to another.

But a huge part of me is craving for her to say ‘let’s give it another go and get professional help’. I am strong enough not to initiate contact though and am actively trying to detach. So your thread on this topic is timely and interesting :-)

[Leonis]

Hi Leonis,

How do you feel about her now, do you still think you would like her back?

Not likely unless she seeks professional help. Even then, I don't know if things are salvageable given how her family members are just as dysfunctional, if not more. It would require both of us to essentially "elope", but that could be another recipe for disaster. She would have been able to finally isolate me from every single support network that way.

One of my good friends went for the elopement approach 3 years ago, it didn't end up well for him and now he's moved across the country near DC area. He hasn't discussed much about his ex-wife. All he told me is that she put him through hell.

There are several things on my mind:

1. She may start posting "half true" stories like she claimed she would after the FB fiasco that led me to block her siblings. You know, smear campaign. In that case, I'm curious as to if she's going to edit the post setting to public.

2. There is a very good chance that she may be pregnant. I blame that on our poor choices. If this is true, then more roller coaster ride for years to come. However, I doubt it simply because she's been underweight as we dated and it only got worse the past two months after we broke up. She's at a staggering 88-90lbs at 5'4". When we dated, she actually ate more and worked out with me to bring herself to a healthier BMI and weight range, but still a bit shy to be eligible to give blood.

3. She's preparing another random two-week recycle because she's lonely or whatever. I noticed that she wasn't in any of the pictures of her roommates posted for going to their mutual friend's wedding this past weekend. I can only assume something happened there.

4. Which leads to her mentioning about moving about three weeks back. She may just want to use me for that because I've told her that I would help her move if she needs a hand. It's not like she actually have any significant friends that she spend time with anyways.

Interesting that you mentioned timing seenr, today was also the first time folks from my local church congregation visited me and offered me support (I've been keeping this down except with close friends, family, and here). It's like she's picked a great time to strike to bring down the momentum on detaching.