100% NC begins and I'm nervous

[FallBack!Monster]

I am nervous about my decision but I know it is for them best. I fell as though if I don't I will regret it tomorrow.

Short story... .I'm fairly new here and I was with her for 2.5 years. Things started to go South in Nov. 2015, but got even worse at the beginning of 2016.  Finally, she is in and out.  and that other problem which I'm not going to get into.

Since she has now completely distanced herself, I believe this is the right time for me to go NC, and the best time for her, so that she doesn't have to lie a lot and feel overwhelmed. 

I am no saint by all means. But who knows what she's up to these days.
I have changed my #, deleted all of my social media, I ride around in diff cars so that I can feel free sometimes.), I'm soon to change the 2 other things that keep me in place, but tonight my old email account(s) is going to be deleted.

This is all new to me. I don't know that I can do it and be comfortable right away but I have to.  Its for my own good.  I'm not being stalked or harassed in anyway, I don't want her having the power to contact me at her leisure (for favors), when she's making all these false statements and accusations about me.

We fought like any couple, but I loved her and was good to her.  i can't comprehend the sudden change in her.  and is that who she is and I never noticed. Or would she one day do a 360?

Maybe I am worried about nothing.

[ICantFixHer]

Hey man -- you are most definitely NOT worried about "nothing". You are here, you sought this place out, you are worried and with good reason. Step back and take it from an old-timer (ex BPD girlfriend, 10 years wasted): trust your gut. She's f*cking you over. Read, read and read more here and find your path to freedom. It's hard but staying with a BPD is a million times harder -- and it never ends. It's not you, bro. Stick around, please -- my heart is with you.

[NewTring]

Fallback

I've been no contact for 6 weeks or so now and I'm learning to stand on my own two feet again so she won't abuse me.  You're doing the right thing.  First things first and that's you.  Take back control of your life.  Liberate yourself from the drama queen.

I still miss her here and there.  And at first you may not be able to sleep at all.  It'll get better after two weeks of nc. 

Stay strong.  Show weakness and she will walk all over you.

[ICantFixHer]

Show weakness and she will walk all over you.

Show ANYTHING -- even just *contact* -- and you will find yourself trampled underfoot again.

Don't do it, it's not worth it. Just walk.

[heartandwhole]

Hi FallBack!Monster,

It sounds like you are serious about taking a break from communication with your ex. That is a brave step to take and I commend your commitment.

Remember that NC is about taking a time out from contact with the ex partner so that we can  process and recover from our experience and work toward a better understanding of who we are and where we want to go next in life and love.

So, what are you plans during this time of reprieve, FallBack, in terms of taking care of yourself and moving forward?

heartandwhole

[FallBack!Monster]

I feel she is detrimental to my well being  toxic! Where did that sweet lady go?, Is what I ask myself. My NC is by no means temporarely.

 That's it. I'm done. She has  a past I never knew about during out time together.  I have to do this. She's been pretending to be something she's not, all along. How did I miss that? You can't turn a hoe into a household appliance.

[heartandwhole]

Yep. I get it. You want her out of your life. It makes a lot of sense, considering what you have been through.

The title of your thread says, "I'm nervous." Tell us more about that. It's probably going to be very uncomfortable in the beginning, to stay the least. Once she is not around to distract you anymore, you will able to deal with with the feelings that come up (sadness, anger, loneliness, etc.). That's when you will truly be on the road to detachment.

One step at a time. We are here for you.

heartandwhole

[Tallie]

Hey there, NC can be a lifesaver. I'm 14 weeks in and I finally feel detached enough to breathe and ponder my part in all this. Only by choosing not to seek her answers to my many questions was I able to step back and survey the relationship for all of its good and bad.

Like you, there's things I discovered after the discard that I should have known about going in... .But then I wouldn't have gone in.

Well done on your decision, reach out to all of us here if you need to.

[FallBack!Monster]

I am nervous about disappointing myself.  I want to stick to it, and you're right she won't be around to distract me.  The feeling of sadness comes and go from one day to another.  Anger is slowly but surely disappearing. Loneliness was felt mostly when we first parted.  But I won't be alone. Fortunately, I've built strong r/s with good people through out the years, which she has tried but was unable to destroy.

I want to stick to my decision. I'm nervous that I won't and find a way to reach her, at least to say hello.    I know I shouldn't.  Thanks for the support

[heartandwhole]

Fortunately, I've built strong r/s with good people through out the years, which she has tried but was unable to destroy.

This is SO important, FallBack.    Lean on them during this challenging time, and keep posting. We're here and know what you are going through. You can get through this and thrive again.

heartandwhole

[FallBack!Monster]

Last night, I guess I was going through a weak moment. I sent her a text from an unrecognizable number. I believe she knew it was me. She text back, the love was real. Does that mean everything else was fake?

[ICantFixHer]

Dear Fallback!Monster,

None of it was real. Your ex is like every other BPD skunk out there, an actress of amazing ability with one purpose in mind: to find an easy going dupe to keep around under the guise of "love" in order to justify her behavior, whatever it is. All you were was a warm body who she hoped would be blind and stupid enough to stick around and take everything she threw at you so she could justify her immoral and deplorable actions. The skunk spray was directed at you, and you were the only human on the planet who gave a sh*t about her.

Listen, I "get" the rush of hearing the text ping, I get the rush of thinking, "man, what has she said now?".

You can get better rushes in other ways. Any contact from her means she still thinks she can control you. She did for so long, she believes she owns you. There is no love or respect on her part towards you because you stood there and took it. It's very simple and the solution is easy -- dump her on the side of the highway and forget about her decomposing remains. She used you. She deserves all the suffering in the universe because of it.

I wish you the best and am very happy to see you here in this community. You found the right place, my friend.

Dump her, cut her off like a tumor at the base of the spine, and use the lessons she forced upon you when you meet the next person.

All the best.

[once removed]

Last night, I guess I was going through a weak moment.

NC, especially when it is instigated suddenly and radically, is an anxiety invoking situation for all parties. its especially difficult to go from one person who has been your world, and in (i assume) pretty much constant contact with, to cutting them out, even if its what you feel you need to do.

this article may help clarify things going forward:    
"No Contact" the Right Way and the Wrong Way

[gotbushels]

(... .)
I don't want her having the power to contact me at her leisure (for favors), when she's making all these false statements and accusations about me.

It may help you to be clear about how the give and take may be playing out in your relationship FallBack!Monster. What that means is seeing what you are responsible for and what you are not. From there, if she tries to get you to do something, you will have greater knowledge if it's your responsibility of not.

"Breakdown the loss (the situation) to understand it in a clear and balanced way - your part, your partner's part; (... .)"

I hope you find rest from your confusion about her changing behaviour.

Maybe I am worried about nothing.

Better prepared than vulnerable. 

[FallBack!Monster]

Dear Fallback!Monster,

None of it was real. Your ex is like every other BPD skunk out there, an actress of amazing ability with one purpose in mind: to find an easy going dupe to keep around under the guise of "love" in order to justify her behavior, whatever it is. All you were was a warm body who she hoped would be blind and stupid enough to stick around and take everything she threw at you so she could justify her immoral and deplorable actions. The skunk spray was directed at you, and you were the only human on the planet who gave a sh*t about her.

Listen, I "get" the rush of hearing the text ping, I get the rush of thinking, "man, what has she said now?".

You can get better rushes in other ways. Any contact from her means she still thinks she can control you. She did for so long, she believes she owns you. There is no love or respect on her part towards you because you stood there and took it. It's very simple and the solution is easy -- dump her on the side of the highway and forget about her decomposing remains. She used you. She deserves all the suffering in the universe because of it.

I wish you the best and am very happy to see you here in this community. You found the right place, my friend.

Dump her, cut her off like a tumor at the base of the spine, and use the lessons she forced upon you when you meet the next person.

All the best.

I honestly appreciate your point of view. Not sure if I wld choose to tell someone who is already in pain that none of it was real. Maybe it wasn't the type of love that I was looking for or real love. It definitely felt like love of some kind. I also don't have that much hatred for her. I certainly do not agree with telling someone that two and a half years with someone they were just being used. She wasn't exactly self-sufficient when she was around me, however she did attempt to contribute many times. Also, once in awhile she wld pay for meals and or hand me cash. When I would ask why refused it, she would insist and say I'm sure I owe it to you for something. I believe that shows a certain degree of guilt. Maybe she does not know how to love like a normal human being, in her feelings may be all over the place, but I don't think it was all a joke on me. At the end of the day, I will end up with someone healthy. She's never going to end up with anyone but herself. I know you're hurt. We all are, but no need to spread more pain. Thanks for taking the time.