Back from holidays, fantastic insight gained

[Ahoy]

So apologies in advance if this turns into a wall of text but there is a bit to cover. I've just finished my 3 1/2 weeks holidays and I wanted to give a little update on what I learned during this time.

I posted here at the beginning of my leave and that I was being triggered by everything and generally having a rough time.

WELL in that time I lived like any normal single person would, I went on a few dates with a lovely woman, I went out drinking and met another very nice woman, I even had a great night meeting one of my sister's friends at a going away party. I got back home today to lovely emails from two of the people I met thanking me for a great time, one even mentioned that although she misses intimacy, meeting me made her realise the importance of waiting for the right person to come along (I've never been so complimented in all my life!) . I've honestly made two friends =)

NOW the point of this isn't to toot my own horn on the dating front. It's what I learned FROM dating. You see from all the hard work learning about myself (my good traits, my cons) after my separation from my BPDex, I gained a LOT of insight into who I was. I also gained a heck of a lot of emotional maturity.

I worked hard these last few months on FOO issues, dealing with a loss of identity, feelings of worthlessness, guilt and hopelessness. Through all of the hard work and pain, I came to find my identity again and realise I was overall a caring, loyal and nice person and even with my flaws, I was a good catch!

In socialising over the past few weeks, it has truly hammered home what I learned about myself, I could see the hard work paying off and the positive attention reinforced my beliefs. Needless to say my self-esteem has finally recovered! It's important to note that this is insight into myself that I NEVER would have had, had I not had to go through what I did.

Please don't think that I'm fixed. I made it clear to everyone I spoke to that I was not ready to actually date yet (and I still won't be for many months). I still carry the weight of my wife's betrayal on my shoulders every minute of every day, even on my drive back home I had to skip 20+ songs (her songs) because I'm not ready to listen to them yet.

The point of this post is, now at nearly 6 months separation, I can finally appreciate seeing the results of my hard work. I appreciate the posts from senior members, the articles, the workshops and suggested reading. I appreciate the support and wisdom of maintaining NC and most of all, I appreciate the daily struggle new members go through, all having separated from their own BPD partners.

I've said it many times on this forum, I believe most of us here are GOOD, HONEST PEOPLE. We are, for the most part, stuck in a very deep rut and need a bit of determination (and elbow grease) to pick ourselves up and heal.

Stay true to yourselves, follow the words of wisdom and lessons on this website and most importantly, don't be afraid to give yourself a break if you take backwards steps.

Believe in yourselves, and your ability to heal from this. Even in the lowest point of our lives, like a ray of sunshine poking through dense cloud, there are positives to be gained from this experience.

[gotbushels]

I worked hard these last few months on FOO issues, dealing with a loss of identity, feelings of worthlessness, guilt and hopelessness. Through all of the hard work and pain, I came to find my identity again and realise I was overall a caring, loyal and nice person and even with my flaws, I was a good catch!

In socialising over the past few weeks, it has truly hammered home what I learned about myself, I could see the hard work paying off and the positive attention reinforced my beliefs. Needless to say my self-esteem has finally recovered! It's important to note that this is insight into myself that I NEVER would have had, had I not had to go through what I did.

I appreciated reading this Ahoy. Very hopeful. Thank you for sharing.   

[heartandwhole]

Well done, Ahoy! 

It's always nice to read about successes. Thank you for sharing this very inspiring post. I'm so glad that you met some wonderful new friends. That means you are growing, and in my book, that is always a good thing.

Keep up the good work, and don't forget to keep sharing your wisdom with us. 

heartandwhole

[Tallie]

Thanks Ahoy, just what this newbie needed to read.