Took off the wedding ring and was surprised by my feelings

[adventurer]

I separated from my wife 3 weeks ago, filed for divorce and she was served with papers. I was still wearing the ring, not sure what to do. I knew it would come off before divorce was final, which is months away, but figured I would just 'know' when it was the right time.

So, I've been trying to build new social circles. I went to a dance lesson/social tonight. Was talking to one fellow, mentioned the separation and he said, take the ring off, women will be . more comfortable asking you to dance. I'm only interested in platonic friendships, but this was that sort of event, just friendly stuff.

Anyway, I had a blast but as I left, I put the ring back on and I had a huge wave of melancholy. I guess just another step of grieving that the marriage is over. I talked to a friend about how it felt putting the ring back on. He asked, 'why did you put it back on?'

Good question. It's off again. I guess it was a more powerful symbol than I imagined. But I lost hope in the marriage, I'm beyond trying to fix anything and have just completely given up. So the ring is off, and maybe it's what I need to do to admit all this to myself and keep working through the grief and sadness about the failure of the marriage. I used to look at the ring finger as a reminder of the relationship, now I can look at it and recognize the new life phase I have entered.

Just another step down the path.

[heartandwhole]

I used to look at the ring finger as a reminder of the relationship, now I can look at it and recognize the new life phase I have entered.

I think this is very poignant, adventurer. It's hard to look forward when there are so many reminders of where we've just been. I think this was a big (symbolic) step toward this new journey that you've embarked on. Well done.

Here's to fresh wind in your sails. 

heartandwhole

[atomic popsicles]

Oh, I feel what you are saying. I'm almost 4 weeks in, and mine is off too. I hate it. I want to put mine back on, but I won't. Some part of me hopes that he's still wearing his. It doesn't really matter though. For me, I'm really struggling with this being over, which is pretty funny given the whole restraining order thing! :-) I wish I was so sure of not trying, no going back. I need to get like that.

I can't believe you went to a dance lesson/social. I think that is so GREAT! Where did you find it? What was it like? Really well done.

[Ahoy]

I can totally relate. I used to tap mine against hard surfaces when I was deep in thought, sort of like a tick. when I took it off and caught myself tapping my finger, it instantly triggered me and I felt overwhelmed.

Like heart said, this marks a big step forward. Congratulations on taking the leap. At the same time I took mine off, I burnt any physical photo's and memorabilia, it was sort of like a respectful farewell to my marriage.

Many steps to go, but I like where your head is at =)

[kc sunshine]

I took off my ring yesterday. I let it slip into the ocean. It was easy to do in the moment, but I regretted it afterwards. In that way, it kind of represented the break up-- it just took a moment to do, but then I really wasn't sure it was what I wanted. I tried to find the ring in the water again, but of course I couldn't .

Then later in the afternoon, my BPD ex texted me and told me that she had started seeing someone else seriously. It was hard to not relate the two in my head though I guess it was good that I had (or at least some part of me) let go already.

[adventurer]

I can't believe you went to a dance lesson/social. I think that is so GREAT! Where did you find it? What was it like? Really well done.

I looked for local dance lesson places with Google and it popped up, a local studio hosts a one hour two step class at a country western bar once a month. I'm an ok dancer but very lost with this type of style. There were about 60 people there, ages mid 20s to mid 60s. A couple more ladies than gents. The instructor demonstrated each step for each gender individually, then everyone paired up and practiced, rotating partners every few minutes. After the hour was up, a dj played and people would just ask each other to dance and have fun.

I didn't step on anyone's toes! It was way outside my comfort zone but good for me. I realized it's been awhile since I tried something truly new and haven't been used to being bad at something for a long time. A good overall lesson to give myself permission to be stupid and fail occasionally.

[atomic popsicles]

That is SO AWESOME, Adventurer! That took a lot of courage! Great job.