Source of Validation, That's all I was to her.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Was doing some research on BPD, and fell up on a Thesis from a graduate student who linked BPD promiscuity, as a compensation for the lack of validation from the mother. My BPDexgf would often talk about how she was left to fend for herself with parents who were too busy with their respective careers. She spoke about how lonely she felt when she had to take public transport at the age of 7, because nobody was available to take her to her activities. She would always mention how her Father takes care of her now, and how he is always available to her no matter what. He understands her, and seems to be trying to make up for the time he wasn't available in her formative years. She rarely mentioned her mother, except on occasions where she tried to reach out to her in tough times, only to be told, ''are you sure you're not depressed?''

The thesis went on to mention how some BPD's will try to seek out the validation they missed out on as a child through multiple relationships with males. They seek out males or people in general, that through the way they look at them make them feel alive. I know this is the case with me. I looked deep into her eyes like I've never done with anybody else in my life. I was mesmerized by this  beautiful woman, who outwardly seemed confident, and extremely social, but deep down inside hated herself, and was in need of anybody who would validate her, because she wasn't able to do this for herself.

That's what I feel I was for her. Somebody who would light up every time I saw her . My eyes would light up. She told me on many occasions that's what she liked most about me. She was chasing this look from me, as she was from anybody else. It was her elixir, something she never received form her mother. Anyone who was willing to give this to her, she would be willing to sleep with. It wasn't the sex that she craved it was the look that made her feel wanted, necessary basically alive. It filled her love. Sex was needed to feel fusioned, a male was needed to feel the void deep inside her.

I wasn't anything special to her, just another object that could fulfill a need. She needed this constantly, and from different sources. Makes me understand her need to always have multiple validation sources at her disposal. Exes are always kept around for this exact purpose. When she felt her current partner was not willing, or able to give her this validation, she seeked it where ever it could be found.

[Rayban]

Was doing some research on BPD, and fell up on a Thesis from a graduate student who linked BPD promiscuity, as a compensation for the lack of validation from the mother. My BPDexgf would often talk about how she was left to fend for herself with parents who were too busy with their respective careers. She spoke about how lonely she felt when she had to take public transport at the age of 7, because nobody was available to take her to her activities. She would always mention how her Father takes care of her now, and how he is always available to her no matter what. He understands her, and seems to be trying to make up for the time he wasn't available in her formative years. She rarely mentioned her mother, except on occasions where she tried to reach out to her in tough times, only to be told, ''are you sure you're not depressed?''

The thesis went on to mention how some BPD's will try to seek out the validation they missed out on as a child through multiple relationships with males. They seek out males or people in general, that through the way they look at them make them feel alive. I know this is the case with me. I looked deep into her eyes like I've never done with anybody else in my life. I was mesmerized by this  beautiful woman, who outwardly seemed confident, and extremely social, but deep down inside hated herself, and was in need of anybody who would validate her, because she wasn't able to do this for herself.

That's what I feel I was for her. Somebody who would light up every time I saw her . My eyes would light up. She told me on many occasions that's what she liked most about me. She was chasing this look from me, as she was from anybody else. It was her elixir, something she never received form her mother. Anyone who was willing to give this to her, she would be willing to sleep with. It wasn't the sex that she craved it was the look that made her feel wanted, necessary basically alive. It filled her love. Sex was needed to feel fusioned, a male was needed to feel the void deep inside her.

I wasn't anything special to her, just another object that could fulfill a need. She needed this constantly, and from different sources. Makes me understand her need to always have multiple validation sources at her disposal. Exes are always kept around for this exact purpose. When she felt her current partner was not willing, or able to give her this validation, she seeked it where ever it could be found.

[ICantFixHer]

I hear you loud and clear, Rayban.

My ex pwBPD girlfriend's Dad died when she was 10; her Mom basically abandoned her at that point, giving her $20/week to live on and feed herself. Mom was preoccupied with her older mentally retarded brother. Tough situation.

While I never outright caught my ex cheating, there were signs of it throughout our entire 10 years together.

In my gut I always suspected that if any guy, anywhere, gave her any attention at all, even the slightest look, she would sleep with him, whereas I had to work my a** off to get her attention. At the time I blamed it on her low self-esteem but in hindsight realize her BPD causes her to respond in this way. Promiscuous sex with strangers. That's what I feel inside and in spite of her loud and violent protests, I choose to believe my instinct.

Recently my ex told me she had never once masturbated in the 10 years we were together. This is how scared she is of me finding out who she really is. Who doesn't masturbate? She's a slut, end of story.