Dilemma Facebook Again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Aw man, a trusted mutual friend of my ex posted that my former cat "wasn't doing well" and to "send positive thoughts."

My first thought is, "This is fake." I know the ex has the capacity to toy with me this way.

This is the cat she said earlier this week, on Facebook, she feared I'd stolen, like, I took a Monday off to drive 160 miles round trip, arriving at a time when the ex was working and all cats locked in the house, the keys to which I had returned the prior day. Friends asked me if I had the cat, she was missing and ex couldn't find her. Of course I had to tell them I didn't and they told the ex and the ex wins the NC battle for the moment. I predicted cat would return the next day and was proven correct. She had been in the house all along of course, hiding somewhere.

Ex has gotten a message thru to me again. Defying my NC. Damn. Well, so-called friend is now blocked (sad 'cause I loved her).

I left all our pets -- 4 cats, 6 chickens -- behind because she is high functioning and loves them; they are in good hands. I got lucky in that regard, the ex is remarkably consistent at making a good living doing what she does. She said she'd take them so I let her. I haven't had a cat here since March (we shared cats for a few months) and I am pretty frank about them getting sick and dying.

I'm going to take a wait and see approach. She did mention, when missing cat was found, that cat was ill, took her to vet, etc. No details of course but -- and dig the crazy, crazy hurt this ex is trying to throw at me -- she texted me a picture of the vet bill with the cat's name and the date, but no details below, to prove cat was sick. She could have just taken cat in and asked for a general exam, gotten the receipt, who knows.

I was thinking, "It's not the cat that's sick."

Ex is capable of many things but respecting me is not one of them. F*ck that.

Can you believe it? At this point I have to laugh because seriously, how f*cked up do you have to be to do that?

Every effort ex throws at me will be met with complete and utter silence. Even if I lose that little fuzzball. What if she killed her? Haha! All the drama she's forcing me to think about, if even for a moment. "Your cat is dying."

This only strengthens my will and resolve and my God given right to be respected. I'm owning this one, no question.

I was gonna ask if I should break NC and get advice but I know what needs to be done.

Gotta go watch a nice sunset and relax and think of other things, like how my life is a completely open meadow of possibilities. This is big change going on here, and for the best.

Love this board, thank you everyone for being here for me, it really, really means a lot. Viva life!

[ICantFixHer]

Aw man, a trusted mutual friend of my ex posted that my former cat "wasn't doing well" and to "send positive thoughts."

My first thought is, "This is fake." I know the ex has the capacity to toy with me this way.

This is the cat she said earlier this week, on Facebook, she feared I'd stolen, like, I took a Monday off to drive 160 miles round trip, arriving at a time when the ex was working and all cats locked in the house, the keys to which I had returned the prior day. Friends asked me if I had the cat, she was missing and ex couldn't find her. Of course I had to tell them I didn't and they told the ex and the ex wins the NC battle for the moment. I predicted cat would return the next day and was proven correct. She had been in the house all along of course, hiding somewhere.

Ex has gotten a message thru to me again. Defying my NC. Damn. Well, so-called friend is now blocked (sad 'cause I loved her).

I left all our pets -- 4 cats, 6 chickens -- behind because she is high functioning and loves them; they are in good hands. I got lucky in that regard, the ex is remarkably consistent at making a good living doing what she does. She said she'd take them so I let her. I haven't had a cat here since March (we shared cats for a few months) and I am pretty frank about them getting sick and dying.

I'm going to take a wait and see approach. She did mention, when missing cat was found, that cat was ill, took her to vet, etc. No details of course but -- and dig the crazy, crazy hurt this ex is trying to throw at me -- she texted me a picture of the vet bill with the cat's name and the date, but no details below, to prove cat was sick. She could have just taken cat in and asked for a general exam, gotten the receipt, who knows.

I was thinking, "It's not the cat that's sick."

Ex is capable of many things but respecting me is not one of them. F*ck that.

Can you believe it? At this point I have to laugh because seriously, how f*cked up do you have to be to do that?

Every effort ex throws at me will be met with complete and utter silence. Even if I lose that little fuzzball. What if she killed her? Haha! All the drama she's forcing me to think about, if even for a moment. "Your cat is dying."

This only strengthens my will and resolve and my God given right to be respected. I'm owning this one, no question.

I was gonna ask if I should break NC and get advice but I know what needs to be done.

Gotta go watch a nice sunset and relax and think of other things, like how my life is a completely open meadow of possibilities. This is big change going on here, and for the best.

Love this board, thank you everyone for being here for me, it really, really means a lot. Viva life!

[Sadly]

I have deactivated my account this morning.

1. Small amount of people I know and love and vice versa can contact and be contacted.
2. If my ex does meet someone else I really don't want to see or know about it or get triggered
3. It reminded me of the hours he spent on it as if I wasn't in the room/car/ space
4. Was quie frankly getting sick of all the mindless cr*p posted
5. A small part of me is pleased cos it will p*ss him off big time

Quite liberating to be honest  x

[ICantFixHer]

Hi Sadly,

I deactivated my FB page at exactly 9PM last night; around 6PM I posted this publicly, many friends saw it, some who wrote and said they've suspected my ex had mental health issues for awhile now.

The BPD fears shame, so why do they go out of their way to earn it?

"A trusted real life friend who I love posted about ex's cat being seriously ill. "Positive thoughts" etc.

I told everyone I didn't want to know things, see things, that I was in no contact mode.

I know my friend meant me no harm but harm has been done. Ex got a message thru to me. Via Facef*ck.

Rather than keep blocking people I'm going to take a little break from Facef*ck.

If you can't understand how I am being manipulated by ex in an extremely cruel way, then you can't understand why I want no contact.

Daddy's moving on.

Comment away, incidentally, I'll kill it all later tonight. Got a sunset to watch. Be kind."

I am sure this deactivation is like turning the volume up. I am trying to consider what's coming next and how to respond when it happens. I have a strong feeling she will contract my employer with tales of my lack of worth. I've been there 20 years and my supervisor has heard some of my stories about ex, so they know. She will want me to lose my job and my chance of buying a house. Nothing will come of it except more people outside the interaction will know of her mental issues.

She might show up here so tomorrow I'm paying a visit to the local law enforcement to talk with someone, get some advice, put it out there that I'm new here, and this is the situation with ex.

I am going prepare a restraining order to have on hand in case I need to file one against ex.

Meanwhile it's a lovely Friday and I am not going to let ex concern me today. Happy Friday everyone.

[Sadly]

Good for you Powell. I have been temped in the past to post something quite specific about ex and BPD, but can't for two reasons. One, we had an agreement when we first met never to do it and both have stuck to it. 2. His mother is very ill, loves me and I love her. I would hate anything like that to get back to her via family especially s I won't now be able to see her again or say goodbye. Well done for safeguarding yourself where possible and lots of luck with it all. Sorry mate, have to go now, am having the worst day of it all today, in bits, so non too eloquent. Take care you   x

[ICantFixHer]

Thank you Sadly, I am very sorry you are having a tough day, hang in there, you're strong.

I broke NC and called ex this morning, told ex I was concerned about the damage ex was doing to herself via Facebook, how friends are worried. I recorded ex  promising me ex would never contact my employer, show up here unannounced, or otherwise shame me in any way, so if something happens and it goes into the legal system I have something to go on. I know tomorrow or in 5 minutes ex can change her mind.

I also broke NC to calm ex down and hand ex a sense of control and security. If ex believes I am here for her via phone or email, even limited contact, ex will likely dial things back and I won't be quite so worried.

Ex asked about the house I am buying, I told ex it fell through and I was disappointed and not looking to buy anymore. This seemed to calm ex down a bit.

This game of strategy is really, really f*cking draining. I have gone to LC now simply to placate ex and to allow ex to feel a sense of control in an effort to stem the wave of damage ex is instigating.

I am lying to ex about everything and moving forward the same as I was yesterday, and will be tomorrow, too.

Note that I will never use the "quote" function again, Mods. Jesus, lighten up please. This is hard enough as it is.