Ran into ex today after 14 weeks NC

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Well, after a few near misses and my change of routine to avoid seeing exgf, today I ran into uBPDxgf at my local cafe. After 14 weeks of NC, and radio silence from me on social media, she brazenly walked up to my S11 and kissed him on the cheek and then asked sweetly about my arm being in a sling (I know she knows that I had shoulder reconstruction surgery 4.5 weeks ago because she asked a mutual friend what I had done).

Anyway, I can report that the gift of 14 weeks NC is that today I was detached, provided vague answers and calmly wandered off to my car with S11. I am happy with my conduct with her today-  civil but distant. I expected to be upset and while I had a fleeting moment of rumination about what could have been with her, I just looked at her and felt pity, not desire. My S11 is a classic- he just said as we walked away "that was awkward".

What strikes me is that she can ignore S11's birthday a few weeks ago but walks up to him and plants an unwanted kiss on his cheek as if nothing has happened. No recognition that she got up and walked out on us after 6 weeks of living together and 2 years LTR where we both said how happy we were. And she had an near instant replacement who she says makes her happy because she doesn't have to deal with anyone else's kids (i.e my S11 even though she has a S5 who I treated as my own).

Good luck to my replacement, I know after today that while I am sorry we didn't work out, she has absolutely no power over how I feel. I am free.

[Tallie]

Well, after a few near misses and my change of routine to avoid seeing exgf, today I ran into uBPDxgf at my local cafe. After 14 weeks of NC, and radio silence from me on social media, she brazenly walked up to my S11 and kissed him on the cheek and then asked sweetly about my arm being in a sling (I know she knows that I had shoulder reconstruction surgery 4.5 weeks ago because she asked a mutual friend what I had done).

Anyway, I can report that the gift of 14 weeks NC is that today I was detached, provided vague answers and calmly wandered off to my car with S11. I am happy with my conduct with her today-  civil but distant. I expected to be upset and while I had a fleeting moment of rumination about what could have been with her, I just looked at her and felt pity, not desire. My S11 is a classic- he just said as we walked away "that was awkward".

What strikes me is that she can ignore S11's birthday a few weeks ago but walks up to him and plants an unwanted kiss on his cheek as if nothing has happened. No recognition that she got up and walked out on us after 6 weeks of living together and 2 years LTR where we both said how happy we were. And she had an near instant replacement who she says makes her happy because she doesn't have to deal with anyone else's kids (i.e my S11 even though she has a S5 who I treated as my own).

Good luck to my replacement, I know after today that while I am sorry we didn't work out, she has absolutely no power over how I feel. I am free.

[heartandwhole]

I know after today that while I am sorry we didn't work out, she has absolutely no power over how I feel. I am free.

Right on, Tallie!    That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing the freedom that comes with detachment!

Any new plans for yourself and your son after having gotten to this stage?

heartandwhole

[Icanteven]

she can ignore S11's birthday a few weeks ago but walks up to him and plants an unwanted kiss on his cheek as if nothing has happened.

Isn't it bizarre?  Wife was suddenly all sorts of inquisitive last week about the kids after saying nothing for months.  Said she hoped we had a good Father's Day together. 

Me: "[Wifey] you didn't so much as text me on father's day.  What the heck?"
Wifey: "I'm sorry that was rude of me. So, about the kids... ."

There's lack of affect and there's LACK OF AFFECT.  It's truly unbelievable.

Good on you that's great to hear that you're healing and getting on with your life.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Tallie, You are free!  Correct, she has no power over how you feel, except to the extent you give her that power.  You handled that interaction well, in my view.  Your S11 put it nicely.  I predict that a day will come when you will feel grateful to have left an unhealthy r/s with a pwBPD, though I understand that it will take time.  Sounds like you are on your path . . .

LuckyJim