FINALLY he admits the relationship with his daughters causes me much pain

[zonnebloem]

 

For those who have read my story about "my" ex-BPD being  a month on holiday with his daughters (who don't want daddy to date me)

He's back... .good on him... .a hell of a lot of driving... .too much rain and too much sun... .and bruises from a fall off a horse... .and 2 "not so happy daugters"... .

Where I was mad about the fact that he said he was not willing "to change the good relationship he has with his daughters" ... .but a year before he said he was close to incest... .

and where I told him that our relationship is over so no... .I was not gonna spend this W-end with him "as if he'd never hurt me."
and where he put a box of the clothes I had left in his house at my doorstep... .
And I rang him to ask if he's forgotten that I have a key to is house? ( had forgotten indeed and the clothes he brought are also from his sister and his daughter)
First he says; "Well... .when you come I'll know it is not for your clothes"
Then he admits that he FINALLY realises how much pain he has caused the last months by not chosing for me but for his daughters... .
Guess he had to go through a "nightmareholiday" to realise.
He FINALLY admits that he must change the relationship with his daughters.

And he finally agrees that I can do a job cleaning toilets where before he'd detest "his woman" cleaning toilets and... .chatting with men... .

WEll... I am glad that he finaly admits but for both of us it feels all too late.
We both miss the things we did.

I told him to find his sexual pleasure elsewhere and it is strange to both admit that "things are over" and that we cannot give us the love we both are looking for.

But... .there ARE things that connect us... cf; while he was abroad with his brads,
I concidered going in his house and drop his clothes and book off and take my stuff... exchange... .I think about it: Shall I or shall I not?
Then I find a lost kidssock on the pavement. Sure... what has a lost kidssock to do with it... .well... .he dries sausages and said he wants them in a kidssausage to protect them from the flies... .I told him I'll find it, as I often find "just what I need"... .and so I did!
I was gonna put it in an envelop for "his" sausage. But last letter gor sent back.
So... .I rang him this morning and he wanted to know at what time I found the box and may be I slept elsewhere? He also told my that being abroad he as found some little souvenirs that I have been looking for... .I realy mentioned to him that I was looking for it; and he remembered... .intelligent"as a spider"
so sweet... ;but the fly in the spidersweb is confused... .He put a red rose on top of the box with my(old) clothes.
Reminds me on the film Manhattan, Woody Allen... .sweet or sad?

So... .I go to church now and PRAY.

[Lilyroze]

  zonnebloem,

Yes go to Church, pray, and give over to God. Keep on your path to finding exactly why you put up with this, and what you want in the future.

I am glad he admitted his hurting you, some never do that. The rose does sound like a sweet gesture. What you are your feelings now that you have some time to process this all, go to Church and just be in peace?

What are your plans going forward?

The key to everything you will ever need is in you. But having the key isn't enough, you have to use it. So take some time today Dear one, think, pray and see how you want to proceed.

Be brave, be confident and be decisive. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to those points on your path, it only matters that you value you.  There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path. There is no right or wrong in this only what is best for you.


Keep processing your thoughts, keep learning, and loving.

Sorry my computer isn't working right, at this moment. Just wanted to stop in give you a  , let you know I care and am here. Will write more later here and on other if I can.

Off to get ready for a sunrise run. Have not did this in ages. Then early morning photography, church and get ready for a lovely retreat this week.

The world is filled with natural beauty too often missed, ignored and forgotten. I hope you find some in your sweet tiny gem of a garden or the beach in the next few days.

Don't forget to put the rose in water. Either way the be happy for the rose and not the thorns. “Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

Enjoy your day, find some joy and breathe to get through this. You can do it. We create possibility when we ignore limitations.

Blessings,

LR

[zonnebloem]

 

Helo LR.

you remind me to put the rose in water. Good one!
I'v given "him" flowers... .(already a few months ago) and he forgot to put water in the vase.

I cannot go running, do much less sport than I used to do because of pain in the knees and back.

Fact is that I used my BPD's car to drive to a doctor nearby his house.
I must get reorganised now.

This doctor likes to laugh and it is funny to see him back, altough is hurts with the big needles he uses!

I take it day by day now. In August I have a volunteeringjob... .slowly I'll keep my mind off 'him". I know he drinks whiskey but also he goes to work.

I feel sorry for him.

Today I talked to a familymember. The son of a cousin from me.
It helps me out of a certain solitude. My family dumped me or may be I dumped them? Long long time ago.

Have a nice time on your retreat!

talk to you again!