who is doing the dumping

[earlgrey]

Reading around it seems to me that the pwBPD was often the one initiating the breakup, which is quite the opposite to my experience.

My STBexWuB/NPD seemed quite happy to sit out all our chaos.

But I have also read that if the non hangs on in trying to make best of the r/s the effort is often rewarded by being left.

So the poll is just to find out who is doing what.

Thanks for reading/participating.

[Lonely_Astro]

Each R/s is unique, just like the person suffering from the disorder.  Not all pwBPD react the same. What's a common trait is that they will flee when they sense a pending abandonment (whether real or imagined). To prove you love them, you are constantly tested. It's also a test you can never pass, no matter how much you love them. Nons will hold on because they are caught in a whirlwind of FOG.

I can't choose who initiated the breakup, it just happened.  She started devaluing me and I simply let the rollercoaster roll.  I knew she was BPD and I also knew when she started suffering dysregulation that there was absolutely nothing I could do. Every interaction with her turned me into the bad guy. So, I hung on the fringe hoping she would stabilize enough to talk to her. When I found out she had been on a couple of dates with a guy, I was out. I had had enough of the abuse and I officially ended it.

Fast forward about 9 months.  She's living with a guy (our co worker). They have a dog together and I (used to) see them at 'my' coffeehouse hand and hand, laughing, cuddling, and so on.  She came to me and wanted to start a R/s with me again (whether sexual, emotional, or both was unclear). My point of telling that is that it affected me and also showed me that the end of 'us' was brought on by something fully out of my control.

[gotbushels]

Hi earlgrey 

There are some results from a similar poll here that would probably be very interesting to you.   
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=39279.msg362550#msg362550

But I have also read that if the non hangs on in trying to make best of the r/s the effort is often rewarded by being left.

I do agree with this for some types of these relationships. I wouldn't say the non is rewarded though. I think it's a product of the general dysfunction in the couple.

Not all pwBPD react the same. What's a common trait is that they will flee when they sense a pending abandonment (whether real or imagined). To prove you love them, you are constantly tested. It's also a test you can never pass, no matter how much you love them.

This really speaks to me.