adventurer
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 224
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« on: August 07, 2016, 11:38:46 AM » |
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I moved out a couple months ago, left a note and have kept where I am living a secret from all but a couple close friends. My wife knows I am still in town and receiving mail at a post office box. This is just a precaution I have taken to protect myself, because I truly don't know what she is capable of, though she has never been violent or physically abusive to me or anyone I know about in the past.
Since the split, there have been some other typical behaviors from her - a smear campaign through social media, problematic phone calls to my boss and HR department, etc. I've gone extremely low contact and avoided all social media.
She has supposedly spun a lot of crazy stories about me going missing to people, so their motivation may be innocent - but I became aware a few weeks ago that my public whereabouts are being reported to her - whenever I am spotted. That seemed perhaps slightly troubling to me, but I am assume some day I will be seeing her publicly and I feel psychologically prepared and stable enough to be able to just walk away in such a situation.
But now things are starting to feel disturbing to me. I was out of town two weeks ago and met a friend in public, where I also ran into a couple mutual friends of my wife and mine. The next day, my friend said he was contacted by her and she was demanding to know what we discussed and what I told him about my reasons for leaving the marriage.
And now I have just found out, a friend gave me a ride home from a bar the other night, I actually had him drop me off at a nearby intersection. Soon after he received an email from my wife saying she knew he had given me a ride and deposited me at an intersection, and she put forward her guess for what intersection it was. She said she needed to know where I lived "for her own safety".
The "for her own safety" thing is the especially bothering thing, because I wonder if it is some sort of strange projection she is making and that it is actually MY safety which is in danger in this scenario.
So this is all very long, but I just wanted to get as full a description out here. I realize that I am getting partially sucked into this drama - which is what low contact and hiding my location is actually meant to avoid. Part of me is tempted to go back online and ask people to please stop stalking me, that their behavior is scary and inappropriate, but I think that will just show my wife that her techniques of harassment are getting to me and reinforce her bad behaviors.
Honestly I have been trying to practice radical acceptance about all of this from the beginning. Worst case scenario she finds out where I live, worst case from that is she shows up unannounced and causes a ruckus, tries to break in and damage property, or attempts to make a physical attack against me. In any of these scenarios, I am prepared to either barricade myself and call police or, if in public, walk or run away as necessary. So this is not something I am working myself up about every single day, although I do sometimes have nightmares about it. I am just especially troubled about the behavior of all these other people and how they are contributing to this, but I realize I cannot control them either.
Some specific points I am interested in are:
1. How concerned should I be for my safety?
2. Should I move to another city where she doesn't know anybody who can report on me?
3. Is there any reason to break my silence with friends on the topic of her treatment of me or their enabling behaviors that are making me concerned for my safety? If so, how to do this?
4. Is there any point in discussing this my and/or her attorney or my local police department? At this point, without actual evidence of harmful intentions, I feel like it would just come off as me being paranoid or actually me attempting to smear her.
Anyone's thoughts about this situation or any aspect of what I've written are welcome. From your own experiences, advice, questions I should be asking myself to grow emotionally and move forward with my life, etc.
Thank you.
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