Hi Pacific
It was bad and I needed to be the one to end the drawn out ending. I want to acknowledge how difficult it was for both of us. It seems like a living hell to have BPD.
Well done on taking a stand about where you want the relationship to go Pacific. I hear you that it was difficult. Sometimes the non is the one that will end the patterns. It does seem like a living hell to have BPD. It may also be a living hell to be the partner of one.
Unfortunately no matter how hard it was to be in the relationship, how hard it was to truly end the relationship, it's even hard to move on and be in a healthy relationship.
Sometimes, it will be hard to move on. When we take things we wouldn't want to take with us to a new relationship, living this can be difficult.
I have been having flashbacks, nightmares and I'm triggered by benign everyday events. My current partner is calm, kind and patient, I've spoken to him about my past relationship and he's trying to help me relearn how to tame my fears. My partner would never respond like my ex did but still my head is stuck in the old track of thought.
Well done on identifying this is an area that you want to work on. You seem to have a partner that is willing to give his time to help you relearn your non-BPD habits.
So now in this relationship I'm finding myself trying to act perfect so that I don't trigger my partner (who again is not at all BPD) into acting BPD. My subconscious is convinced that I caused my ex's behavior, and before me he was completely normal and thus I am able to cause my partner to somehow become BPD because I do the dishes "wrong".
It seems as though you have some sort of hyperviligance as a leftover from your previous relationship. I felt this way too. Anticipating and expecting it seemed to make it easier for me.
I would strongly suggest that you consider that you question the above-highlighted portion in a healthy way. Well done listening to your subconscious though.
I have to constantly remind myself that I'm allowed to relax, I'm allowed to be flawed, I'm allowed to have my own opinions. (... .) I'm wondering if anyone else has similar experiences and has any suggestions on learning to get past the BPD ptsd
I know a little of what this feels like. I was checking myself noticeably on dates after the relationship with the pwBPD. Even when I was single, it was very disconcerting to me because I felt like some of my life's beliefs had been bludgeoned into a raw state. That rawness had me feeling somewhat child-like as I wanted to learn to operate with beliefs--some new, some the old bludgeoned ones--that I was happy with.
If you have the time, I'd suggest you look at working with an experienced T or P. A T or P can help with this process by helping you get something you deserve--they can provide you with understanding and your
own validation. A trained person can help you perform your reminders in a systematic way and coach you out of this leftover behaviour. I suggest that you make it clear to your prospective T or P what you intend as your goals for the sessions--you aren't going in with a dx. I approached my P with concerns similar to yours and I found it very helpful.
Try not to be so tough on yourself. I do believe you're on the right track. Many nons that look deeper seem to gain more.
Of course, you can also share your thoughts here. You can find support from people who have gone through similar things. I look forward to seeing how this develops for you. I hope you find peace Pacific.
