Had to detatch from all of them alas

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Haven't written here since May. The summer has been tough. Still struggling financially after BPD-ex left the country and our little family from one day to another.

I loved her family so I stayed in contact with them on Facebook for a long time until recently.

I also started communicating with her. Wanting her to take responsibility for our financial situation. She expressed remorse and through her sister the equivalent of 1000 USD was sent. That is only a small part of the financial mess she created and left behind. If it had been only me I would have been to proud to stay in touch and ask for more, but now a) there are children involved who are also struggling because of her and b) It was discovered I had a tumor and need chemo so I can't work much right now.

What happened is that in our conversations she would be oh so sorry and wanted to take responsibility and offered to send this and that amount per month until I am through chemo. Then all of a sudden she blocked me on Facebook only to return again a few weeks later blaming her emotional instability saying that her psychiatrist forbid her to be in contact with me. But anyway. New promises. No money sent. She now said her family has taken control over her finances and that it is THEY who refuse her (a woman in her 50's) to send us more money. That they have HER best interest in mind and don't want HER to be used.

I expressed my feelings and told her about the difficulties I face in everyday life right now and how the children are affected and then BOOM she blocked me again.

This time I decided it was enough. I blocked her whole family. I feel they are enablers. I understand that they are loyal with their daughter and sister, BUT I am pretty sure that if one of her sister's husbands just walked out of the family they would all call for him taking responsibility. Not in this case. So no matter how much i love them I have to face the reality: they are enablers and have always been. No one really cares about the mess she left behind. Her sister used to write "I am so sorry" when I wrote to her about the consequenses of her sister's sudden departure, all the things she has broken around the house, all the money she took with her etc. But sorry isn't good enough. If she wasn't an enabler she would have told her sister that for the children's sake at least she should reimburse me more than the 1000 USD. She doesn't. That tells me something.

It was also very telling how BPD-ex just cuts me off everytime the conversation doesn't go her way. And that she blames others for doing so. I told her there's no friendship between exes in that. That I can't trust her even as a "friend" if she does that.

I am better off NC with all of them. It saddens me but it is true. Thoughts?

[Fogclearing]

Haven't written here since May. The summer has been tough. Still struggling financially after BPD-ex left the country and our little family from one day to another.

I loved her family so I stayed in contact with them on Facebook for a long time until recently.

I also started communicating with her. Wanting her to take responsibility for our financial situation. She expressed remorse and through her sister the equivalent of 1000 USD was sent. That is only a small part of the financial mess she created and left behind. If it had been only me I would have been to proud to stay in touch and ask for more, but now a) there are children involved who are also struggling because of her and b) It was discovered I had a tumor and need chemo so I can't work much right now.

What happened is that in our conversations she would be oh so sorry and wanted to take responsibility and offered to send this and that amount per month until I am through chemo. Then all of a sudden she blocked me on Facebook only to return again a few weeks later blaming her emotional instability saying that her psychiatrist forbid her to be in contact with me. But anyway. New promises. No money sent. She now said her family has taken control over her finances and that it is THEY who refuse her (a woman in her 50's) to send us more money. That they have HER best interest in mind and don't want HER to be used.

I expressed my feelings and told her about the difficulties I face in everyday life right now and how the children are affected and then BOOM she blocked me again.

This time I decided it was enough. I blocked her whole family. I feel they are enablers. I understand that they are loyal with their daughter and sister, BUT I am pretty sure that if one of her sister's husbands just walked out of the family they would all call for him taking responsibility. Not in this case. So no matter how much i love them I have to face the reality: they are enablers and have always been. No one really cares about the mess she left behind. Her sister used to write "I am so sorry" when I wrote to her about the consequenses of her sister's sudden departure, all the things she has broken around the house, all the money she took with her etc. But sorry isn't good enough. If she wasn't an enabler she would have told her sister that for the children's sake at least she should reimburse me more than the 1000 USD. She doesn't. That tells me something.

It was also very telling how BPD-ex just cuts me off everytime the conversation doesn't go her way. And that she blames others for doing so. I told her there's no friendship between exes in that. That I can't trust her even as a "friend" if she does that.

I am better off NC with all of them. It saddens me but it is true. Thoughts?

[shatra]

It's very inconsistent---she blocked you, then unblocked you... .my ex hasn't blocked me yet, but last week when his friend wanted to meet up with me for tennis, my ex told him not to meet me, and told him to block me... .it's crazy how they want to control, and why would it make a difference to your ex if you block or don't block their family? I don't get it

[Fogclearing]

It's very inconsistent---she blocked you, then unblocked you... .my ex hasn't blocked me yet, but last week when his friend wanted to meet up with me for tennis, my ex told him not to meet me, and told him to block me... .it's crazy how they want to control, and why would it make a difference to your ex if you block or don't block their family? I don't get it

I blocked her family since she uses them as flying monkeys and since I realized they are enablers. She uses them to pump them of information about me. She also uses them to have them send me messages that makes me feel bad about not being in contact with her. Among other things. No good.

[Fogclearing]

Just to make things more clear:

I tried some LC through Facebook messages over the summer.
I just made me upset because she would discard me through blocking whenever she felt like it and then come back.
So I decided NC again and this time for good.
I also decided it was best to go NC with her whole family.

[khibomsis]

Fogclearing, I am so very sorry to hear about the cancer and the chemo, all coming on top of the crises you ex left you in. I am praying for you that you be given the strength you need to do what has to be done. Good luck with the NC, it can be hard but right now anything that reduces your stress levels is for the best. You are going to get through this.  , khib