A Feeling of Hope

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Just moments ago I was swept up in a feeling of hope and peace of mind that I haven't experienced in over a year. It was/is really amazing. Just all of the sudden there was this feeling of kind of lightness, of "everything is actually okay." It came out of nowhere, but it felt soo good. Just gratitude for that, you know.

But I have to tell you, I have been putting in work the last few months. I finally got back into therapy. It has really set the ball in motion. If you haven't yet, I would encourage you to get a therapist. Because they act as a partner on your healing journey, someone who you can come to grieve, and who can give you guidance and point things out to you.

Today I was doing some training on Domestic Violence at work, and it was incredibly triggering. The experience was a bit different than normal though. Normally when I enter an emotional flashback I just writhe in agony, and tend to get swept up in the story of what happened. But today what I did was I said to myself, "Wow, you are having a really intense response right now."  I took a step back and I observed myself. I thought to myself - " i am healing, I feel my brain rewiring itself."

You see, this has been my latest endeavor, to feel my feelings fully. After listening to Pema Chokra talk about how we as humans have this incredible difficulty staying with our feelings, and that staying with them is really the only way that we can resolve them or gain any sense of peace in the face of them, I have adopted a posture of courage towards my feelings of pain that I haven't held in quite some time. What I do now is that when the pain arises I notice it, and I inquire into it with curiosity. Almost as if to ask, "What is it your trying to tell me pain." The inner child, that is what I have been referring to it as. But the trick though is not to ignore this inner child but to tend to it. Treat it with unflinching loving kindness and compassion and protection.

This I must tell you has been giving me hope. Hope like an oasis. Because as I'm sure you all know, this pain is hell. And its a hell that feels like eternity. That however, is the nature of trauma. It shuts down our perception of time.

Research TRAUMA! I advocate this. I did not look into trauma until 9 months of so post BU. It explains so much. Complex PTSD in particular. I just got this book called complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving. It has been a GOD SEND! It gives tips for dealing with flashbacks, and a rough road map of recovery. I Highly recommend it.

I wish you all peace and healing. I know how difficult it is believe you me. Just don't give up hope and keep loving yourself and taking care of number 1. I.E. YOU.

[Darsha500]

Just moments ago I was swept up in a feeling of hope and peace of mind that I haven't experienced in over a year. It was/is really amazing. Just all of the sudden there was this feeling of kind of lightness, of "everything is actually okay." It came out of nowhere, but it felt soo good. Just gratitude for that, you know.

But I have to tell you, I have been putting in work the last few months. I finally got back into therapy. It has really set the ball in motion. If you haven't yet, I would encourage you to get a therapist. Because they act as a partner on your healing journey, someone who you can come to grieve, and who can give you guidance and point things out to you.

Today I was doing some training on Domestic Violence at work, and it was incredibly triggering. The experience was a bit different than normal though. Normally when I enter an emotional flashback I just writhe in agony, and tend to get swept up in the story of what happened. But today what I did was I said to myself, "Wow, you are having a really intense response right now."  I took a step back and I observed myself. I thought to myself - " i am healing, I feel my brain rewiring itself."

You see, this has been my latest endeavor, to feel my feelings fully. After listening to Pema Chokra talk about how we as humans have this incredible difficulty staying with our feelings, and that staying with them is really the only way that we can resolve them or gain any sense of peace in the face of them, I have adopted a posture of courage towards my feelings of pain that I haven't held in quite some time. What I do now is that when the pain arises I notice it, and I inquire into it with curiosity. Almost as if to ask, "What is it your trying to tell me pain." The inner child, that is what I have been referring to it as. But the trick though is not to ignore this inner child but to tend to it. Treat it with unflinching loving kindness and compassion and protection.

This I must tell you has been giving me hope. Hope like an oasis. Because as I'm sure you all know, this pain is hell. And its a hell that feels like eternity. That however, is the nature of trauma. It shuts down our perception of time.

Research TRAUMA! I advocate this. I did not look into trauma until 9 months of so post BU. It explains so much. Complex PTSD in particular. I just got this book called complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving. It has been a GOD SEND! It gives tips for dealing with flashbacks, and a rough road map of recovery. I Highly recommend it.

I wish you all peace and healing. I know how difficult it is believe you me. Just don't give up hope and keep loving yourself and taking care of number 1. I.E. YOU.

[bus boy]

Great message of hope and strength. I have learned and grown so much lately. I can relate to your post very well but yesterday was a struggle day for me after a very abusive experience with my ex and her BF. I've been using all the tools I have. In the past I would of been a total wreck, I'm processing much better but what she did still hurt. I haven't tended to my inner child for a while maybe that's what's wrong? Thank you for posting and reminding me about my inner child.