Undiagnosed BPD on-and-off Ex Girlfriend In New Relationship

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi all -

I've posted on here before, but it's been a LONG while.

To keep it short, I on-and-off have been dating a woman who my therapist HIGHLY suspects has either strong characteristics of BPD or actually has BPD.

She has been the one that ended the relationship every time, saying that I "brought out the worst in her" and that we "weren't right for each other."  In the beginning, we dated for a little over a year, moving in together.  She moved out after 4 months but continued to pay rent through the lease.  We got back together three months later, and dated for four months.  Finally, a few months later, in early August, we got back together for a final time.  We dated for two weeks.

Generally, I was the one who initiated the contact and reconciliation.

In this most recent iteration, she constantly accused me of being a liar, a snake, and untrustworthy.  She countered this by saying she loved me and wanted things to work.  We went to one couples therapy session, but she cancelled the final one, humiliating me the night of an event I ran.

Now, just a few weeks later, she told me she's started seeing someone (I asked) and that she's sleeping with him.

I'm in total shock.  Not devistated, exactly, because it doesn't really change much about my present situation.  But I just don't really know how to handle this.  All it really does is affect my perception about the past.  Certainly not the present.

Any advice here?  Similar stories?  Regardless of whether she's BPD or not (though I really do suspect she is - she has a troubled past) she constantly acted like I was the only person she was ever so tumultuous with.  I feel like I am flawed and she's moved on to much better things.

[Malfii]

Hi all -

I've posted on here before, but it's been a LONG while.

To keep it short, I on-and-off have been dating a woman who my therapist HIGHLY suspects has either strong characteristics of BPD or actually has BPD.

She has been the one that ended the relationship every time, saying that I "brought out the worst in her" and that we "weren't right for each other."  In the beginning, we dated for a little over a year, moving in together.  She moved out after 4 months but continued to pay rent through the lease.  We got back together three months later, and dated for four months.  Finally, a few months later, in early August, we got back together for a final time.  We dated for two weeks.

Generally, I was the one who initiated the contact and reconciliation.

In this most recent iteration, she constantly accused me of being a liar, a snake, and untrustworthy.  She countered this by saying she loved me and wanted things to work.  We went to one couples therapy session, but she cancelled the final one, humiliating me the night of an event I ran.

Now, just a few weeks later, she told me she's started seeing someone (I asked) and that she's sleeping with him.

I'm in total shock.  Not devistated, exactly, because it doesn't really change much about my present situation.  But I just don't really know how to handle this.  All it really does is affect my perception about the past.  Certainly not the present.

Any advice here?  Similar stories?  Regardless of whether she's BPD or not (though I really do suspect she is - she has a troubled past) she constantly acted like I was the only person she was ever so tumultuous with.  I feel like I am flawed and she's moved on to much better things.

[valet]

Hey Malfii, your ex will continue to exhibit the same relationship patterns until she seeks a long-term solution for her behaviors in emotionally intimate settings.

So don't be so hard on yourself if you can help it.

[Malfii]

Hey Malfii, your ex will continue to exhibit the same relationship patterns until she seeks a long-term solution for her behaviors in emotionally intimate settings.

So don't be so hard on yourself if you can help it.

What's interesting is she never really sad awful things about her Ex.  I guess she did, actually, in the sense that he "immediately started a new relationship after [they] broke up" and, when we were at a wedding, he was "trying to stop me from talking to [her] friends by talking to them instead of [me]."  But It never was obviously vilifying him.

She did tell me over and over that he had a serious coke problem and looked sickly.