grieving

[rauxee]

i have just ended a 7 yr relationship with a man suffering from BPD and i'm devastated. He's in a pretty bad place, so am i.  its hard not to think of him.  Im 41 and my life is in shambles. I feel like someone died and im grieving so hard.  I really did love him. Does this pain really go away? i truly am heart broken and devastated.  i know i need to get help

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi rauxee-

And welcome to

I'm sorry you're in the middle of that, the end of a relationship is very emotional, painful and confusing.

Does this pain really go away? i truly am heart broken and devastated.  

Short answer, yes, it goes away, in fact it gets much, much better.  But first there's grieving, processing and growing to do.  :)oes your ex exhibit significant traits of the disorder or is he diagnosed with BPD?  If you can, please tell us more of your story, we've all been in relationships with borderlines, and we understand.

[anonymous1234]

Well, it's gonna take some time. I'm 4 months in now and I'm starting to feel better, but that was after a r/s of 1.5 years. I know what you mean even after those 1.5 years, my social life is pretty messed up too. There is no denying this will be a hard time for you.

What helped me a lot is understanding what has happened to me because of the BPD. This also possibly prevents you from recycling, although I haven't heard a blip since, but she is totally happy with my replacement (which happens to be one of my former best friends). Best thing is just to stay away from him and everything associated, even if it costs you the r/s with some of your "friends".

If it's all too much to handle, seek help. I'm seeing a therapist on and off and because of the lack of progress she has given me an anti depressant (citolapram). I can confirm this diminishes the obsessive thinking and the worst downs, although not all of it. This was a big step for me, I've had some nasty experience with another one years and years ago, but this one is mild and helps me.

[petedrexler]

rauxee:

Thanks for sharing what you're going through. I'm two months into my break up and it is been rough--good news is I'm feeling better than I did. It's a day at a time (sometimes a minute at a time) thing. The most difficult thing for me, and the most helpful, has been NC. I broke the NC once about two weeks in and she destroyed me. It was BRUTAL.

This forum has helped me so much. I hope it helps you too. Hang in there. It gets better.

Pete

[rauxee]

Thank you all for the kind words and support. I feel so scattered and emotional right now. I will share my story in more detail in the near future. Thank you all again for understanding what I'm experiencing.

[kc sunshine]

Hi,

Just wanted to join the others in welcoming you here. It does get better, and this site is invaluable in helping to make sense of the disorder and the effects it has on our lives, and what makes these relationships so devastating (both leaving them, and living within them). So glad you are here.

[gotbushels]

Hi rauxee 

Yes, the pwBPD in our lives are often struggling with their own journey. I'd like to support you with the others rauxee. My separation was quite difficult at times too.

I understand what a pretty bad place feels like. Many of us here know that it's difficult to deal with our own mind when it drifts to thinking about the pwBPD we were involved with.

The pain will go away and it does get very much better than how you might be feeling at this time. 

I look forward to hearing more about your recovery and healing.   

[steelwork]

Hi Rauxee,

Seconding this:

Short answer, yes, it goes away, in fact it gets much, much better.  But first there's grieving, processing and growing to do.  

Grieving is a sign that you are on the mend, even if it doesn't feel like that. It sounds cliche, but it's true: the only way past it is through it. If you are like most people, there will be a lot of ups and downs and even times when you feel you've slipped backwards, but your courage will be rewarded.

Please feel free to share more with us when you're ready.