WOW, now her BF is texting s10 to go to event

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Xw's BF is joining in on texting s10 to go to this event. Xw is texting me saying I'm trying to hurt her but I'm hurting s10. Her BF went as far as texting pics to s10 of the event.

[bus boy]

Xw's BF is joining in on texting s10 to go to this event. Xw is texting me saying I'm trying to hurt her but I'm hurting s10. Her BF went as far as texting pics to s10 of the event.

[Ishenuts]

This is common with my uNPDexh also. He was warned in a 9/2013 court appearance. Take screen shots of the texts from the BF, too. Along with the screen shots of your ex's text. This is harassment. Bring them to court. Putting your s10 in the middle is not cool. Poor kid!

I wish I had written evidence of what my ex does. The only way I know he's doing it is because our son will comment on upcoming activities that I have only discussed with his father. My ex will say, "I have every right to tell them (2 children) the truth!" Don't think a judge will see it that way! I haven't taken him to court because I am wAiting for him to screw up a few more times. He's in contempt in a few other areas. I'd rather go to court with a few contempt motions, rather than just one. My lawyer will ask for sanctions next time.

They (pwPDs) are so tiring! Our poor children! Good luck.

[HopefulDad]

Text her: "Enough.  One more word to our son or me about family day and I'm filing a contempt charge on Monday."

Text him: "Congrats.  You just might have sentenced my ex to picking up trash on the side of the highway.  Way to help her be found in contempt of court.  I suggest staying out of our business, chief. "

[bus boy]

Hi HopefulDad. Your advice is good but NPD/BPDxw has been warned by the courts, the court order is clear on discussing events on the other parents time. Xw does what she wants, texting her or her BF would be a total waste of time. BF doesn't know any better, he's under her spell, he thinks he's helping, he's helping me, family court is coming up in November, I've followed the order to a tee, I have all Xw texts printed, I have copies of her BF's texts to s10. I fully intend to stay on the high road and I fully intend on giving them all the rope they want. My L was fried from this case, I met with her, she's back on line, she put her self in my shoes and had an eye opener. She said my texts were gold. I have a very access friendly judge who has been through the hurtful side of access and knows first hand the pain involved. I'm optimistic my L is very optimistic. So I will say nothing and saw wood and let BF help Xw.

[david]

Just make sure you have all the documentation in a logical order.
I was seeking more time during the school year. Ex dragged it out for close top three years but did nothing to change her behavior. I copied every homework our youngest did for those three years. I then had one sheet of paper spelling out what the pile underneath was. Our son did over 95 % (I believe, if not it was very close to that) of all his homework during that time when he was with me. My ex actually hired a tutor the second year but it didn't change things much. My attorney handed a pile to the judge and a pile to ex's attorney. The judge looked at the top sheet and asked about it. Ex had a choice, argue that the top sheet was incorrect which meant we had to go over everything and piss the judge off or agree to the top sheet. She agreed and the top sheet was introduced as evidence. Things went smoothly after that in court.
I don't think I would start with ex or her bf about it. If the judge or ex's attorney asks why, you can simply say that you tried that before to no avail and that is why you are in court.
Talk to your attorney but maybe boyfriend can get some kind of court sanction too.
I was on the stand once and ex's attorney was grilling me about not giving up any of my time. Back then I was EOW and the holidays were kind of figured out. I froze and couldn't think of anything. The attorney started to walk back to her chair and say no further questions. I realized I had given up Christmas that year to tack my SS, her son from her first marriage, to Boston, a six hour ride, for surgery during the Christmas holiday. He attorney had nothing after that and whispered something to my ex. I think she asked her if that was true.
I didn't have the email that ex sent me two days before the holiday started telling me that she wasn't taking her son to Boston. I knew nothing of the situation so I was a little confused as to why she sent me the email. I called SS and asked him what was going on with his surgery. He said he was packing up and that his mom would be picking him up the next day. I read the email that was sent to me and he wasn't very happy. He said he was going to call his mom. Hours later I called him to see what happened. His mom didn't answer her cell and he had called numerous times and left messages. I volunteered to take him. I never thought of it until I was on the stand. Ex's attorney went nowhere near that subject again.

[david]

Also, make sure your attorney points out that they were warned about this before. If it was multiple times that is even better.
Having more time with your son, in a court order, would help alleviate some of the problems ex and her bf are causing.
Our order states that any changes to our order must be through email. Both parties must explicitly agree to the change in an email. Once the change is made it can not be changed unless another agreement is reached through an email exchange.
Whenever I do that I make sure I say that this applies to this single event in my email so there is no confusion later on down the road.

[bus boy]

The judge I have for up coming trial was the judge who put the clause in the court order to not discuss plans with the child during the other parents access. Xw was warned several times not to make plans on my access weekend, she continues to do so. The judge will not be happy that xw is breaking his personal order. Only for the help of my T and the good people on BPD family, I would be in a bad mental place right now but I'm doing good mentally.

[HopefulDad]

So what happened yesterday?  Did your son go to that family day event or not?

As for your trial in November, if the judge was the one who put the clause into the order, you absolutely need to make a big deal out of what transpired over this weekend and then see what the judge does.  Now in our heads we sometimes have these revenge fantasies where the judge finds our pwBPD in contempt and puts them in jail or gives them a boatload of community service to teach them a much-needed lesson.  In reality, the judge might keep the punishment pretty light, ruining those dreams.  But the point isn't getting quick revenge.  The point is getting these incidents (and judgments) on record... .every single time there is a violation of the court order that the judge deems intentional.  Because at some point the pwBPD will have created a documented pattern that the judge will no longer take lightly.

[david]

I trusted my first attorney. My second attorney earned my trust. I made sure he told me what he needed and the why and the how. This way I was able to give him what he needed. We worked together in that respect. Once we went to court he pretty much was in charge. He knew what I wanted and I had given him what he needed to achieve that goal. I gave him overwhelming evidence in chronological order. Each pile had a summary of everything below. I gave him plenty of time to go over all of it. He went through it and told me what he thought was important and what would not be useful in court and the reason why.
 
We got together a few days before any court hearing to go over the strategy. He didn't go over everything because he didn't want me to look coached. It was kind of general but he did say what he was concentrating on.

I gave him a list of everything I was absolutely unwilling to negotiate on and what I was willing to concede or compromise. He understood me and I understood him.

[bus boy]

HopefulDad, s10 did not go to his mother's event. He said he was good with staying with me. Xw and bf made a Beal out of it. Xw bf even sent s10 a mocking text asking him about his day haha. And it continued when he got home. Xw text me s10 was all he could do not to cry he was so upset and her and bf are going to have to try and make it up to s10 some how and more rude things to me.

David, that's how I am presenting the evidence to my L. Everything is in order in binders so she can go through it easily.  We are laying out our plan with my T, who is going to take the stand. L, T, and I are all on the same page. Also I have made notes of the advice I got on here and presented it to my L as a new way to approach this.

[david]

I realize you are seeking more time with S10. Have you thought about other things.
 
Xw to counseling and consequences for future contempt of court behaviors.
Have a calendar year mapped out for holidays and how they should be handled.
Ways to adjust the order if needed.
Any issues that you have had that needs to be addressed. You don't need to bring up the reason why in court but have a solution as a proposal. If xw or the court asks why then you will have to give your reason.

I wrote 14 very specific things for our order. The judge copied 13 of them exactly as I wrote them. We were also ordered to have a coparent coordinator. The coordinator, at our first meeting, had the custody order and asked about several of the items. She said that she knew the judge very well and the items do not look like something he wrote. I explained to her that I had written them. She asked for some reasons for some of the items and I explained my reasons.