BPD mother and possible dementia

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello,
I am new to this forum but having been reading it and deriving a lot of comfort from it. Thank you to all of you for sharing as muchas it is hard. I probably have only realized that my mom has BPD for the last few years. I knew she was not right. We all did but she was never diagnosed. She still hasnt been but I have asked 3 therapists in the last year and all agree. It is a relief to have a name. And this year I finally started to recover after 30yrs of hell. Thanks to an excellent therapist and detachment.

The thing is that I came this summer and realized that my mother may be suffering from dementia as well. Her mother had dementia and I recognize the symptoms, forgetfulness plus rage when confronted, confusion, once ina while a kind of spaced out look, forgetting not just plans for the day 20 times but for the week, forgetting conversations and major ones, forgetting places and people... .this is dementia no or is it just BPD getting worse. because there is also paranoia now that wasnt there before. Is that dementia or BPD? She suddenly thinks I want all her money and want to put her away when I cam home to help her get her stuff in order as she is 80 now and I live far away. I just dont know what to think.

Anyone have this experience with dementia and BPD?  Thanks

[maggie83]

Hello,
I am new to this forum but having been reading it and deriving a lot of comfort from it. Thank you to all of you for sharing as muchas it is hard. I probably have only realized that my mom has BPD for the last few years. I knew she was not right. We all did but she was never diagnosed. She still hasnt been but I have asked 3 therapists in the last year and all agree. It is a relief to have a name. And this year I finally started to recover after 30yrs of hell. Thanks to an excellent therapist and detachment.

The thing is that I came this summer and realized that my mother may be suffering from dementia as well. Her mother had dementia and I recognize the symptoms, forgetfulness plus rage when confronted, confusion, once ina while a kind of spaced out look, forgetting not just plans for the day 20 times but for the week, forgetting conversations and major ones, forgetting places and people... .this is dementia no or is it just BPD getting worse. because there is also paranoia now that wasnt there before. Is that dementia or BPD? She suddenly thinks I want all her money and want to put her away when I cam home to help her get her stuff in order as she is 80 now and I live far away. I just dont know what to think.

Anyone have this experience with dementia and BPD?  Thanks

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Maggie83! 

Welcome! I am so glad that you've joined us! Your post already tells me that you have gone through your own difficult journey, like so many of us here. Thank you for sharing with us!
 
I don't know a lot about dementia and BPD as a combination, but I would say that each one has it's own uniqueness as well as the possibility of crossing over into areas that would make things worse. For example, I know that with dementia it is not unusual to loose a sense of personal boundaries, or limits as to how one acts (no checks and balances to behavior), and with a BPD being sensitive to rejection, I don't think it would be surprising to see the BPD's reaction become worse or more noticeable.

When my uBPDm was in the hospital after surgery to remove a brain tumor, she started showing a greater manifestation of paranoia than she normally did. Obviously her body was under great stress from the cancer and the surgery, and it was pretty clear to see that one impacted the other. Have you done any research about the typical symptoms of dementia? Has she been to see a doctor yet about these concerns you have? That may pose a challenge for you to get her there!

I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this additional possibility of dementia on top of her uBPD. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you. What are you doing for self care, to help you get through the time you need to spend with her? It sounds like you've had some helpful T in the past.  There may be some other members who can chime in to share from their own experiences too.

 
Wools

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Maggie83: 
I'd like to join Woolspinner2000 in welcoming you.

 I'm sorry about your mom. I agree with Woolspinner2000, that it would be best to get an evaluation from a doctor.  I know with my mom, I learned that a urinary tract infection can cause symptoms of dementia. Once treated, the memory issues can improve. A friend on mine has a similar situation with her elderly mother.

The BPD will still be there, but best to check to see if something else is going on. The elderly sometimes may have subtle signs of a UTI. If she has some form of dementia, I believe there are some meds to try in some situations.

She may have dementia, but best to rule out other possibilities. My grandmother had dementia, but my mom has issues that started with a UTI. She then progressed on to be septic on three occasions and had one of the antibiotic resistant infections.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know how challenging it can be to help elderly parents without BPD, so it has to be difficult to have BPD in the mix.

[martillo]

I was primary caregiver for my MIL who had Alzheimer's disease and was probably UBPD.  Her BPD-like behaviors remained and just seemed be way more pronounced (I haven't read "The Borderline Mother" but I would venture to say she was of the queen/witch variety). She did become paranoid which she had never really been in the past. She was on Hospice for about 3 months before she passed away in December.  They started her on Seroquel for agitation and mirtazapine to help with sleep and agitation.  I never saw a significant change in her behavior but she wasn't on very high doses of the Seroquel.  MIL was diagnosed in 2011 w AD.

I would definitely agree w Woolspinner and Naughty Nibbler - the best thing to do would be to have her evaluated by either a neurologist or geriatric psychiatrist.  My MIL had a brief hospitalization in July, 2016 and then refused medication and doctor's visits after that.  (we had to crush her meds and mix it in ice cream - her favorite treat!)  If your mom, like my MIL refuses medical care, that is a great time to use hospice.  All their care was provided in my in-laws home even the first visit.  Hospice also isn't "time-limited" with most of the dementia diagnoses.  I would like to recommend visiting www.alz.org where they have a caregivers forum (moderators please let me know if recommending this isn't allowed!).  You can get info on the different types of dementia and descriptions, treatment options, what you need to be doing to get her affairs in order, and lots of wonderful, wonderful support (just like here!)

Good luck with whatever you find out and whatever you need to do.  Let me know how things are going and if you need support.