powerful initial attraction

[earlgrey]

Love at first sight, in simple everyday talk.

My search for a romantic partner brought me (eventually) to someone with whom I knew straight away what I wanted. All my boxes were ticked I was set to go.

It turns out down the way, my SO, the person that got me ticking my boxes, is a pwuB/NPD type traits.

Is this kind of start a regular occurrance in the sphere of BPD? Intrinsic even?

THE  of 

And is it to do with the chracter traits of the non, the traits of the pw BPD, or a fantastic combination of the two.

Like natures way of saying too much love is bad for you!

Whatever, it forms a powerful cocktail, which I think has much to do also with the difficulty in detaching.

[heartandwhole]

Hi earlgrey,

I agree with you. I think the fantasy of the "non" person and the amazingly "perfect fit" aura around the BPD person is a powerful cocktail. I think you nailed it in your title, "powerful initial attraction." Because I do think it's often an attraction, an infatuation, a dream, in the beginning. I'm not saying that there is no such thing as love at first sight. I just think that love has many ways and stages of expression in relationships.

I have a theory that nature compels us to be especially attracted to people who are likely to trigger our core wounds so that we can work through them and gain self-knowledge and love. That's why now I am all for using the head as much as the heart in matters of romantic relationships. It's easy to say, though; much harder to do in the throes of attraction. 

heartandwhole

[coborder]

Hello there!
The problem is that even when you are fully aware of your own wounds and try to work them out, even when you have reached the point of desillusion and see the relation as it really is, it remains extremely hard to escape it, or at least, detach.

During our latest couple therapy session, my partner and I had decided to end our relationship for goog. It was 10 days ago. We both felt sad yet relieved, and I immedialtly started to look for a new appartment. In the meantime, as the atmosphere got lighter at home, we started to share good moments again and act like 2 caring "normal" persons. For one week, my partner has been "perfect". Until today He said something unfair and I totally lost it.

So now, I am the crazy one, getting mad for no reason, being rude and insulting. I feel ashamed.
I know what drove me mad, I know our relation will not improve, but despite all this, a part of me keeps on hoping! What is wrong with me? I guess I still feel the "powerful initial attraction"… and the worst part is that I blame myself for that. Though I know that blaming won't help and that I should be kind to myself.

It feels like I'm stuck in stage 2 of Detachment! I could use some advice to move on to the next level! I feel trapped.