Narcisisst or BPD?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

The relationship is over; I'm just trying to figure out what the hell happened. Have been researching narcissism for a while now, and the traits were eerily close to ex's personality. Then I found a site on BPD, and was stunned. I wonder, am I just looking for excuses for the crazy, nonsensical behavior. Was it me? Or is he really a BPD personality?

[BlueOlive]

The relationship is over; I'm just trying to figure out what the hell happened. Have been researching narcissism for a while now, and the traits were eerily close to ex's personality. Then I found a site on BPD, and was stunned. I wonder, am I just looking for excuses for the crazy, nonsensical behavior. Was it me? Or is he really a BPD personality?

[valet]

Hey BlueOlive, welcome to the boards. None of us can offer a diagnosis, but you might find some support for what you're feeling at the moment.

Maybe you can explain more about the situation?

[enlighten me]

Hi Blueolive

I dirst thought my ex wife was HPD. I got into a relationship afyer her with a woman which when it went sour led me to finding out about BPD. I then realised it was a better fit for my ex wife than HPD. Now i realise that although BPD is the more prominant dissorder both my exs had theres a lot more mixed in. Out of the 36 cluster b traits both my exs tick around 30 of them quite strongly.

I also have wondered if its me. But all I have to do is look at the history of their behaviour to see that even though I have my own issues they are nothing compared to my exs.

[neverloveagain]

The branding of any toxic relationship is not so important .the importance is you know there was some funk going on and try to avoid it in the future. Bpd npd comorbid, in any of these type relationships you are asking all these questions looking for the "murder" weapon sadly you will probably never find it, all that matters now is you and your journey to recovery, be kind to yourself.

[Confusedpe]

The branding of any toxic relationship is not so important .the importance is you know there was some funk going on and try to avoid it in the future. Bpd npd comorbid, in any of these type relationships you are asking all these questions looking for the "murder" weapon sadly you will probably never find it, all that matters now is you and your journey to recovery, be kind to yourself.

Well said!
If u read all the horror stories of those who stuck around looking for the murder weapon u will realise not only did they find a murder weapon but a whole arsenal weaponry that u can't believe could even exist

I myself stepped partially into this territory, realised it got worse every recycle (3 time recycler here) and kicked her ass to the kurb before I comited to marriage etc ... .still hurts though especially if you were once an alpha dog

[enlighten me]

The branding of any toxic relationship is not so important .the importance is you know there was some funk going on and try to avoid it in the future. Bpd npd comorbid, in any of these type relationships you are asking all these questions looking for the "murder" weapon sadly you will probably never find it, all that matters now is you and your journey to recovery, be kind to yourself.

Whilst I agree that identifying that the relationship was toxic is the most important factor I would not say that identifying why it was toxic is unimportant to everyone. We are all different so some of us need those answers. For me i needed them and learning about personality dissorders has helped me learn about myself and my short falls. I have a friend who accepts that his ex wife was crazy and that was the end of it for him he didnt need to look any further to move on. I on the other hand needed to understand more before i could move on. Its horses for courses. We are all different and have different processes.

[Moselle]

We are all different and have different processes.

Spot on!

Blue olive. Firstly welcome  

This is a place where you can freely discuss your experiences with folks who have seen alot and been through alot as well.

My ex is one who exhibited strong Narcissistic and Borderline traits. The N typically reflects a persecuting role and the B a victim role, but it varies from person to person.

I'm one of those who needed to learn about this because I have three children and because I needed to learn why I was attracted to this.

Can you share a few more details with us. How long was the relationship? Are there children involved? What are you looking to do next?