The thing that angers

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I think I see a connection.  I stay reading about how people feel about being replaced and so on. Some are replaced by friends or family members but the feeling is not always they want he pwBPD back but the manifestation of the whole r/s. On other boards, some people complain in the same way about a friend, sibling, etc.  Here's where I found a connection. For many of us, it isn't that we want them back. For many of us they grow on us so fast that the Houdini Act leaves us in disbelieve. After all the crap we did for them and the other crap we put up with, I guess we ourselves feel a sense of entitlement.  Entitled to some of the truth.

One man explicated his r/s from start to end. He said he knew after a year of being together that they did not belong together. Him and his ex were like night and day. He was a giver and she was 100℅ a taker. He wanted a calm life.  She wanted to party all the time. He was sincere in his actions and it was difficult for him to have to adapt to lying to her, because of her. He wanted romantic vacations and she wanted whole family vacations( her children, his, her family, etc). They were in their early 40s and he knew he wasn't going to settle with her. However he was honest about it. But continued doing for her.  He said, as long as they were still sexually intimate he didn't mind doing some things but not as much as she would have wanted to take advantage of his affection for her. Here's where I see the entitlement. When she replaced him, she hid it for months. He felt he had given her every opportunity to come clean and she refused to be a good person; he said. He felt entitled to some honesty like when she stopped coming around he felt she had the opportunity to say she was seeing someone. Instead she chose to lie even more to make him feel foolish for even trying to understand her.  Similar to what I believe a family member would feel after all the pwBPD in their lives put them through.  But no, all of a sudden it's not a person with a wicked disorder. The disorder now rules 100℅.  At first it wasn't hard to separate the person from the disorder. A distorted way of thinking was evident from day one (red flags).
All of a sudden or better yet, conveniently, the disorder makes me act inhuman 100℅ of the time? Oh and btw, pls don't leave me. Poor thing; sure!  No they choose fakeness til the bitter end.  To ensure you regret them. 

That's probably why when you ask some people on the detachment board if they want their ex back, it's hard to get a straight yes.  Some of us identify grief as something we miss and wish we could get back. Like losing someone that's dead. Maybe a similar word should be used in place of grief. It would probably help to understand and deal with what's happening better. When I read grieving, I said to myself "I hope not". Because to me that's saying my current feelings for him is in the same "miss" category as someone i loved, and loved me in return.

I hope i made sense.

[FallBack!Monster]

I think I see a connection.  I stay reading about how people feel about being replaced and so on. Some are replaced by friends or family members but the feeling is not always they want he pwBPD back but the manifestation of the whole r/s. On other boards, some people complain in the same way about a friend, sibling, etc.  Here's where I found a connection. For many of us, it isn't that we want them back. For many of us they grow on us so fast that the Houdini Act leaves us in disbelieve. After all the crap we did for them and the other crap we put up with, I guess we ourselves feel a sense of entitlement.  Entitled to some of the truth.

One man explicated his r/s from start to end. He said he knew after a year of being together that they did not belong together. Him and his ex were like night and day. He was a giver and she was 100℅ a taker. He wanted a calm life.  She wanted to party all the time. He was sincere in his actions and it was difficult for him to have to adapt to lying to her, because of her. He wanted romantic vacations and she wanted whole family vacations( her children, his, her family, etc). They were in their early 40s and he knew he wasn't going to settle with her. However he was honest about it. But continued doing for her.  He said, as long as they were still sexually intimate he didn't mind doing some things but not as much as she would have wanted to take advantage of his affection for her. Here's where I see the entitlement. When she replaced him, she hid it for months. He felt he had given her every opportunity to come clean and she refused to be a good person; he said. He felt entitled to some honesty like when she stopped coming around he felt she had the opportunity to say she was seeing someone. Instead she chose to lie even more to make him feel foolish for even trying to understand her.  Similar to what I believe a family member would feel after all the pwBPD in their lives put them through.  But no, all of a sudden it's not a person with a wicked disorder. The disorder now rules 100℅.  At first it wasn't hard to separate the person from the disorder. A distorted way of thinking was evident from day one (red flags).
All of a sudden or better yet, conveniently, the disorder makes me act inhuman 100℅ of the time? Oh and btw, pls don't leave me. Poor thing; sure!  No they choose fakeness til the bitter end.  To ensure you regret them. 

That's probably why when you ask some people on the detachment board if they want their ex back, it's hard to get a straight yes.  Some of us identify grief as something we miss and wish we could get back. Like losing someone that's dead. Maybe a similar word should be used in place of grief. It would probably help to understand and deal with what's happening better. When I read grieving, I said to myself "I hope not". Because to me that's saying my current feelings for him is in the same "miss" category as someone i loved, and loved me in return.

I hope i made sense.

[Circle]

Insightful post! Thanks for sharing your post.

[FallBack!Monster]

Insightful indeed. It's not always what they do is how to choose to do it. There are many ways in which we can choose to handle a situation. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Fair or unfair. Selfish or selfless.  If someone loses feelings for you and wanted to move on what's wrong with being a little bit honest? Saying my feelings have changed. Especially when you've been like friends first?  I can't fault you for a change of heart. A shift in your emotions doesn't make you a bad person. It's how there's always a hidden agenda with these creatures; for what I'm learning.

Men & woman stringing until the disorder decides. Meanwhile keeping the now ex in complete darkness about their new attachment. For their own well-being. As if, if they're not conning someone they're not content. I agree with the grieving statement  there's a lot of true in that. Thanks for this. Very helpful to me.

[FallBack!Monster]

Exactly how I felt I few months back. Yup! Good stuff. Makes a lot of sense. Keep posting