Today is my anniversary

[Depression = 72% of members]

Today is my anniversary.  19 years married and 21 together.  I have learned over the years not to get my hopes up for anything these days.  If I get a card or small gift from her that would be nice but nit expected.  I'm just hoping that she doesn't follow her usual pattern on special occasions and push me away.  We are supposed to go to dinner but the odds are pretty low that it will happen.  She will most likely have a headache or some other ailment that keeps her from having to do it.  The same goes for sex.  I would like it considering it's our anniversary and it's been 7 months since it last happened but I'm not going to get my hopes up for it. 

I really hate anniveries now. Same goes for birthdays and Valentine's Day.  Any day that has a strong emotional attachment almost always triggers her.  I may have a touch if PTSD, just waiting for things to go bad. 

I guess I'm just venting.  The day is young and there is always a chance, however small it may be, that she will surprise me.  I'm not a betting man but the smart money is on no surprises and no sex.

Thanks for letting me vent. 

[Hmcbart]

Today is my anniversary.  19 years married and 21 together.  I have learned over the years not to get my hopes up for anything these days.  If I get a card or small gift from her that would be nice but nit expected.  I'm just hoping that she doesn't follow her usual pattern on special occasions and push me away.  We are supposed to go to dinner but the odds are pretty low that it will happen.  She will most likely have a headache or some other ailment that keeps her from having to do it.  The same goes for sex.  I would like it considering it's our anniversary and it's been 7 months since it last happened but I'm not going to get my hopes up for it. 

I really hate anniveries now. Same goes for birthdays and Valentine's Day.  Any day that has a strong emotional attachment almost always triggers her.  I may have a touch if PTSD, just waiting for things to go bad. 

I guess I'm just venting.  The day is young and there is always a chance, however small it may be, that she will surprise me.  I'm not a betting man but the smart money is on no surprises and no sex.

Thanks for letting me vent. 

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[Wrongturn1]

Hmcbart:  Happy anniversary to you (not her as she probably has not contributed much, LOL)!  19 years married to a BPD is a long grind, and I can relate b/c I've been married to my uBPDw for 19 years as of about 2 months ago. 

I agree that you're not likely to get much in the way of gifts or affection from her, so I'd suggest that you pick up some small gift for yourself as a token of congratulations for surviving 19 years of BPD madness.

Here's hoping you can get through the day without any toxic raging from her!

[Hmcbart]

Thanks wrongturn.

I just got off the phone with her. She says her time of the month just started and she has been dizzy and throwing up again (3-4 times a week occurrence).  I wanted to break the 7 month no sex dry spell but I didn't have a lot of faith that it would happen.  I'd be hurt and upset if I hadn't expected it to go this way. 

I will spend my evening like every other, playing video games with the kids followed by going to bed alone with her watching tv until around 1 am.  But hey, no toxic raging this year... .so far anyway.  I will keep my distance tonight though, just to be safe. 

[Wrongturn1]

Well you definitely predicted that, so no surprises there.   My wife's typical anniversary sex prevention method is to over-eat at dinner to the point where she is close to vomiting, then she spends the rest of the night in bed eating antacid pills and whining about how much her stomach hurts. 

Our wives seem pretty similar, except that mine finds it in her heart to give me sex every couple of weeks or so, which means I don't have much to complain about in that department by BPD standards.  Mine usually goes to bed at a reasonable hour but then wakes up shortly thereafter and spends the rest of the night watching TV downstairs probably 2-3 nights a week.

Our kids are 9 (daughter) and 12 (son), so I'm counting the years until they move out, at which time there will be some drastic changes at our house, one way or the other.    In the meantime, I'm taking baby steps to make things better.

[Hmcbart]

 Pretty much the same for me.  Waiting on youngest (9) to be out of school then it's going to be a lot easier to enforce that particular bounty. Sadly I'll be 55 by then and so screwed up mentally to change.