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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: When does it end  (Read 541 times)
Panshekay
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Inlaw
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 223



« on: November 10, 2016, 10:08:50 PM »

Tonight I sit here and I wait for the truth to be known.  I wonder how long before someone in power sees her for what she is.  I wait for someone in power to put a stop to feeding the monster.  I wait for justice for our son and Grandson and Grand daughter.  Our son has already lost his SD to PA.  His wife is now working that same angle on their young son. As a mother it is so hard to see our son so devastated. Today he found out that his wife's attorney is asking for his wife to get full custody of his son ASAP.  An incident happened  at school and his wife's attorney is using that incident  stating his son has been a witness to domestic violence and that is why he is acting out this way, so she should have full custody.  Our son and his wife  have not lived together for 3 years.  He has not dated, but she has had many bf, from drug addicts to alcoholics.  One bf even called our son one night asking him how the hell does he get her out of his house.   The only violence my grandson has witnessed is from  his mother, yelling, screaming, calling his dad horrible names, kicking our son and smashing and breaking  every item in their home... .over and over again.  Our Granchildren have  seen their mother beat her head against the wall, threaten to kill herself, and scratch and cut herself.  His sister who is 5 years older also does these same things.  Now my Grandson has started to do and say these things.  He is only 6. But CPS and DHS find his wife forthcoming and honest.   CPS/ DHS gets to decide whether our son is guilty or not of  false allegations his wife has made of mental and physical abuse.  They also get to determine if our son loses his nursing license.  How do we wake up judges, attorneys,  and mental health professionals? How do we get them  to see it for what it truly is?  How many PA parents have to commit suicide before someone on this earth listens?   They get to make the decisions on what happens to our son and Grandchildren.  Once they decide they get to go home and live their lives.  But this is our life, we have to live with the consequences of their decisions.  They are giving our grandchildren to the "Monster". Where is the accountability here?  Please someone tell me. 
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ForeverDad
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 18680


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2016, 05:01:39 PM »

It can take time, yes, even years.  I recall when I first encountered the legal system it didn't know which of us was the problem, or even in both of us.  In municipal court she faced a charge of Threat of DV.  She refused to plea deal and after a few months of continuances were had an end-of-day trial, she admitted that the recording was her making threats but "that's how we argue".  Um, her, not me.  Anyway judge compared it to a drunk man coming home saying "if I had a gun I'd kill you".  He cited case law (decisions, not written law) where a threat was not enough, it had to be an "imminent" threat.  So he found her not guilty despite emphatic threats against my life and case dismissed.  A couple years later she had the case expunged, so now it's as though it never happened.

I figured that if it were me who had made threats it wouldn't have turned out so well.  But as a woman and a first time offender, that's how it ended for her.  I was bummed that he didn't remind her she better not do it again.  I walked out feeling that she now had precedent to make whatever threats she wished against me as long as she didn't have a weapon in her hands.

Meanwhile, back at the beginning of the above case, when she got released she filed for protection over in family court from me and included our son.  (It was all about blocking my parental contact of course.)  First thing, the court excluded our son.  Second, since I already had possession granted in the other court's TPO, this TPO only told me to stay away from her and not contact her unless it was about our child.  She had entered on her petition that there was another case pending in the other court but I have no indication the magistrate looked it up.  Family court asked one question before issuing the temp order, "What are your work schedules?"  With that minimal input you can guess what happened.  She was declared temporary custodial parent and awarded majority time.  I got typical Dad EOW.  At least it was a full 3 days on alternate weekends, some dads only get a 1-2 days at the beginning.

The court ignored her initial claim for protecting our preschooler, she said I had let him tip over his bike at the park and injured his elbow.  It healed in a cast for a while but there wasn't even a scratch.  At the first encounter in family court, later to become my "home away from home", teh CPS rep stood and stated his agency had "no concerns" about me.

Well, she was still trying to make me look worse than her so she continued making allegations every few months hoping I guess to have some claim to wave around at the next hearing and especially when she got triggered or did something that made her look bad, each one slightly different and of greater severity.  CPS looked at each but never did side with her.  Even though they pretty much "got her number" they still investigated each one in case this time it had merit.

Eventually the unsubstantiated reports can weaken credibility.  That's what happened after a few years with my Ex.  It was a couple years after my two year divorce and I was seeking full custody.  In the Change of Circumstances decision from the court it noted many points and one paragraph noted that my ex had made an allegation during one of the professional's interviews but no one even bothered to ask me to defend myself.  She had made an allegation of DV supposedly from years before but I still got custody.  They may as well have made it a footnote.  That's how low her credibility had dropped. But it took years to build that history with the court and professionals.
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Panshekay
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Inlaw
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 223



« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2016, 03:03:35 PM »

Thanks again Forever Dad for all your help.  Sometimes it all feels so hopeless.  When we see the people who we love the most suffer some sort of injustice,  as a parent we want to fix it.  When we do everything we can to live our lives as we should and truly try to be the best parent we can be and then see someone who suffers from a PD continue to ruin my Grandchildrens and Sons life it is heartbreaking.  I keep praying that she will be known by her fruits... and every person who is involved in this mess will see the monster that she really is.  Again, thank you!
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