Gotta Be A New Record

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

So my EXBPDbf is already having my new replacement move in after only being together 2 weeks. No wonder they gave me only 2 days to get my stuff out. They both have BPD. Should be interesting.

[tammym1972]

So my EXBPDbf is already having my new replacement move in after only being together 2 weeks. No wonder they gave me only 2 days to get my stuff out. They both have BPD. Should be interesting.

[Herodias]

It's about normal for them... .how do you know the replacement has BPD? I suspect my exes gf has it or is really immature. Sorry, I know it stinks- I'm sure they have been seeing each other allot longer than you know. That's how they do it. As my ex said- they cannot be alone. Prop yourself up, it's going to hit you hard eventually. Remember it has nothing to do with you... .be glad you are out now. Peaceful times are headed your way.

[tammym1972]

It's about normal for them... .how do you know the replacement has BPD? I suspect my exes gf has it or is really immature. Sorry, I know it stinks- I'm sure they have been seeing each other allot longer than you know. That's how they do it. As my ex said- they cannot be alone. Prop yourself up, it's going to hit you hard eventually. Remember it has nothing to do with you... .be glad you are out now. Peaceful times are headed your way.

He told me she did. I can just tell by what he told me about her too. He looked or one that had it on purpose because he said I don't get him. His ex fiance had it to I'm pretty sure.

He met her at work and told me about her right before we broke up. They were talking for a few days before they started dating.

It is the worst thing I've ever been through in my life. She reads all hi texts and answers his phone.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi tammy-

So big changes: you're out, a 4 year relationship has ended, he's doing what he's doing, and it's all still pretty new.  How are you doing?

[tammym1972]

Hi tammy-

So big changes: you're out, a 4 year relationship has ended, he's doing what he's doing, and it's all still pretty new.  How are you doing?

I'm hanging in there. Still working on getting off his phone plan, looking for a place to live and looking for a car. We shared a car so it has been hard.

[tammym1972]

It just gets better. Someone is texting my ex pretending to be me, calling them names etc. I looked up the number and it's from someplace I've never heard of. It's probably one of his new girlfriend's friends. I have been painted black since the breakup now even more. I am in my 40s. Too old for these childish games.

[Warcleods]

What a disaster and it will end in disaster, just be thankful you're out and improve your life.

[tammym1972]

What a disaster and it will end in disaster, just be thankful you're out and improve your life.

I am thankful it was only 4 years. It is a new beginning for me but what an adventure!

[fromheeltoheal]

So now that you're out and rebuilding, is the plan to stop communicating with him entirely tammy?

[tammym1972]

So now that you're out and rebuilding, is the plan to stop communicating with him entirely tammy?

Not yet. He still has some of my stuff. I want to keep in contact also because he has our macaw that I really miss. Hopefully I will get her back someday.

[tammym1972]

So now that you're out and rebuilding, is the plan to stop communicating with him entirely tammy?

Not yet. He still has some of my stuff. I want to keep in contact also because he has our macaw that I really miss. Hopefully I will get her back someday.

It gets even better! He plans on marrying this girl that he has known for 2 1/2 weeks and having kids! He doesn't even pay attention to the kids he already has and told me it was a mistake having them. With me he said he would never get married again. This is literally the craziest thing I've ever heard.

[fromheeltoheal]

Not yet. He still has some of my stuff. I want to keep in contact also because he has our macaw that I really miss. Hopefully I will get her back someday.

It gets even better! He plans on marrying this girl that he has known for 2 1/2 weeks and having kids! He doesn't even pay attention to the kids he already has and told me it was a mistake having them. With me he said he would never get married again. This is literally the craziest thing I've ever heard.

The reason I asked you if you're going to stop communicating is a couple of weeks is no time at all after 4 years, and after a while of being out and not communicating the fog clears, our perceptions of it all can change, and we can grieve, process and detach.  He's going to do what he's going to do, and how much that matters is entirely up to you.  I hope you get the bird back though.

[tammym1972]

Not yet. He still has some of my stuff. I want to keep in contact also because he has our macaw that I really miss. Hopefully I will get her back someday.

It gets even better! He plans on marrying this girl that he has known for 2 1/2 weeks and having kids! He doesn't even pay attention to the kids he already has and told me it was a mistake having them. With me he said he would never get married again. This is literally the craziest thing I've ever heard.

The reason I asked you if you're going to stop communicating is a couple of weeks is no time at all after 4 years, and after a while of being out and not communicating the fog clears, our perceptions of it all can change, and we can grieve, process and detach.  He's going to do what he's going to do, and how much that matters is entirely up to you.  I hope you get the bird back though.

I plan on going NC soon. He still has some things of mine I need to get. I had only texted him because I was on his family's phone plan and needed to be released from it. Instead he disconnected the number and said I was harassing him. Then said they were getting married. Or maybe it was her. She answers for him on his phone some times. I used to be able to tell who I was talking to but it's like they melted into one person.

[fromheeltoheal]

I plan on going NC soon. He still has some things of mine I need to get. I had only texted him because I was on his family's phone plan and needed to be released from it. Instead he disconnected the number and said I was harassing him. Then said they were getting married. Or maybe it was her. She answers for him on his phone some times. I used to be able to tell who I was talking to but it's like they melted into one person.

Hi tammy-

It's to your advantage to get your stuff as soon as you can, since a borderline with their hatred of losing an attachment will try and keep it alive, and keeping some of your things will keep a hold on you in that way.  You likely know that, and it will be up to you to draw a line, this is it, got my stuff, gotta go.  Even though things don't sound like they were great in the relationship before this other relationship showed up, he's still got 4 years of relationship history with you too and that's a significant attachment, which we won't want to lose, regardless of what went down, as little sense as that makes.

It's interesting that you say it's as if they melted into one person.  That's normal for anyone in a new relationship during the infatuation phase, but for a borderline it goes beyond that, a fusing of psyches to create one person so the borderline can feel whole.  And of course written communication is weak, we don't get the tone of voice and the body language which is most of the message, so we fill in the blanks, read between the lines, and when two people are sending you messages from the same account it just adds to lack of real communication and adds to the confusion.  I'm sorry you're going through all that, and once you sever these last ties you can get on with your grieving and detachment.  Take care of you!